View Poll Results: is it ever allowable for a Parent to punish their child with force?

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  • Yes

    46 66.67%
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    15 21.74%
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Thread: Parents: Punishing Kids [W:361]

  1. #231
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by nota bene View Post
    I hope that kid turned out "okay." My friend's sons, to the amazement of everyone, including all four grandparents, ultimately did.

    I guess I'm never going to get over that kid picking up the 2 x 4 and hitting my kid as hard as he could for no reason and his mother doing nothing. Fortunately for our relationship, my friend and I have always lived 100 miles apart, so it was easy to keep my kids away from hers except a couple of times a year.


    well I hopes so too, but our group consensus was that he would be voted "Most Likely to Become a Serial Killer" in HS....

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  2. #232
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    well I hopes so too, but our group consensus was that he would be voted "Most Likely to Become a Serial Killer" in HS....
    Sadly, regarding my friend's older son, that is exactly what I and my family (and, I'm sure, his grandparents secretly) thought. I had brought a kitten in a carrier to my mother's home, and I caught this 5-year old dropping the carrier hard and poking the kitten with a stick. He wasn't playing. His mother's response that time was to remove him to the balcony and sit on the swing sharing a pbj. Never scolded him, nothing. We were just agog.

    He never finished school and was in constant juvenile trouble with the law. Spent time in a mental hospital and also in jail as a kid. And then one day, after bragging that he was so smart that he could ace the GED, he gave it a go and did. And enrolled in a 2-year college and moved to another state where cousins lived, and across the hall was a deputy sheriff who invited him on a ride-along, and the next thing we knew, he had enrolled in the police academy. Amazing.

    But he didn't cop for long; he then enrolled in the Army and went over to Iraq. He's back now and finishing a degree in Middle Eastern studies, and I secretly think he's a double-naught spy, LOL. Seriously.

  3. #233
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Tim the plumber View Post
    Shouting at a child is generally very effective. If it's not working then maybe you have over used it for none problems. Maybe this issue you want to use force is also a none problem.

    Just maybe. Or perhaps your child is naughty. It might be best to stand back and have a think about it before you reach for the stick.
    Or maybe the kid understands that yelling doesn't hurt. Yelling is a very ineffective way of disciplining a child. My father did it all the time and to this day I tune out anybody that yells.

  4. #234
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by disneydude View Post
    I would say the same for a parent who uses an "open hand".

    In my experience, adults who use physical force against children usually do so for one of two reasons: 1. They are ill equipped to be a parent and have not taken the time to learn proper discipline methods or 2. They become extremely frustrated and act out of rage.
    What do you do with a kid that calculates the consequence into what he does and gladly accepts that consequence?

    My son will gladly loose his video game when he gets caught doing something he knows is wrong.

    He knows taking away the video game did not hurt him.

    That is a very dangerous child in that he calculates the consequence and does the wrong thing anyway.

    The bigger he gets the worse the things are going to get that he does.

    What do you do with a child like that?

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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    What do you do with a kid that calculates the consequence into what he does and gladly accepts that consequence?

    My son will gladly loose his video game when he gets caught doing something he knows is wrong.

    He knows taking away the video game did not hurt him.

    That is a very dangerous child in that he calculates the consequence and does the wrong thing anyway.

    The bigger he gets the worse the things are going to get that he does.

    What do you do with a child like that?
    I was a kid like that. When I was little my dad was trying his approach in parenting that would eventually give in completely to my mothers, but only after it was proven to be a failure. His approach was basically that I was to follow his command and that whatever objection I had was not important. One of his punishments that he would issue was the idea that you should take away your kids possessions and enjoyments when they act up. I responded very badly to this approach and saw it as insult that deserved to be challenged head on. I decided that I didn't care if he wanted to ground me from playing video games nor did I care if he wanted to bar me from really anything he could muster. It didn't matter to me anymore. There was plenty of time when I had nothing except my bed and even then in time when he found out I would do nothing but lay in bed he banned me from even going in my room until bedtime. His goal was to force me to do what he wanted, and I am not the kind of person that accepts that kind of treatment, so I just flat out refused to do anything at all. In time as I said, he dropped it and at that point my behavior improved.

  6. #236
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    So do you have kids yourself? I ask because irrespective of your parents' parenting, payback with your own kids really is a bitch. When I used to call my mother to complain about my kids, she'd roar in delight, "You were worse!"

    Of course, she was entirely mistaken; my recollection was that I was nearly perfect and also tremendously put upon by mean and definitely uncool parents.

    In fact, one of my guiding principles as a parent (generally) was to do the opposite of my parents. For example, I trusted my kids unless/until they gave me a reason not to. And my discipline was appropriate, not insane. Still, karma is what it is, LOL.
    Last edited by nota bene; 09-20-14 at 03:33 PM.

  7. #237
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    What do you do with a kid that calculates the consequence into what he does and gladly accepts that consequence?

    My son will gladly loose his video game when he gets caught doing something he knows is wrong.

    He knows taking away the video game did not hurt him.

    That is a very dangerous child in that he calculates the consequence and does the wrong thing anyway.

    The bigger he gets the worse the things are going to get that he does.

    What do you do with a child like that?
    I was, and still am, that child.

    First, that child does not respect you, at least not as much as you think. I'm sure that child has all kinds of warm mushy feelings for you and all, but when it comes down to obaying your word, respect for you isn't there to stop him or even make him feel sorry afterwards.

    Second, your punishments have to make the risk greater than the reward.

    No punishment will work if he doesn't respect you. He'll just circumvent the punishment, and after a point he won't even try to hide that he went around you.

    That's when you'll go insane.

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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Henrin View Post
    I was a kid like that. When I was little my dad was trying his approach in parenting that would eventually give in completely to my mothers, but only after it was proven to be a failure. His approach was basically that I was to follow his command and that whatever objection I had was not important. One of his punishments that he would issue was the idea that you should take away your kids possessions and enjoyments when they act up. I responded very badly to this approach and saw it as insult that deserved to be challenged head on. I decided that I didn't care if he wanted to ground me from playing video games nor did I care if he wanted to bar me from really anything he could muster. It didn't matter to me anymore. There was plenty of time when I had nothing except my bed and even then in time when he found out I would do nothing but lay in bed he banned me from even going in my room until bedtime. His goal was to force me to do what he wanted, and I am not the kind of person that accepts that kind of treatment, so I just flat out refused to do anything at all. In time as I said, he dropped it and at that point my behavior improved.
    My step mother tried the whole "I'll take your things away" aproach.

    There was a ghost in the house...everytime she took something of mine away, something of hers vanished.

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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by nota bene View Post
    So do you have kids yourself? I ask because irrespective of your parents' parenting, payback with your own kids really is a bitch. When I used to call my mother to complain about my kids, she'd roar in delight, "You were worse!"

    Of course, she was entirely mistaken; my recollection was that I was nearly perfect and also tremendously put upon by mean and definitely uncool parents.

    In fact, one of my guiding principles as a parent (generally) was to do the opposite of my parents. For example, I trusted my kids unless/until they gave me a reason not to. And my discipline was appropriate, not insane. Still, karma is what it is, LOL.
    My relationship with my dad is still pretty awful, but I think it really does all go back to this whole fight with him over the way he would punish me. It also however deeper than that and goes really into his personality and how he relates to people. For the longest time I didn't care for how he treated my mother as he would ignore her from time to time or generally disregard her objections to certain things. I hated that aspect of him and in some ways I still do to this day. I don't agree with how he approaches life, how he approaches people, how he will insult them behind their back, really I don't like him all that much at all. Hell, even how he drives down the road is something that annoys me. He is reckless and disregards other people and then becomes a huge hypocrite when people do the same kind of stuff to him on the road. He annoys me and I frankly consider him to a rude asshole. The only real reason I tolerate him is because I came to realize that my mother relied on him for strength. My mother was abused heavily as a child and it wasn't until they were apart for a while did I start to see her crack a little bit under pressure or when things weren't going her way. I came to understand that the way he was and what he was doing was beneficial to her as it kept her together and strong enough to handle life. That they were regardless of my objections to him a good match and belonged together even if for the longest time I didn't see it.

    I have mentioned before that I was kicked out, but I never said exactly how that went down. When I was eighteen me and my dad got into a fight and we both got some good hits in, but before it was concluded my mother started yelling and demanding it stop at once. We both stopped right then of course, but that was the end of my time living at home. I wouldn't talk to my father again until about three years ago. It however wasn't lasting change and since then I haven't said a word to him outside of discussions about politics via e-mail. I have no idea why that is, but one day he e-mailed me his opinion on something and since then we talk about politics regularly. I have no interest in seeing him or talking to him in real life, but I suppose e-mail communication is something. Knowing my mom, it was her idea for him to start the e-mails as she badly wants our relationship to return to how it was. Sadly, my relationship with my dad has pretty much always been poor and I don't think she really knows how bad it was.

    As for me, yes, I have a daughter that is thirteen and a boy on the way. My daughter is a straight A student, and generally doesn't get in to much trouble. The only real issue going on right now with her is her desire to get a nose ring, and her constant ramblings about it. Of course, I have already told her that I will spend no time or money on the issue, and if she wants it she can spend her own money and time in getting it. If that means she has to wait until she can drive, so be it. I will not buy her a nose ring. Outside of that just normal stuff really.
    Last edited by Henrin; 09-20-14 at 04:21 PM.

  10. #240
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    Or maybe the kid understands that yelling doesn't hurt. Yelling is a very ineffective way of disciplining a child. My father did it all the time and to this day I tune out anybody that yells.


    I rarely raise my voice to children. On the rare occasions I do, it is the deep-throated 'voice of command' issuing a terse ultimatum, and rarely ever is that disregarded.... because they know that's their last warning before....



    Fiddling While Rome Burns
    ISIS: Carthago Delenda Est
    "I used to roll the dice; see the fear in my enemies' eyes... listen as the crowd would sing, 'now the old king is dead, Long Live the King.'.."

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