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Parents: Punishing Kids [W:361]

is it ever allowable for a Parent to punish their child with force?

  • Yes

    Votes: 43 68.3%

  • No

    Votes: 12 19.0%

  • Other (explain)

    Votes: 8 12.7%
  • Total voters
    63
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Henrin said:
Umm...it seems pretty obvious he didn't know how to deal with the dog when it refused to move. How was his action really different from someone that spanks their kid when they refuse to obey the rules? All he did was use pain to get the dog to move. Is that not what you are promoting be done to children?
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Are you saying a dogs intelect is on the level as a childs?
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Mason66 said:
Are you saying a dogs intelect is on the level as a childs?
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No, I'm saying the boy wanted the dog to move and couldn't think of anything that gave him the result he was after. He simply ran out of choices he could think of and more than likely got frustrated at the situation.

You need to learn to evaluate a situation and put yourself in the kids shoes. Why did he kick the dog when it refused to move? What was he doing before that most likely? What was he after?
 
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Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Jerry said:
The most devastating punishment I ever gave to my oldest (10, at the time) was right after he lost his temper and went after a cousin with a hammer. I gave him the long stare and said "I am disappointed in you".

He fell apart instantly with the crying and apologizing.

I never had to touch him. The 'dad voice, the look, and those words took him apart.

I built him back up later by giving him special chores to do for his cousin and his aunt. He actually did a very good job as he wanted to redeem himself. Later I told him that I was proud of him for realizing his mistake, doing a good job with the make-up chores, and when I said the words "you aren't in trouble anymore" he started crying in relief.

IMO if you have to strike a child for anything other than legit self-defense (I've experienced some violent little children let me tell you what I have stories) or just to get their attention, you've already lost the situation.
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That depends on how sensitive the kid is,.

For example my friend had a daughter that all you had to do was say you were upset with her and she would cry and try and make it up to you.

If you said that to my niece, she would and, "and???"
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Jerry said:
I think of small children like pets, because if you stop and think about it that really is the level they're on.
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Me too and I have no problem smacking one of my dogs when they get out of line, just like the pack leader should do.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

CRUE CAB said:
Only with an open hand.
If you need a weapon, you are a loser and have no control over your children.
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Or yourself.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Mason66 said:
Me too and I have no problem smacking one of my dogs when they get out of line, just like the pack leader should do.
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Hmm. Not trying to judge you or anything, but do you think perhaps he got the idea from you?
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Henrin said:
No, I'm saying the boy wanted the dog to move and couldn't think of anything that gave him the result he was after. He simply ran out of choices he could think of and more than likely got frustrated at the situation.

You need to learn to evaluate a situation and put yourself in the kids shoes. Why did he kick the dog when it refused to move? What was he doing before that most likely? What was he after?
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The dog was already leaving. He kicked the dog for no reason at all.

I know how to evaluate situations.

He is a mini me and I know what is going on in his head. His mother thinks the things he does are cute, I don't.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Henrin said:
Hmm. Not trying to judge you or anything, but do you think perhaps he got the idea from you?
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Not at all.

I don't kick dogs. Why do people have this idea that kids are not capable of doing things on their own?

By the way, would it matter if he did learn that from me? He has been told to treat animals well. His decision to not do that means he gets punished.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Mason66 said:
Not at all.

I don't kick dogs. Why do people have this idea that kids are not capable of doing things on their own?

By the way, would it matter if he did learn that from me? He has been told to treat animals well. His decision to not do that means he gets punished.
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If you really go around hitting dogs it's a bit hypocritical to get mad at him for it. I know what you say, but this has nothing to do with me, but doesn't it? Do you really think you can go around slapping dogs and there is no risk of that behavior popping up in your kids?
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Mason66 said:
Things were a lot easier with my niece. I made it a point to not use bad language around her for years but she raoyally pissed me off one day and I swore at her, and she was shocked into silence. It really made an impression on her and she never did anything like that again.

My son is different.

He really doesn't care about the consequences so he does what he wants.

For example his mother tells me he is so sweet and tender with small animals.

Well yesterday a neighbor dog was inside my front porch, where he left the gate open, and to get him out he kicked the dog hard inthe rear.

I saw that and brought him in.

He really believes it is better to say sorry afterwards that ask permission before.
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Well, based on what you've said... I'd feel a little concerned. A basic psych evaluation might give you a handle on what is going on in his head.... just a thought. :shrug:
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Henrin said:
If you really go around hitting dogs it's a bit hypocritical to get mad at him for it. I know what you say, but this has nothing to do with me, but doesn't it? Do you really think you can go around slapping dogs and there is no risk of that behavior popping up in your kids?
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Moderator's Warning:
Either quote where he said he goes around hitting dogs or drop that line of inquiry. If he didn't say that he does such things (and in fact he said he doesn't) then this borders on baiting.
 
 
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Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Henrin said:
If you really go around hitting dogs it's a bit hypocritical to get mad at him for it. I know what you say, but this has nothing to do with me, but doesn't it? Do you really think you can go around slapping dogs and there is no risk of that behavior popping up in your kids?
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So if he sees me drinking a beer, then that gives him permission to also drink a beer even though he has been told not to?

When your kids do something wrong, do you look for the reason why and excuse it if you can understand why they did it, or do you punish them for what they did.

I do not go around slapping dogs, but if the two hyper dogs I have jump on me, yes I hit them, like a slap to get them off me.

The kid has to listen and do what I say without question for his own good.

Maybe with your kids it is a voting situation but not with mine.

if he is in danger of crossing the street with a car coming he needs to listen when I tell him to stop where he is. I don't care about his opinion that he wants to cross the street at that moment.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Goshin said:
I rarely raise my voice to children. On the rare occasions I do, it is the deep-throated 'voice of command' issuing a terse ultimatum, and rarely ever is that disregarded.... because they know that's their last warning before....

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Even toddlers hear the authority of the male voice. They know.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Mason66 said:
That is like rolling the dice and hoping it will work.

Since I live in Mexico, I don't want him growing up to be a good Mexican, which means having no respect for authority at all.

You are right that the punishment should be enhanced, however doing the same thing, albeit for a longer time, is doing the same thing.
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No it isn't....at all. Saying so just shows that you have little concept of what good parenting is about.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

solletica said:
The punishment should fit the crime. The End.
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but this is not a crime discussion, this is a spanking/physical punishment discussion with regard to children.

Children might break rules, but how can a child ever (especially at a young age) make rhyme or reason for their parents hugging and embracing them and then those same parents who you rely on for love and comfort go ape**** and take out of branch of a tree/belt/end of wood to beat the crap out of you?

Yes, children must be punished if they break rules, but to take your hand to them (or something in your hand) gives off the wrong message. It gives off the message that the ones who love you may hurt you. That violence is the best option to punish rule breakers. That using your voice and reason is second/third/forth to a good old beating.

That kind of message gives a child the wrong message because there is a good chance he will have a negative relationship with that parent, he will repeat the same behaviors in his life (whether it be on the street, in school, in his later relationship or towards his/her own child).

And there are countless of options parents can take instead of a physical assault on their own flesh and blood to discipline them. The only thing (according to most if not all experts) is that you have to be consequent and that is where most parents fail, especially the beating ones because often that parent is very very angry when they decide to punish that child and act accordingly. Learning out of fear is not a desirable way to teach anything to any living thing.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

disneydude said:
No it isn't....at all. Saying so just shows that you have little concept of what good parenting is about.
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I am glad you know everything about my son.

Youcan roll the dice with your kids. It is too dangerous here to do that.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Mason66 said:
I am glad you know everything about my son.

Youcan roll the dice with your kids. It is too dangerous here to do that.
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I never claimed to "know everything about your son". However, it doesn't take a rocket science to know that hitting kids is not only not the most effective way to teach a child discipline it teaches children that using physical violence is the way to deal with your problems. I'm guessing that is a lesson that you learned from your parents.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

We can say what we want about corporal punishment. I got spanked as a kid. I never interpreted it to mean that the ones I love are the ones I should fear. I interpreted it as if I choose to do things that I know will result in my being spanked, don't get caught.

And honestly, the belt shouldn't really start till they are, what, 8 or 9? I can't really recall, but...I only remember getting the belt when I was a bit older, not a toddler. Bu to try to hide your child from violence forever will simply result in a RUDE awakening when they are teenagers.


Humans are violent. And EVENTUALLY, one way or another, that fact WILL be driven home to your children.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

disneydude said:
I never claimed to "know everything about your son". However, it doesn't take a rocket science to know that hitting kids is not only not the most effective way to teach a child discipline it teaches children that using physical violence is the way to deal with your problems. I'm guessing that is a lesson that you learned from your parents.
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Not true. Not true at all. On what do you base this? Where is your evidence? That's like saying violent video games is resulting in more gun violence in the US.

My dad spanked me, even smacked me on the head from time to time. I didn't once think that that means I should use violence to solve my problems. THAT lesson came at recess at school, when the bullies came. I learned THERE that violence can sole at least SOME problems. Now? Now I never have to be violent.

So do tell how me about myself, would you?
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

ttwtt78640 said:
Is it acceptable to refuse all further contact with (and support of) your employee or neighbor? How about your dependents? ;)

With special responsibilities come special rights (and vice versa).
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And thus my advise: Keep clear of kids.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

Peter King said:
but this is not a crime discussion, this is a spanking/physical punishment discussion with regard to children.

Children might break rules, but how can a child ever (especially at a young age) make rhyme or reason for their parents hugging and embracing them and then those same parents who you rely on for love and comfort go ape**** and take out of branch of a tree/belt/end of wood to beat the crap out of you?

Yes, children must be punished if they break rules, but to take your hand to them (or something in your hand) gives off the wrong message. It gives off the message that the ones who love you may hurt you. That violence is the best option to punish rule breakers. That using your voice and reason is second/third/forth to a good old beating.

That kind of message gives a child the wrong message because there is a good chance he will have a negative relationship with that parent, he will repeat the same behaviors in his life (whether it be on the street, in school, in his later relationship or towards his/her own child).

And there are countless of options parents can take instead of a physical assault on their own flesh and blood to discipline them. The only thing (according to most if not all experts) is that you have to be consequent and that is where most parents fail, especially the beating ones because often that parent is very very angry when they decide to punish that child and act accordingly. Learning out of fear is not a desirable way to teach anything to any living thing.
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First, Bold part: Think you meant Consistent. And being consistent is a must in anything, not just child rearing.

Also you're making several assumptions for those that spank their children. 1st assumption: That those that spank their child only do so when angry. That is actually false. Might be true for some yes. But it is not always the case. I spank my children. I'm never angry when I do. In fact I purposely avoid doing so when I am angry. Second false assumption is that those that spank their children ONLY use spanking and no other means of punishment. Third assumption is that those that spank their children never warn or explain consequences before spanking their child. My children know full well what their punishments are for any given thing that they do wrong and WHY they are to be punished should they break a rule. Be it sitting in a corner to being grounded in their room to spanking and all the other options in between.
 
Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

KevinKohler said:
Not true. Not true at all. On what do you base this? Where is your evidence? That's like saying violent video games is resulting in more gun violence in the US.

My dad spanked me, even smacked me on the head from time to time. I didn't once think that that means I should use violence to solve my problems. THAT lesson came at recess at school, when the bullies came. I learned THERE that violence can sole at least SOME problems. Now? Now I never have to be violent.

So do tell how me about myself, would you?
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Actually it is absolutely true...and your analogy involving video games is completely baseless. You may not believe that your Dad smacking you taught you that lesson, but it is clear that it did.
 
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