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Bullying...

How are we doing at addressing bullying?

  • We're not doing enough.

    Votes: 26 43.3%
  • We're right on track and taking appropriate measures.

    Votes: 7 11.7%
  • We're blowing it way out of proportion.

    Votes: 20 33.3%
  • Other.

    Votes: 7 11.7%

  • Total voters
    60
Not yet, but I could make a genuine effort to have a mod need to move it down there if you'd like. :D

I would do it, but I'm skating on thin ice as it is around here.
 
It's a difficult issue, and how to handle it with your child is tricky.


Outside of gang-infested (mostly) urban schools, most bullying is social and psychological rather than overtly violent... yet it is exactly this kind of bullying that can do the worst and most lasting damage, and is the hardest to deal with or fight back against. A child that is neither socially adept nor eloquent finds it hard to verbally defuse this kind of bullying, and children who already have self-confidence problems can be devastated by it.

Given schools' supposed zero-tolerance against violence, and the frequency with which the law gets involved in school fights, telling you kid just to whup someone's ass is likely going to draw you a whole basketfull-of-Hell worth of trouble... especially if your kid ends up throwing the first blow in front of witnesses, or just defended themselves in the ABSENCE of friendly witnesses. This can result in criminal investigation, lawsuits, and all kinds of Not Good.

It's not like it was when I was a youngster, and I complained to my Dad that someone had pushed me around and he said "Go to school tomorrow and fight him... make sure you give him a couple good punches in the face and win or lose he'll leave you alone afterward." At the time, not bad advice, but things are a lot more complicated these days.

So many youngsters do much of their socializing on the Net that cyber-bullying can result in nearly as much emotional trauma as in-person bullying. I think especially since people tend to say WORSE things to people from the safety of the Internet than they would in person...

My son is 17 and in HS; he's always been big for his age, and trained in martial arts from early childhood, but we STILL had bullying issues anyway because it is more complicated these days than can easily be solved just punching someone in the mouth... though I still think that IS a good response to some circumstances.
 
Yeah, what we probably need to be doing, as we did when I was young and in school, is let someone kick the bully's ass, rather than teaching children to be passive, and punishing them for fighting back against an aggressor.
What they used to do in this area was for the coach to take the two to the gym, put some gloves on them and "make it legal". Sometimes the bully didn't want to accept because then it was a fair fight, sometimes the bully won, but the requirement was to shake hands after the "match". I don't know when that stopped here but my older family members recall well that bullying and fights were stopped at the ring's edge.

I don't know if that is enough today, but it sure brought civility to the school yard back then, fights were much less prevalent and less violent.
 
What they used to do in this area was for the coach to take the two to the gym, put some gloves on them and "make it legal". Sometimes the bully didn't want to accept because then it was a fair fight, sometimes the bully won, but the requirement was to shake hands after the "match". I don't know when that stopped here but my older family members recall well that bullying and fights were stopped at the ring's edge.

I don't know if that is enough today, but it sure brought civility to the school yard back then, fights were much less prevalent and less violent.


Was still going on in '78 when I was a teenager... but I think it ended around here before '80.
 
Quite often the parents themselves are adult bullies.

I remember a family in particular when my kids were growing up. They moved to town when my youngest was in 5th grade. We were friends with the school principal and he told me that when their kids would get in trouble... for some type of bullying, usually... the parents would stomp in and threaten lawsuits and the such if the school did any kind of disciplinary action.
Bullying for years has been considered a learned behavioral cycle. I can remember as far back as my middle school years, a bit over twenty years ago, that the cycle was explained as a top-down structure where the bullied seeks power they don't have because of a bully over them.
 
Was still going on in '78 when I was a teenager... but I think it ended around here before '80.
That's what I'm thinking, my older cousins were telling me about that way of settling problems like that, and they are on about the same timeline as yourself. I know by the time I was in middle and high school it was over with.
 
Bullying for years has been considered a learned behavioral cycle. I can remember as far back as my middle school years, a bit over twenty years ago, that the cycle was explained as a top-down structure where the bullied seeks power they don't have because of a bully over them.

I'd throw in that not all bullies are the same.

There are those who actually don't mean any harm, but they're just accustomed to playing rough and/or bantering in a manner others may take as bullying.
There are those who are seeking power because they feel somehow inadequate or something, as you say.
There are those who are taking their inward pain and trying to put it on someone else outside in the hope that will diminish it.
There are those who just plain LIKE to fight and argue, and the more you argue or fight back the better they like it.
There are those who are just mentally warped.

Got to know what kind of bully you're dealing with to know how to deal...
 
What they used to do in this area was for the coach to take the two to the gym, put some gloves on them and "make it legal". Sometimes the bully didn't want to accept because then it was a fair fight, sometimes the bully won, but the requirement was to shake hands after the "match". I don't know when that stopped here but my older family members recall well that bullying and fights were stopped at the ring's edge.

I don't know if that is enough today, but it sure brought civility to the school yard back then, fights were much less prevalent and less violent.

:lol: Could you imagine that happening today? Could you imagine the ramifications of what would happen to the coach today, with the helicopter parents we have? He'd be standing in the unemployment line before the first punch was thrown.
 
I'd throw in that not all bullies are the same.

There are those who actually don't mean any harm, but they're just accustomed to playing rough and/or bantering in a manner others may take as bullying.
There are those who are seeking power because they feel somehow inadequate or something, as you say.
There are those who are taking their inward pain and trying to put it on someone else outside in the hope that will diminish it.
There are those who just plain LIKE to fight and argue, and the more you argue or fight back the better they like it.
There are those who are just mentally warped.

Got to know what kind of bully you're dealing with to know how to deal...
I can go with that. I've known a few people in life who seemed like jerks, but when they saw that they pushed it too far they were the first to offer a sincere apology and end the incident. I've also seen plenty of RL trolls, people who will push the issue until someone finally whips their ass so bad that the consequences aren't worth the satisfaction of conflict, and all others in between.
 
:lol: Could you imagine that happening today? Could you imagine the ramifications of what would happen to the coach today, with the helicopter parents we have? He'd be standing in the unemployment line before the first punch was thrown.
No doubt, that was the first thing that came to mind, it would only take one set of parents with the right lawyer to end that practice again.
 
:lol: Could you imagine that happening today? Could you imagine the ramifications of what would happen to the coach today, with the helicopter parents we have? He'd be standing in the unemployment line before the first punch was thrown.

After the coach got out of jail the civil suits would begin.
 
Pretty impossible to resist right!?

I've been watching a bunch of old movies lately anyhow and I've been wondering what I should do next. You helped answer that question, thanks!
 
I read it. I simply disagree with it. A completely ostracized 14 yr old, constantly taunted, insulted, ridiculed and alone, has neither the emotional nor physical capacity to take on the entire school while adults imply by their inaction that she must somehow deserve the abuse. We disagree on this. :shrug:

Didn't say they deserved it said its an opportunity to earn respect. Your solution would be what? Run in tell everyone to respect the girl? Good luck with that. Respect is ALWAYS earned NEVER given. They want to be respected they got to earn it. Otherwise they are just meat.
 
So boys who get beat up physically are a serious matter, but girls who suffer public ridicule and derision on-line is trivial? Did you really say something so callous and stupid??

There are cases, probably thousands of them, where a girl has naked photos taken of her without her consent by a classmate in gym class, and those photos are distributed throughout the entire school and beyond, resulting in a flood of hate posts calling her a slut, whore, etc. Boys yell "nice tits!" as she walks the hall of her own school. She receives dozens of insulting texts, and if she has a facebook page, it is filled with derision, ridicule and taunts to "go kill yourself, whore". Boys don't want to be seen talking to her, girls either avoid her or join in the taunts. She's utterly alone. And it doesn't end when she goes home; it's on her phone, her computer, all over the internet. To you this is "trivial"? That is a completely disgusting and revolting point of view, reflecting no understanding, compassion or empathy. It's pathetic, and an unbelievably cruel thing to say.

Yes.

Posting naked pictures of children online is clearly what I meant by trivial teasing.

:roll:
 
New?? There's nothing new about bullying. I don't think there would be a single person here that hasn't been the victim of bullying at least once during their life.

I havn't. Physical bullying was literally nonexistent in my grade school and high school, and other forms were practically nonexistent. I can't even recall one time I've ever been picked on. There was one openly gay kid who got made fun of somewhat, but even then not much and not anything that went very far.

Because of that I can't really relate to a lot of the stuff in this thread. But I do take issue with a few people who have said it's necessary to go through bullying as a child or you'll become weak and passive. Honestly I think most of us who went to my school are doing pretty well for ourselves.
 
I havn't. Physical bullying was literally nonexistent in my grade school and high school, and other forms were practically nonexistent. I can't even recall one time I've ever been picked on. There was one openly gay kid who got made fun of somewhat, but even then not much and not anything that went very far.

Because of that I can't really relate to a lot of the stuff in this thread. But I do take issue with a few people who have said it's necessary to go through bullying as a child or you'll become weak and passive. Honestly I think most of us who went to my school are doing pretty well for ourselves.

Are you sure you weren't just the bully then?

:lol:

I don't think it's necessary to go through bullying as a child to toughen up but I also don't think it's the worst thing that can happen to a child.
 
I'd throw in that not all bullies are the same.

There are those who actually don't mean any harm, but they're just accustomed to playing rough and/or bantering in a manner others may take as bullying.
There are those who are seeking power because they feel somehow inadequate or something, as you say.
There are those who are taking their inward pain and trying to put it on someone else outside in the hope that will diminish it.
There are those who just plain LIKE to fight and argue, and the more you argue or fight back the better they like it.
There are those who are just mentally warped.

Got to know what kind of bully you're dealing with to know how to deal...

So very true. Boil it down and its a matter of respect in most cases, except the rough play which is just ignorance.
 
Bullying has always and always will happen... in schools there is no way to monitor or control it with text messaging, facebook, etc. What we do is to have restorative chats/conferences so that people can express themselves and learn to get along. It works many times but is not a permanent solution. Victims get to express how they felt, etc. Bullies get to explain why they did it, what it might be like for the victim and how to approach the situation differently next time (social skills - you would shocked at how many kids do not understand or think about the consequences of their actions).
 
Except in cases where the problems are physical, or involve legitimate threats of physical violence, you're right. This isn't the kind of world-ending problem a lot of people pretend it is.

I would even go so far as physical violence or threats therein, except in the case of criminal gangs. Even in this day and age of overly stupid no tolerance policies. Sometimes it pays to take the penalty.
 
If you can't handle words as a kid, you may as well just eat a bullet. It doesn't end at adulthood.

I don't want to say "sack up, *****", but...sack up, *****. Minimal bullying is good, because it toughens the skin. It's also a good way to bust a runaway ego down a notch or three.

Here is the problem even back when you are in school suicides among those who were bullied were more common than they are today. It just wasn't given national attention. A lot of thoughts in this thread are through rose coloured glasses.
 
Bullying among kids, right?

Well, it's certainly wrong to just discard it claiming "kids will be kids". That's belitteling the issue. Most of that behavior dismissed in this manner would be considered serious criminal offenses when adults do it. And children should be taught soon enough that this is the case.

Among kids primarily, yes.

I find your point interesting. I cannot disagree wit it, and even greatly agree with it. I'm not sure the penalties should be exactly the same for kids as they are for adults, as kids don't necessarily yet know the impact of their actions, but I agree with the concept of conveying the seriousness.

The interesting part is because the only other time I have heard this espoused... that kids should be held to the same standards as adults (regarding bullying, laying hands on, essentially kid-type behavior, etc.)... was from another person I knew on another forum. What made her points somewhat disingenuous was that she was one of the primary forum bullies herself.
 
Here is the problem even back when you are in school suicides among those who were bullied were more common than they are today. It just wasn't given national attention. A lot of thoughts in this thread are through rose coloured glasses.

Like I said - if something like certain things that pass as "bullying" causes you to kill yourself, you're just saving yourself some time before life goes and actually gets hard.
 
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