you two better quit before gipper wanders into this thread
However, what you've described is kind of exactly my point here. Under most circumstances, men simply aren't cut out for that kind of relationship dynamic. We want to be "alpha males;" if not in the world in general, then at least in our own homes.
A man who allows his woman to push him around and basically take "alpha" status from him is A) going to resent it, and B) was likely rather weak willed and vulnerable to such things in the first place.
As such, the relationship is, more often than not, going to be unhealthy.
Some people might be able to make it work, but I doubt it is especially common.
"Men did not love Rome because she was great. She was great because they had loved her." -- G.K. Chesterton
I think you're confusing submissiveness with meekness. They are not the same.
A lot of people are meek. In fact, more people are meek than are submissive. That's why a dominant person (which is different from controlling, again) has to work so hard.
Submissive people are perfectly capable of raising their voice when they need to. It's just that they usually don't want to.
Meek people are not. Their vocal chords are pretty flimsy.
Now, personally, I am a very mixed-trait person. There's really nothing about me that's middle-of-the-road. So I prefer men who are dominant where I am submissive, and submissive where I am dominant (although in reality, I think it's more complex than that -- it's more about capability than high/low).
I think this is true of nearly everyone. I have never met any dominant person -- male or female -- who is dominant in everything, and has the stamina to be dominant all the time without break. Never.
I have, however, met controlling people who want to be controlling about everything, all the time. Because being controlling is a lot easier than being dominant. If you're just controlling, you don't care about how the people under your purview feel. It's about you and your sense of control. But for people who are dominant, it's about the goal and the well-being of everyone involved.
Being controlling is easy. And there are plenty of controlling men out there, and yes, if you can't tell the difference between dominance and controllingness, it might appear to you that "dominant" men want women who are consistently more "submissive" than they are, and dominant women want equal or more dominant men, but really, that difference is created by men who are controllers who want women who are meek.
People get different things out of relationships, and there are dominant people -- male and female both -- who prefer an over-all submissive partner. They tend to be dominant types of a more extroverted bent, so they have a bigger pool of people from whom they can draw balance. But I don't notice any gender break-down in this, and as an introverted person with a strong dominant streak, I require a partner who is... shall we say, "complimentary," if not necessarily "equal," because I have a smaller pool of balancing people.
Last edited by SmokeAndMirrors; 03-02-14 at 04:06 PM.