View Poll Results: We should be raising our daughters

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  • like it's the 1700's - dependent and submissive

    3 3.03%
  • as princesses

    6 6.06%
  • no different than how we raise our sons

    17 17.17%
  • to be independent and strong individuals

    66 66.67%
  • squirrel ......

    7 7.07%
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Thread: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

  1. #81
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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
    When you say "entire culture" then why single out women as being the ones with issues?

    Also - why should anyone be taught that they "need" someone else?

    This "you complete me" bs is crazy. Why not we compliment each other?

    To be successful does a woman need a man? Does a man need a woman?

    Are you defined by your "significant other"?

    Individuality and independence are great for guys, but not so great for girls?
    I don't single out women- I see women as being where the societal change has taken place, and although it was a good thing, there were negatives about it as well.

    I'm not saying teach people that they need someone. I am saying that often we do need someone- not to fill in the gaps, but to give us someone to share with. There is nothing wrong with doing life solo, but there's also an advantage to being with someone that you trust and count on like no other. We (as we typically do in America), swung the pendulum widely, rather than moderating and improving the lot of women. We used to tell them they needed a man to survive. Now we tell them that they don't need anyone at all, and it's led to a sort of self-absorbed view in general.

    As for need- yes, I think it goes both ways. Men and women need each other- not because either is inferior, but just because it adds a really nice dimension to life to have someone you can trust and relate to completely. I was married for a long time. I am fine without a husband, and I can support myself without any problems. That being said, I miss having intimacy (psychological as well as physical). It's not that I NEED a man. It is that I enjoy having that type of relationship.

    I am independent and assertive regardless of my relationship status. When I was married, my husband told me on more than one occasion that one of the things he loved about me was that I was not afraid to stand up to him. He was a highly intelligent man, with a mind of his own, and had I been passive, I would have been completely irrelevant. That is not a healthy relationship. I don't advocate for people to marry their opposite, due to some need to fill in their own blanks, but for people to form relationships which challenge them to grow and improve as humans.
    "God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all things which alter my plans and intentions, and change the course of my life, for better or for worse."
    -C G Jung

  2. #82
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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    Quote Originally Posted by lizzie View Post
    Exactly! I think the op was rather disingenuous, and a knee-jerk reaction to some of us who don't necessarily buy into the notion that American women are the perfect model around the world.
    There are plenty of decent American women around, but our entire culture is based on a rather self-centered pov these days, and this gets extended into our personal relationships, with women thinking that being strong means they don't need anyone else.
    Too often, I think people buy into the notion that these kinds of distinctions have to be strictly binary in nature. They have been fed the message that there are basically only two types of women in this world; those who are "empowered" and do not need men, and those who are "codependent" and are doomed only to do be bred into an early grave by misogynistic patriarchs, and they have gobbled it up without question.

    No one seems to want to acknowledge that there is space between these two extremes, no one wants to believe that traditional notions of femininity and masculinity might hold any merit, and basic notions of familial duty and civic responsibility have come to be held as being all but anathema to the "me" centric vision of the world modern culture tries to put forward.

    While I'm not sure if I'd even know how to raise a girl to be a "princess" (I'm a bit too rough around the edges for that myself, I suspect ), I wouldn't see any problem with raising one to acknowledge the reality that she is, in fact, a girl, and shouldn't be afraid to act like one.
    Last edited by Gathomas88; 02-25-14 at 02:53 PM.

  3. #83
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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    At my wife's instance, we raised our Daughter to be able to stand on her own should the need arise.
    To that end She is well educated, married, and seems like a well adjusted adult.
    I considered myself a success as a parent, when I found my adult children were not just good
    people, but interesting to be around and have a conversation with.

  4. #84
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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    Quote Originally Posted by Gathomas88 View Post
    While I'm not even sure if I'd even know how to raise a girl to be a "princess" (I'm a bit too rough around the edges for that myself, I suspect ), I wouldn't see any problem with raising one to acknowledge the reality that she is, in fact, a girl, and shouldn't be afraid to act like one.
    I would pity the poor girl whose lot it would have been, to be born to me. She would not have been pampered and pooed over. She would have learned to take the heat, think on her feet, and be as great as she could be. The warrior spirit runs deep in my veins, and any child of mine would be exposed by default.
    "God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all things which alter my plans and intentions, and change the course of my life, for better or for worse."
    -C G Jung

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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    Quote Originally Posted by longview View Post
    At my wife's instance, we raised our Daughter to be able to stand on her own should the need arise.
    To that end She is well educated, married, and seems like a well adjusted adult.
    I considered myself a success as a parent, when I found my adult children were not just good
    people, but interesting to be around and have a conversation with
    .
    Omg, same here. My son is one of the few people that I can have a meaningful conversation with, with full disclosure of what I think and believe. I know a handful of other people that I think the same about, but they are rare gems.
    "God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all things which alter my plans and intentions, and change the course of my life, for better or for worse."
    -C G Jung

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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    Worst thing in the world is a needy and clingy woman. Teach girls a moderate level of independence.

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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    I voted to raise them as strong individuals and independent. But I also wanted to click on the princesses choice. Let me explain why. Girls are not like boys. They are 97% of the time more sensitive than boys and need a hell of a lot more attention, especially from the father. With boys you can just teach them the basics and let them find out the rest.You cant quite do that with girls. You have to teach them to be strong willed when it comes to schooling and college. If my daughter wants to be a doctor, great. If she wants to small business owner, fantastic. You have to teach them from a very young age that they should be treated like princesses as long as they deserved to be treated as such. To date boys and men that have respect for them and treat them with much love and care. You can't be brute nor aggressive with a girl. If you do as such they will go up and be very different from other women if you like it or not. A woman is not to be an aggressive, cold-hearted being. And the more independent they are the farther they will go in life. I will never teach my daughter to be fully dependent on a man.But will encourage her to look for a man that she can lean on during her tough times in life and likewise with him. These are just my thoughts on the subject, but what do I know I'm still a young dad and have a whole lot of issues ahead of me.

  9. #89
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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    Quote Originally Posted by Tigger View Post
    We're only looking at 1 or 2 of them. If they disappoint me, they essentially get erased from the family history, as if they never existed in the first place. No skin off my nose.
    No, I said her job is to support her family, and especially her Husband. Love is irrelevant to the concept, and if I did mention that idea, it was in total error.
    You may change your attitude when you do become a parent, Tigger, parenthood can change people.
    Your fiance is going to marry you knowing that you do not love her? That's sad.

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    re: How We Raise Our Daughters - 21st Century [W:87,158,368]

    Quote Originally Posted by LadyMoonlight View Post
    You may change your attitude when you do become a parent, Tigger, parenthood can change people.
    Your fiance is going to marry you knowing that you do not love her? That's sad.
    She doesn't believe in Love either, LM. For different reasons we both learned that Love does not really exist before we were 15 years old. We got to see the darkness in the human heart very early in life and understand that the only person anyone looks out for is themselves. She'll be 33 this year and I'll be 40. Neither one of us has found anything to change our view on Love over that period of time.

    The idea that parenthood changes people is one of the reasons I've never had a significant interest in it.

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