View Poll Results: Men: Would you marry an American Woman?

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  • Yes

    72 70.59%
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    23 22.55%
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Thread: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?[W:771]

  1. #1031
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gathomas88 View Post
    To which points in particular do you refer?
    Okay well QUESTION. Wondering what issues in which you think women would need to be lead.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    Like what? You'll have to be more specific.

  2. #1032
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gathomas88 View Post
    To be fair, I think many women do have an expectation that a man be confident enough to "take charge" of at least some aspects of a relationship, and they do often tend to prefer men who possess that quality over those who don't. This might not necessarily be true of all women, but I do think it is true of most (it's certainly more true of women than the reverse is true of men, in any case).

    However, it should also be noted that "taking the lead" doesn't necessarily imply that a man need be domineering either. It's perfectly possible to be "the man" in a relationship without going into full-on "Tigger" mode.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gathomas88 View Post
    In any eventuality, it's hardly like I'm going to be forcing my way of doing things on any woman against her will here. Women ultimately hold far more power in "choosing" their partners than men do.

    By and large, men tend to prefer to feel like we've got things "under control" (regardless of whether that is only what women allow us to think or not ). Women usually prefer to feel secure.

    This isn't universally the case, of course; but I would certainly say that it is true in the majority of cases.
    I don't think it's about *leadership* and *having someone else make all the decisions for you*
    I think what most people want is a relationship in which both people either share responsibilities - or it balances out in some fashion. Ultimately: no one wants to marry a bum, a shiftless nobody who does nothing. Everyone wants to be with someone who: A) Upholds their 'end of the deal' (whatever that may be), B) Is relatively stable, not too clingy or needy. Both men and women are drawn to individuals who are not overly reliant. Men and women both declare a lack of 'personal insecurity' and 'a lack of self confidence' to be major put-offs for any relationships.

    All in all: both men and women want a partner who is capable, stable, and reliable. I've never heard someone say otherwise, even those who are dominant and want a submissive. They still want her to be confident and capable of something.
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  3. #1033
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheGirlNextDoor View Post
    So..because I would prefer a man who has a job and ambitions like *I* do...that's shallow?
    Ah...no??? I thought I was clear that the notion it was shallow for women to want a successful man was wrong. I'm not sure how you got the opposite impression.

  4. #1034
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gathomas88 View Post
    It just kind of happens in my experience. Do what you're going to do, and be confident about how you do it, and a lot of women will just kind of go along with you. They even seem to like it.

    Beyond that, bossy, domineering women who are liable to second guess or excessively interfere in what I'm trying to do tend to get on my nerves. While the occasional bit of constructive criticism is certainly called for, and I can handle even overtly bitchy women in small doses, much more than that is eventually going to lead me to push back, which tends to be less than productive all the way around.

    Frankly, given how often they complain about partners that they can "push around" , it wouldn't appear that most women appreciate the more submissive types of men any way. It is pretty damn rare to see a man complain about about the reverse situation.

    This isn't to say that both partners can't exert influence over the relationship. To the contrary, I'd argue that women hold more influence than most men realize. They simply exert it in more subtle ways under many circumstances.

    A "real man" shouldn't have to bully his woman to gain her respect, and a "real woman" shouldn't have to be a shrew to make her voice heard in a relationship.

    The man may be the "head" of the houshold under many circumstances, but the woman is the neck and the heart. The neck turns the head and the heart keeps things running.
    Dude, who else is going to give you the time of day except women who are already pre-disposed to dealing with your attitude on relationships? For all we know, you and I have met at some point, but I wouldn't factor into your experience because I would sooner eat my hand than get in a relationship with someone who has such contrary beliefs to myself. You can't make statements about all women based on who you've dated when, obviously, someone who doesn't like your view wouldn't date you.

    It's really telling that a woman who doesn't fit your model of submissiveness is "bossy," but if you do it, it's the way things should be, and apparently how all women want it to be.

    Of course no well-adjusted woman wants a wimp. No well-adjusted man does either. Being a wimp is a trait of someone who is not mature enough to be in a relationship, and so is being insecure enough to want one. Duh. And yet you kind of desire it in a woman...

    And I hate all this "head versus neck" talk. It means nothing. It's a hollow consultation to soften the blow of basically saying that you expect to get your way because you, as the man, simply know better, and any decent woman should know that you know better and go with it. It's like when parents let their child hold a wrench so they can pretend they're helping fix the sink, and then pat them on the head and go, "Aren't you the best little plumber? Yes, you are!" Don't patronize women, please. We're not stupid.

  5. #1035
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL
    Like what? You'll have to be more specific.
    well, generally women prefer men who are able to lead. They prefer men who are able to make decisions rather than push decisions off on them. Leading is often either a duty or a risk in a relationship - and women are generally less risk seeking, and prefer that men take on that role. They prefer men who are willing (for example) to initiate the relationship by asking them out (thus accepting the risk of rejection), they prefer men who are willing to initiate marriage by asking for their hand, they even prefer male bosses to female bosses. It is far more common for a woman to want a man who will take control in the bedroom than the reverse - which is one of the reasons why men initiate sex far more often than women. If I had a nickel for every time I asked my wife where she wanted to eat out and she said "I don't know - you pick".... well... I'd have a pocketful of nickels, to be sure. But that's just a typical, anecdotal example.

    Women are generally attracted to, and want, men who are dominant - who are alpha males, who are leaders - they are hardwired for it, just as men are (generally) hardwired to want to be that guy. Women are more likely than men to prefer to be led. It's biological.

  6. #1036
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by SmokeAndMirrors View Post
    And I hate all this "head versus neck" talk. It means nothing. It's a hollow consultation to soften the blow of basically saying that you expect to get your way because you, as the man, simply know better, and any decent woman should know that you know better and go with it. It's like when parents let their child hold a wrench so they can pretend they're helping fix the sink, and then pat them on the head and go, "Aren't you the best little plumber? Yes, you are!" Don't patronize women, please. We're not stupid.
    You are missing what he is saying. Not being leader =/= being patronized, any more than your boss at work tells you aren't you just the cutest little writer in the world, yes you are...

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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    Okay well QUESTION. Wondering what issues in which you think women would need to be lead.
    I don't think saying that women "need to be lead" would be the right way to look at things here. I think it's more the case that men simply tend to have more assertive personalities than women, and a mindset more focused on the practical concerns that tend to go into being an effective protector and provider.

    Women tend to appreciate those qualities in men. They also often aren't focused on the same things in life as men anyway. Where more material matters are concerned, at least, this often leads women to allow men to play more "dominant" roles in male / female relationships.

    Again, however; I think it would be a mistake to say that this means that women are without a will of their own, or that men have complete control.

    It's ultimately a partnership. It simply happens to be the case that the male and female members of that partnership contribute in different ways more often than not. Men tend to focus on the more material aspects of maintaining the partnership, while women focus more on maintaining the emotional bonds represented by the relationship itself.
    Last edited by Gathomas88; 03-01-14 at 05:55 PM.

  8. #1038
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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by cpwill View Post
    You are missing what he is saying. Not being leader =/= being patronized, any more than your boss at work tells you aren't you just the cutest little writer in the world, yes you are...
    The thing is, the way most guys who think this carry it out, I don't believe that crap, because that's not what I actually see them doing. What I see them doing -- and I will borrow ChrisL's very apt metaphor -- is basically looking for a mommy to pick up their socks, only this one won't tell them what to do, or even make much fuss about what she would like to do.

    And even in rare cases where the claims about "the neck" aren't simply disingenuous, it is still insulting to try to tell all women how they should be and how their relationships should be. If that works for you, fine. But you don't get to tell me or any other woman what works for us.

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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by cpwill View Post
    well, generally women prefer men who are able to lead. They prefer men who are able to make decisions rather than push decisions off on them. Leading is often either a duty or a risk in a relationship - and women are generally less risk seeking, and prefer that men take on that role. They prefer men who are willing (for example) to initiate the relationship by asking them out (thus accepting the risk of rejection), they prefer men who are willing to initiate marriage by asking for their hand, they even prefer male bosses to female bosses. It is far more common for a woman to want a man who will take control in the bedroom than the reverse - which is one of the reasons why men initiate sex far more often than women. If I had a nickel for every time I asked my wife where she wanted to eat out and she said "I don't know - you pick".... well... I'd have a pocketful of nickels, to be sure. But that's just a typical, anecdotal example.
    Well geez, for someone who is so young and still practically a newlywed, you sure seem to an AWFUL lot about women and what they want. You must have been QUITE the stud when you were available on the dating scene since you know us women SO well. Lol! What makes you think your personal experience count anywhere except in your own mind?

    Also, how many times, when you wife says "you pick" and you pick Chinese, does she say, "well, I'm not really in the mood for Chinese tonight."? Hmmmmm?

    Women are generally attracted to, and want, men who are dominant - who are alpha males, who are leaders - they are hardwired for it, just as men are (generally) hardwired to want to be that guy. Women are more likely than men to prefer to be led. It's biological.
    My, my you should write a book Mr. I Know What Women Want.

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    Re: Men: Would You Marry an American Woman?

    Quote Originally Posted by SmokeAndMirrors View Post
    The thing is, the way most guys who think this carry it out, I don't believe that crap, because that's not what I actually see them doing. What I see them doing -- and I will borrow ChrisL's very apt metaphor -- is basically looking for a mommy to pick up their socks, only this one won't tell them what to do, or even make much fuss about what she would like to do.

    And even in rare cases where the claims about "the neck" aren't simply disingenuous, it is still insulting to try to tell all women how they should be and how their relationships should be. If that works for you, fine. But you don't get to tell me or any other woman what works for us.
    I wonder if some men want a woman or a child?

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