View Poll Results: Men: Would you marry an American Woman?

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Thread: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by grip View Post
    There is no "boss", chief or primary personality and though one or the other often leads in the dance, they must always be aware that there is "no dance", without a partner.
    I believe that oftentimes, there is. A dominant personality can easily set the tone for the entire relationship. I saw this in my own experience. His personality was strong enough that I had to shore up my own, by necessity. If I had not, I would have been completely overshadowed. He was a good guy, but there was no doubt whose personality was going to shine brightest, and no doubt where the power struggle would have been won, had I not learned to assert my own. This wasn't a conscious thing in the least- just the personality types at play in our particular situation.
    "God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all things which alter my plans and intentions, and change the course of my life, for better or for worse."
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    Dammit Gathomas, this is what I'VE been saying all along, that a relationship is a PARTNERSHIP and that one spouse/SO is not more dominant than the other, at least in a healthy and good relationship.

    You are the one who started off in this thread talking about how men are the dominant ones (or SHOULD be) in their relationships with women, and I am the one who has been saying that is just not true. Then you go and try to make it sound as if that is what YOU have been saying all along? WTH do you think all the women have been arguing with you about throughout this thread then?
    Again, honestly, I think the biggest problem here is that the words "dominant" and "submissive" carry negative connotations for a lot of people that they really don't for me.

    In any case, we're talking about more or less the same thing here. We're simply describing it differently.

    I do think that men are a bit more "assertive" than women a lot of the time, but it would be a mistake to assume that women do not turn the tables in other ways. You women can be friggin' dangerous when you want to be.

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    Quote Originally Posted by grip View Post
    There are certain traits about sexes that are common, like men are hunters and women nest.
    But submissive vs domineering is more about personality than sexuality.
    True, though I would stick by my claim that women tend to prefer assertive men much more commonly than men prefer assertive women.

    It's simply a trait which is far more commonly associated with masculinity than femininity.

    For example, my father had a strong personality and may have appeared to dominate my mother but he didn't make any family decision, without consulting her opinion. He may have made announcements or initially decided punishments to us kids, but she always intervened for a lesser sentence.
    Exactly. My family was much the same way.

    Women want an equal on the levels that are important, not a simple minded slob. Of course, men don't want an overbearing control freak that nags them all day. It's a give and take relationship that requires work, and even on the best of days it's not easy.

    I have a friend who says his girl wants him to read her mind. And I said, no she wants you to pay attention and not take her for granted.
    Yessir. Take her for granted and you're going to lose her.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    Ahem . . .
    What? I stick with what works!
    Last edited by Gathomas88; 03-03-14 at 02:04 PM.

  3. #1253
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by lizzie View Post
    I believe that oftentimes, there is. A dominant personality can easily set the tone for the entire relationship. I saw this in my own experience. His personality was strong enough that I had to shore up my own, by necessity. If I had not, I would have been completely overshadowed. He was a good guy, but there was no doubt whose personality was going to shine brightest, and no doubt where the power struggle would have been won, had I not learned to assert my own. This wasn't a conscious thing in the least- just the personality types at play in our particular situation.
    The word dominate means to exercise control and influence over. In a relationship, neither asserts any control without the others permission. If you allow someone to dominate you that's more about personality than sexuality. When I say, there's no primary personality, it's meant in the sense that one isn't the whole relationship.

    Men are definitely more aggressive and assertive because of our testosterone nature. We want to pee on everything to mark our territory. But just because women practice verbal Jujutsu (“art of softness”, “way of yielding”) or Judo (“gentle way”) doesn't mean they can't dominate or exert control. Their Yin to our Yang is just as potent in many cases. Any person, who dominates a relationship is simply exerting a sense of control over another thru their personality, but in actuality there's still a bond of give and take that flows both ways. Now someone being abusive or completely overbearing is not a healthy relationship, and though it happens, it's not the subject I'm describing.
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by lizzie View Post
    I believe that oftentimes, there is. A dominant personality can easily set the tone for the entire relationship. I saw this in my own experience. His personality was strong enough that I had to shore up my own, by necessity. If I had not, I would have been completely overshadowed. He was a good guy, but there was no doubt whose personality was going to shine brightest, and no doubt where the power struggle would have been won, had I not learned to assert my own. This wasn't a conscious thing in the least- just the personality types at play in our particular situation.
    This is pretty much what I observed in my parent's relationship as well.

    My mother is not a "weak" woman by any stretch of the imagination. She's actually rather independent. My father really isn't a "control freak" either.

    However, it was always fairly clear which one of them possessed the more "dominant" personality in the relationship, and which one was more responsible for setting the overall "tone" of the environment.

    It was just kind of the way things were, and it worked for them.

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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by Gathomas88 View Post
    True, though I would stick by my claim that women tend to prefer assertive men much more commonly than men prefer assertive women.

    It's simply a trait which is far more commonly associated with masculinity than femininity.
    Men are more assertive in a different way than women, but not necessarily more controlling. Control is a funny thing to define, when many men are going in the direction that *think* they chose.

    I'd say women prefer confident men, while men prefer agreeable women. And both sexes are pretty good at faking both....lol
    Einstein, "science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."

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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    I think generally speaking... In America, women are the dominant entity in the vast majority of relationships. All one has to do is follow the money. And more than 70% of all consumer spending is controlled by women. Which means women are the ones making the majority of the decisions in relationships. Not only that, women control sex in relationships and they control when relationships will end (70% of women are the initiators of divorce).
    I don't know about spending equating to "dominance" per se, but I would say that no fault divorce and the legislation that goes along with it have given women a disproportionate amount of power over marriage. That really isn't a "good" thing.

    It's actually the major reason why so many men are avoiding the institution entirely these days.

    Given how women can basically choose to end a perfectly workable marriage and walk away with half a man's assets for no other reason than that she happens to feel like it at that particular moment, it's not hard to see how the idea of "marital bliss" might come to be viewed as being less than desirable for a lot of modern men.
    Last edited by Gathomas88; 03-03-14 at 02:29 PM.

  7. #1257
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    What are you waiting for then? But as I have warned, all the rules are stacked against you if for some reason she becomes dissatisfied with your marriage down the road. I hear people thinking about getting married say that they are sure their marriage will not fall within that 60%+ that ultimately fail. Of course they believe that. I don't think anyone gets married with the thought that they will get a divorce, but it happens. And it happens 60% of the time.. And more than 70% of the time, the male has no control over it because 70% of the initiators are women. Go ahead and get married. Marriage use to be a tool that leveled the field within a relationship when women did not have workplace rights they have today. Now they have them, and the institution of marriage has not changed along with that change. Marriage is still treated as a protectorate of women and their financial well being even as they are virtually equal in todays workplace. What happens is men who get divorced in the US, many times end up in financial ruin. If you want to put your financial future at risk, that's your choice. But I advise all young men that are willing to listen to skip marriage completely until men have equal rights in that realm.
    Try the geographical problem, I am in the Netherlands and she lives in the US.

    I do not know that the rules are stacked against men. Maybe it is men who are the dumb asses who cause marriages to fail (even if women are partly to blame often too and in some cases they are to be blamed entirely for the collapse of a marriage). If men see their marriage as their personal kingdom then in time most women will walk away from that marriage, even if they are hanging in too long at times. Men need to learn that a marriage is a partnership. You do not cheat on your partner. You do not treat your partner as someone who is not equal to you. You do not disrespect your partner by not spending quality time with her.

    You are rights, mostly it is women who initiate the divorce, but I will guess that the reason for said divorce is usually the behavior of her husband (they cheat, they beat their wifes, they treat their homes as a hotel with their wives as their personal slaves). And men do get into problems when they divorce, maybe that will teach them to have pre-nups. A lot of women skipped going to a good school because their husbands all but demanded she stayed home, knocked up if at all possible and not get a good education. Men on the other hand often do have careers, their wives did not have that same opportunity and thus the man is usually in a much better financial state, that will mean that he will have to support the mother of his children as much as possible. A lot of men also liked their wives at home, the women did not have a career and now are having to play catchup in the careers department. And a lot of the times the women will almost solely take care of the children in their marriage and that will have to come at a price for the men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    Are you blind? Men are continually the butt of jokes and its openly expressed throughout our society. Women treat men terribly in America. They use their sexual worth to manipulate men into getting what they want out of a relationship. The minute the man figures out what she is doing, she is on to the next man doing it to him. Or even worse, the man never figures this out and becomes a dog on a leash wagging his tail for every small tidbit treat his wife gives him. He becomes a broken man, totally subservient to her.

    It's sad, and I see it everywhere. Many here may not be interested in nightlife or going to bars or clubs but it is rife there. I love to do people watching type activities and all you have to do is sit in a bar and watch the social dynamic that goes on. Women are extreamly manipulative and down right mean sometimes. Its really interesting to watch them play their little games with poor unsuspecting guys that aproach them. Weather it be for free drinks, or amusing entertainment, most men in these establishments are mere free entertainment to these women. Entertainment for them to brag to their girlfriends about.. About how many guys they told off, or how many guys hit on them.. Its all an exercise in ego inflation and they love the attention.
    No, not blind. Men are finally being the butt of jokes after centuries of women being the butt of male jokes. Women are giving back as much as they get. I truly believe that women are still much more often the butt of male jokes compared to men being the butt of jokes by women. Women given is good as they get is called emancipation and if male ego's cannot handle that, well, tough luck I would say..
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    2nd to men?? Let me give you some statistics here and then tell me men are still 2nd to women in our society.

    Women, on many campuses, make up over 50% to as high as nearly 70% on some college campuses. Women earn most of the degree's in the US.
    Men make up over 95% of workplace deaths.
    Men commit suicide 3 times more often then women, and as much as 7 times more likely once they reach old age.
    Women live longer by 3-5 years depending on what stats you look at
    Women make up more than 70% of the consumer spending in the US (but somehow make less then men, interesting)
    Women initiate divorce 70% of the time

    And those are just a few statistics, there are many more that should sway anyone with a working brain that men are certainly not ahead of women.
    Great, how is women's pay stacking up to men's pay? Career opportunities? On the job harassment? How are the women being treated there? The same can be said for women business leaders ,politicians, CEO's, etc. etc. etc.

    Men work more dangerous jobs then women so it is logical that they run a higher risk of getting injured. And who knows, maybe women are not getting injured or killed that much because they are more attentive to what they are doing. They do not let their male ego get in the way of doing a good and safe job.

    And that women are the stronger race might have to do with the fact that they do not act as stupidly as men, they do not beer guzzle as much, take better care of their bodies by not smoking, binge eating, shuffling down red meat, etc. etc. etc.

    And that women do more than 70% of the consumer spending might be because men are at work/lying on their backsides watching the game when their wives do the shopping.

    And I have a few statistics for you.

    Rape statistics, the statistics of women who are sexually abused in their marriage, the women who get killed by their idiot husbands/boyfriends for doing something the big ego of the man could not live with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    That is because most women will not marry a man that makes less money than she does. Men who are willing homemakers, or willing to sacrifice a meaningful career to take care of children so a woman can continue her career simply do not attract women. Women demand equality, but still carry many traditional values themselves that they need to adjust. They need to be willing to lower their standards in the area of marrying a man who wants to be successful in the workplace. Women want their men to be well educated and high earners in the workplace, but at the same time complain that men do not take their fare share of the housework. Well, you can't have both! And if you marry a man that wants to have a successful career, don't be surprised when he WANTS A SUCCESSFUL CAREER! The most successful people are going to be the ones willing to work the longer hours and put more effort into advancing. When you have a family, you simply do not have the same amount of time to invest as someone who is single and has a lot less responsibilities at home.
    And that is the problem, men see it as an either or issue. Women might not all be attracted to men who want to become househusbands, women are looking for partners is life in general. Not an either or. It is not you go to work or I go to work but let us both go to work, both take care of the children and both be responsible for the household.

    Women are still not being empowered enough when they grow up, too many parents till work with the old "man strong, woman weak" mentality, combined with the "man work, woman not" attitude. This will not happen in one generation but women are finally taking up their place and some men (no doubt in part due to their upbringing) cannot handle the new power that women are taking. These men are confused and need to get with the program because true partnership will work much better than the male machismo run household where the woman does what her male master demands of her.


    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    Their rightful place? I thought the whole point was to give women the CHOICE to enter the workplace if they wanted. Nothing about being career minded makes one better then another. In fact, I believe, that telling women they have to go out and work simply made Men equal to Women and not the other way around. Men, for centuries, have had no choice to work. Working jobs they don't like, putting their lives on the line to support their family. Now women are expected to contribute financially as well as maintain the family. Before, the roles were evenly spread between a couple. While women did not have a say in what role they would play in a relationship, neither did men. Both men and women had roles and societal expectations that came with those roles. We like to pretend that only men had a choice, but they never had a choice. And they still don't have a choice today. A mans choice if he wishes to be successful with women is to work....work....or work. That has never changed... A womans choices have expanded. She has the choice to work or stay at home if she wishes. A choice men dont have. When men get married they have a choice to work...work...work... when children come the mans choices change to... work... work overtime...work more than one job. Where as a woman has a choice, a man does not. Not unless he wishes his wife to divorce him at least. The real fight should be to expand a man's choices. There needs to be a push to change societies view that men who do not work are deadbeats or undateable. They may be great fathers!!! If women have the choice, men should as well!
    Yes, their rightful place. This is not about men giving women "the choice" but rather women being given the same chance as men to succeed in a career. It is about an attitude change of women being forced to choose between their children and working towards a career. The whole system has to be reworked so that women do not have to choose for one or the other. And no, the roles were not evenly divided between men and women, men were the decision makers and women were the ones who had to do what their men told them. Don't get me wrong, men deserve the same life choices that women should get, but to be fair, usually they already have all the options women should equally have.

    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    And men need to stop being enslaved into the workplace for women. Need to stop being slain on the battlefield to protect women. Men have been enslaved by women for centuries. Both sexes have been enslaved to each other for centuries. In all acutality, both statements are pure ignorance. There was always a really good reason men and women had traditional roles. The reason those roles existed have only, in recent time, been deemed unecessary due to technology. 100 years ago, the workplace was not safe for women which is why there has always been traditional gender roles until recently. Men have not enslaved women. To say so is just ignorance. Both men and women traded their own freedoms to each other in order to survive life and pass that life on to the next generation. This whole idea that men have enslaved women is pure rubbish.
    Men are whiny pathetic creatures who have made all the decisions in the past few centuries that have made the the main breadwinners, the only ones who got to be soldiers/fights. Men have enslaved women. The only thing men are enslaved to is the male ego and their own idea that men are better than women and should be the kings everywhere. Not only in the house but also on the job site, in decision making, in war mongering in just about everything.

    It is not for nothing that in the brides wedding vows in days not too distant, it said "to love, honor and OBEY".
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by Gathomas88 View Post
    Again, honestly, I think the biggest problem here is that the words "dominant" and "submissive" carry negative connotations for a lot of people that they really don't for me.

    In any case, we're talking about more or less the same thing here. We're simply describing it differently.

    I do think that men are a bit more "assertive" than women a lot of the time, but it would be a mistake to assume that women do not turn the tables in other ways. You women can be friggin' dangerous when you want to be.
    Okay, yes, a lot of times the male personality will be the more assertive. However, that is certainly not the case all of the time, and that it is becoming less and less "typical."



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    I don't think it's working though!

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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

    Quote Originally Posted by Capster78 View Post
    I think generally speaking... In America, women are the dominant entity in the vast majority of relationships. All one has to do is follow the money. And more than 70% of all consumer spending is controlled by women. Which means women are the ones making the majority of the decisions in relationships. Not only that, women control sex in relationships and they control when relationships will end (70% of women are the initiators of divorce).
    Oh well, according to some, they would just be doing their "womanly" duties. If some guy is going to have ME under his thumb, then I'm going to spend all of his money on myself.

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