I do my concrete style thinking when I am wearing my engineering hat at work mostly, when I am building systems
Lets start over, but this time I will state my reasoning. Children are by default selfish and self centered.
Children start off with the task of learning themselves. Babies come out of the womb needing to learn how to perform basic motor functions such as grab things they want to and other functions such as distinguishing shape and color. They are self centered out of necessity because we all gotta start somewhere in the path to learning. So at a young age, they get good enough to learn to walk, speak, and engage in other social behaviors. However, they are still self centered because this is the only experience they have to go on thus far.
The parent's job is to begin socializing them. while other kids can, children who are not fully socialized (and the vast majority are not, look at the majority of teenagers out there) make poor parents. There are exceptions of course, my girlfriend basically had to raise her sister at the age of 8, but they are exceptions and not generally the case. So as children mature, parents tend to have to be the ones to say things like "stop kicking your brother!" or "we need to learn to share" which are lessons in morality.
This is not to say that your position cannot be true, children can find their way on their own, and sometimes this happens, but again, its not generally the case. Without parents or other role models to say things like "stop kicking your sister" children may not become aware that kicking their sister actually causes their sister pain. And in cases where they do, they may enjoy causing their sister pain (kids get in fights all the time and often for predatory reasons). Kids who are like this tend to be viewed as needing help growing up "that child needs discipline". If an adult acts like that "punching some guy out in a bar fight", they tend to be viewed as flawed. Its far more normal for children to behave in unsocial ways is my point.
At some point, usually around the teenage years, the influencing of behavioral modeling from parents wears off, by then, its like the bird's first flight, will they apply the lessons they were taught or not? results tend to be mixed and often teenagers, once they get a bit of life experience tend to go back to those lessons and realize that they are important. However, if those lessons were never taught, any number of other reactions become far more likely to occur, but more often than not tend to still be self centered and unsocial.
Last edited by tacomancer; 03-11-14 at 10:01 PM.
As can a number of other factors, ranging from irresponsible parental behavior, unrecognized predispositions, to outright harm to children via actions in the orphanage system. When an adoptive parent adopts, it's very difficult to pinpoint the root cause of a child's psychological and developmental issues. In contemporary America we no longer see middle and upper class (class here being used as a shorthand proxy for women who are not dealing with psychological issues of their own) girls being sent away to visit an aunt for 9 months where they can have a baby and turn it over to an orphanage.As an adoptive parent I can tell you that benign neglect in orphanages certainly can result in psychological and developmental issues.
"Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers" - Voltaire
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self" -Hemingway
Children in orphanages commonly have issues with bonding with their adoptive parents, making friends, many times they are sensitive to touch, have difficulties with social norms, have a hard time with empathy, can have anger issues, and a whole host of issues including a higher statistical likelihood of developing personality disorders. Obviously genetic factors come into play as well. Moreover, some personality types have better coping mechanisms than other types and thus are less likely to have issues (ISFJs are less likely to have personality disorders than INTJs for example). However, all things being equal, kids growing up in neglected environments are statistically more likely to develop personality disorders.
"You're the only person that decides how far you'll go and what you're capable of." - Ben Saunders (Explorer and Endurance Athlete)