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How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

We should be raising our daughters

  • Total voters
    86
Tigger said:
Interesting. Especially since my fiance and I live quite pleasantly on my roughly $65,000 a year salary less than 15 miles outside the second largest city in New England. I don't have a Master's or PhD to my name. I have an Associate's Degree from what may as well have been a trade school. It's possible to do, so long as you are willing to be practical and intelligent about how you do things.
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Would definitely agree that that would be plenty to raise a kid on.
 
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I am 32 year old single mother of three girls. Two in primary/middle and one 1st year of college. I am not a religious person and my daughters know I'm bisexual. I have never hit or struck them, nor humiliate them. I'm perhaps too open minded and permissive. I've allowed them and a few times, prevented them, from making certain mistakes.

A perfect mother I am not but I take pride in the way they've developed their own uniqueness.
 
Paxaeon said:
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32 year old single mother...one 1st year of college.
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th
 
Lursa said:
But let's face it, you have invented your own deal based on how *you choose to live your life* and created the 'afterlife dude and his philosophy' after the fact. Meaning just something to reinforce your desires, not the other way around. You are completely doing as you choose and making the rules...and then creating some greater authority whom you infuse with validating YOUR lifestyle. (In other words, you are really the ultimate authority.)
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After my father's death in 2001 I went on a spiritual search. It took me almost two years but I found that no organized religion held anything useful for me. Then I started looking for something that did make sense. It took me another 18 months to find what made sense to me.

Lursa said:
That's fine. It really means you have no accountability since you make all the rules, but we would all like to live that way (probably).
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That's interesting since I'm not even able to totally live up to the ideals that I believe in.
 
Dragonfly said:
How should we be raising our daughters these days?

Should we try to instill independence, strength, common sense, confidence, perseverance, self worth, and a strong desire to achieve great things?


Or should we raise them to be dependent, submissive, shy, and always in need of protection? Wallflowers?


Should we push them towards greatness?

Or should we teach them that their place is always in the background?

Should we have a desire for them to be the leader, the captain, the driver?

Or should we teach them to accept always being the passenger, along for the ride but never making the decisions or steering the boat?


Should we raise our daughters as achievers? CEO's? Entrepreneurs? Bosses?

Or should we raise them to be followers?


Should we tell our daughters they can be ANYTHING they wish to be? Whether it be a mother of 5 kids, or the scientist that cures cancer while stationed on Mars after having piloted the first mission to Mars?

Or should we tell our daughters their place is to be a good, quiet, and submissive "second" to their spouse?

Should we raise your daughters to be strong?
Or are they to be weak and defenseless?


How do you think our daughters should be raised today?
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I'm glad I'm not in the child raising business any longer. Drive past any prom. The girls are dressed like French whores. It's hard to fathom that their mothers let them out of the house looking the way they do.
 
Maenad said:
I'm glad I'm not in the child raising business any longer. Drive past any prom. The girls are dressed like French whores. It's hard to fathom that their mothers let them out of the house looking the way they do.
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We had THAT exact same experience when we went to our oldest daughter's first middle school chorus concert.

It is amazing what parents will allow their kids to wear.
 
Tigger said:
That's interesting since I'm not even able to totally live up to the ideals that I believe in.
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Sure, but since it's all something you derived yourself, you know very well you have no consequences if you do not live up to those ideals. They are the guidelines you have set to live your life by....that's really all. And you can move the baseline anytime.
 
Maenad said:
I'm glad I'm not in the child raising business any longer. Drive past any prom. The girls are dressed like French whores. It's hard to fathom that their mothers let them out of the house looking the way they do.
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Hmmm...I'll be right back.

*grabs binoculars*
 
There's no age restriction to yoga pants....and if you're looking at 15 year olds..... :shock:
 
Bodhisattva said:
What is wrong with jocks? I was an honor roll 4 year letterman jock in three different sports. Nobody was more of a jock than me... nobody. I still managed great grades and the ability to impress myself in many areas of life. I am very good looking as well.
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You were the exception to the rule. The majority of the Jocks I went to school with are working menial jobs due to their focus on popularity and athletics. Jocks only make up a small percentage of any school populace. I was a semi-jock myself but I did not run in the Jock circles. I saw the hierarchy created by the popularity of jocks in my school. As a result of their popularity, the majority of the girls centered themselves around them. I knew many great guys that I went to school with that never got their due attention from girls simply because they were not jocks. I would teach my daughter to put little value in popularity. To see value in personality over popularity.

I would not teach my daughter to approach guys because if they approached the wrong guy that could create problems. Getting to know a guy first in a realm where they have common interests or run into each other is better. Then they are not approaching. Instead they are initiating another step in an already existing relationship. It is also better to avoid the slut approach which would certainly get tossed around quickly.
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What problem would it cause? It teaches her that she determines who she ends up with and not to allow guys to determine who she ends up with. It also opens up her options. Instead of just taking what comes to her, she could put her own values into the process instead of others placing their values on her.

Other than those two you have a lot of sweeping generalities...
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Well, a topic like this is going to contain generalities. I don't have time to write a book on it.
 
Dragonfly said:
There's no age restriction to yoga pants....and if you're looking at 15 year olds..... :shock:
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It happens. If you can honestly say you have never checked out a chick you thought was older, then at some point realized you might be a dirty old man (because you saw her face) , you are lying thru your teeth. I can honestly admit to checking out a girl thinking she was in her 20's and then noticing something that made me realize she was a teenager...
 
Capster78 said:
It happens. If you can honestly say you have never checked out a chick you thought was older, then at some point realized you might be a dirty old man (because you saw her face) , you are lying thru your teeth. I can honestly admit to checking out a girl thinking she was in her 20's and then noticing something that made me realize she was a teenager...
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I agree that it happens; some teenagers (both boys and girls) look older than they really are

But if you look at Gipper's posts, he was grabbing binoculars to go look at underdressed girls going to high school proms -that was definitely about deliberately checking out under-age girls, not accidentally drooling after one and then realizing they were under-age. You might want to start at post 333 and review what he said that Dragonfly responded to.
 
paddymcdougall said:
I agree that it happens; some teenagers (both boys and girls) look older than they really are

But if you look at Gipper's posts, he was grabbing binoculars to go look at underdressed girls going to high school proms -that was definitely about deliberately checking out under-age girls, not accidentally drooling after one and then realizing they were under-age. You might want to start at post 333 and review what he said that Dragonfly responded to.
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While checking out younger chicks is slightly questionable, I don't see a crime in just looking. Everyone was 16 at one point and biology does not change much between 16 and 50. I do have a problem with any type of sexual contact between a teenager and an adult, but at what age seems to be blurry to me. In some cases I believe that there are 15..16..17 year olds who are mature enough to consent while there are 19..20..21..22 year olds who are not mature enough. Since there is no way to really tell, I guess I have to agree that there needs to be an age of consent regardless. However, I think people get stuck on it to much and don't look enough at each incident on a case by case basis, which is how they should be looked at.
 
Gipper said:
Ah well. At least there are some teenaged girls in short-shorts around McDonalds this morning.
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Glad my daughter isn't at McDonald's.
 
Lursa said:
Sure, but since it's all something you derived yourself, you know very well you have no consequences if you do not live up to those ideals. They are the guidelines you have set to live your life by....that's really all. And you can move the baseline anytime.
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If you truly think so little if me, this conversation is over and there will not be any others in the future.
 
Gipper said:
Or make sure she wears pants and not daisy f'n dukes.
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She doesn't. I don't think I have to worry about her dressing like that. She's too much like me.
 
Tigger said:
If you truly think so little if me, this conversation is over and there will not be any others in the future.
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I'm ok with that either way. But from what you have written, from your own words, that is what I've gathered.

Lots of people in the world write their own rules and dont consider themselves accountable...as you have pointed out as well. You created your own code, based on many sources, and that is what you live by. Why you felt the need to invent your own higher power, since they are all your own rules, I dont understand, except that that is how you were raised.
 
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Capster78 said:
You were the exception to the rule. The majority of the Jocks I went to school with are working menial jobs due to their focus on popularity and athletics. Jocks only make up a small percentage of any school populace. I was a semi-jock myself but I did not run in the Jock circles. I saw the hierarchy created by the popularity of jocks in my school. As a result of their popularity, the majority of the girls centered themselves around them. I knew many great guys that I went to school with that never got their due attention from girls simply because they were not jocks. I would teach my daughter to put little value in popularity. To see value in personality over popularity.


.
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Weird. In my school, there were tons of jocks in the smart crowd. We all hung out in the library. In the top 50 in the class (grade-wise) many were also athletes.
 
Lursa said:
Weird. In my school, there were tons of jocks in the smart crowd. We all hung out in the library. In the top 50 in the class (grade-wise) many were also athletes.
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I have attended 7 schools across the nation due to my mom being military. I have run into smart jocks, but from my experiance they are the exception more than the rule.
 
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