View Poll Results: Are we living in a parallel universe that diverged on 9/11?

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  • Yes, we're living in a parallel universe that diverged on 9/11

    3 60.00%
  • No, we're not. There's only one universe and this is it.

    2 40.00%
  • Yes, we're living in a parallel univese, but not from the one described in the thread!!!

    0 0%
  • Stop wasting everyone's time with stupid questions.

    0 0%
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Thread: Are we living in a parallel universe that diverged on 9/11?

  1. #1
    Advisor aberrant85's Avatar
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    10-04-15 @ 02:01 PM

    Are we living in a parallel universe that diverged on 9/11?

    Universe 1, the real Universe:

    Jan. 21, 2001: President Bush's first full day on the job. Pretty sweet! If only a bunch of "W's" weren't missing from the keyboards...

    Feb.10, 2001: Just sent my new Tax Cut plan to congress. Everyone's gonna love this!

    Aug. 6, 2001: A bunch of dudes from the CIA just told me that Osama Bin Laden is planning to launch an attack in the US. WTF?? Told them to work with the FBI to figure out what's going on.

    Sept. 11, 2001: Holy s***! The FBI and CIA traded info, and TOTALLY found a couple guys on terrorist watch lists that somehow made it into the US!!! They led us to a bunch of other dudes that are suspicious. Plus, they had all bought plane tickets to the west coast on separate flights for today for some reason. Weird.

    Oct, 2001: Well we shot a bunch of cruise missiles at Bin Laden's ass and totally f****d him up. What a dork! Seems he was planning to send those morons on a mission to highjack planes and fly them into our most iconic buildings. How f****d up would that have been? Congress is pissed I didn't tell them first...

    Mar, 2002: Welp, people love their low taxes, but the budget surpluses are gone. Oh well.

    Sept, 2002: I'm trying to sell this idea on invading Iraq to depose Saddam Hussein, but it's not going anywhere. Cheney and Wolfowitz told me to pin that whole Bin Laden plot on Saddam, but I don't think congress is buying it.

    Nov, 2002: Dang, just lost a bunch of seats in the House and Senate. I know they say this happens in every President's mid-term, but it still hurts...

    Nov, 2004: Won the election against that jerk, Howard Dean! Nobody cares that I tried to preemptively invade a non-threatening country. Everyone loves their low taxes!!

    Feb, 2005: I shouldn't have listened to Cheney! He said now that I have a mandate, I can sell that war with Iraq! Still, no one's buying it. Whose idea was it to make him VP anyway???

    Aug, 2005: Some big hurricane is gonna hit New Orleans. Oh well, my man Brownie and FEMA are on the case. They'll do fine.

    Sept 1, 2005: Aw, crap.

    July 4, 2006: Michael Bay releases Air War One, a $120M Hollywood blockbuster based on the foiled Bin Laden plot. It features 159 explosions, 40,000 fatalities, and tons of boobs. It makes $750M.

    July 4, 2008: Michael Bay releases Air War Two, a $200M Hollywood blockbuster sequel of the movie based on the foiled Bin Laden plot. It features 331 explosions, 90,000 fatalities, and tons more boobs. It makes $1.5 BILLION. A third movie and second trilogy is green-lit.

    Oct, 2008: The economy's in the toilet, and now the tax cuts have created huge deficits. McCain's pissed because he lost the nomination to Romney because he's seen as more as a 'business man'. Look at me, I'm the first President with an MBA and I still managed to f*** up the economy! Hillary's gonna win for sure.

    Nov. 4, 2008: Knew it.

    Jan. 21, 2009: President Hillary Clinton's first day on the job. Pretty sweet! Except for that whole economic meltdown happening. At least the national debt isn't that bad. Could have been a lot worse, somehow?

    Mar, 2010: YES!!! We passed universal health care reform today! Single payer, everyone gets a spanking new health care card. They're calling it HILLARYCARE! Everyone agrees it's the most left-wing, socialist program ever created. WAY more than if it had no public option, had a conservative think-tank originated plan called an "individual mandate," and didn't guarantee universal coverage. That would have been SO MODERATE!!

    Spring 2011: Holy crap, all these people in the Middle East are rising up and demanding a voice. This is awesome! Wait, a couple of these douche bag dictators are shooting at their people. There, and there. I just launched NATO airstrikes that took out the Gaddafi AND Assad regimes. That was easy. Imagine convincing the American people to support this if they had just gone through a decade of non-stop war!

    Summer 2011: S***. Now the people rising up against Saddam are getting killed. This will be trickier. I better get an authorization from Congress to use more military force. Good thing those Syria and Libya missions were such a cake walk or they would've never gone for it.

    Nov, 2011: Democrats won more seats in Congress. And we invaded Iraq! Operation Arbitrary Codename (no need to get overly noble and patriotic with a codename, that's not what they're for). In and out in three weeks, the generals say!

    Oct, 2012: WTF????!!!!! They told me that winning in Iraq would be a cinch!!! We've lost more troops in the last 10 months than in the three weeks before I declared combat operations over!! There's no way I'm gonna win re-election! They said I have to raise questions about the Republicans' ability to wage war, but why would I want to politicize a war? That's sick! Only a monster would do that. Plus it's JOHN F***** McCAIN running. He's a g*dd**n war hero! What am I gonna do, find a bunch of the guys he served with to baselessly question his heroism in Vietnam? People aren't that stupid.

    Jan. 21, 2013: President John McCain's first day on the job. Gotta get on that Iraq War, figure out these massive deficits, but about those Iranians...gotta get them before I die of old age!

    MEANWHILE, IN UNIVERSE 2 (Our Universe)

    Sept, 2013: Oh, well, that's weird. We pretty much are in the same place, give or take. Guess this isn't that easy.

  2. #2
    WCH's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    Just north of the Kremlin on the Colorado
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    Yesterday @ 03:55 PM

    Re: Are we living in a parallel universe that diverged on 9/11?

    I don't know why but, this scenario makes me feel somewhat better.

    Probably no cult-like followers for Hillary.

  3. #3
    Black Is Smart
    Van Basten's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
    The New New Frontier
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    10-25-16 @ 10:44 PM

    Re: Are we living in a parallel universe that diverged on 9/11?

    One of the more entertaining posts I've seen on this forum.
    "I am not among those who fear the people. They and not the rich, are our dependence for continued freedom." -- Thomas Jefferson, 1816 "[F]acts are before ideas." -- Mikhail Bakunin, 1882

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