View Poll Results: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline Their Children?

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  • Yes, they should be allowed to use corporal punishment if they think it is necessary.

    25 71.43%
  • Yes, but only non-corporal methods should be allowed.

    3 8.57%
  • No, the new ways are just fine.

    7 20.00%
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Thread: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

  1. #51
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    My view is that if smacking were an effective and appropriate means to discipline children old enough to actually make a logical connection between their actions and the punishment, it would be appropriate for adults too. If a parent wishes to use physical violence when their children do something wrong, they should accept it (scaled up in relation to their physical size) from their boss or police officers when they do something wrong.
    Last edited by HonestJoe; 06-28-13 at 07:25 AM.

  2. #52
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    QUOTE=DA60;1061985040]Any idiot can use physical violence to force/teach behaviour.

    The skill is to do so without resorting to such ridiculous means....

    ....Besides, physical pain as a deterrent deteriorates as the victim gets acclimated to it.

    I remember when my mother used to spank me, it bothered me less and less as I got used to it (fortunately, she never increased the severity of the spankings); so much so that in the end, it became little/no incentive not to screw up.

    You obviously have no such comfort level.

    Physically hurting your child does not bother you enough to not do it.

    Which speaks volumes about you - and all the others who do it - as a parent and a person.


    The bottom line is you consider striking defenceless children acceptable...noted.[/QUOTE]

    DA60, I respect your opinions, and have agreed with you on other issues where you have posted. In this case, while I have absolutely no problem with your absolute right to handle matters with your own children as you see fit, I find your arguments against allowing other parents the option...less satisfactory.

    I think your premise that spanking is always merely "violence" inappropriately applied to a "defenseless child" is a bit extreme. While I can agree that some parents can be prone to the use of excessive force, enhanced by using inanimate objects as weaponry, I cannot agree that the use of controlled, focused pain will necessarily result in harm to a childs development.

    My advocacy is based upon a reasonable expectation that parents love their children and will not punish with the intent to cause lasting harm, only to imprint negative effects of bad behavior. I also agree this is not something you should attempt with mature children because it has less on the intended effect and a greater chance of instilling resentment and disharmony.

    However, from the "terrible twos" to perhaps the "rebelious sixes," I think is serves a useful function. In the first place, it should never be done in anger, or in public. The child should always be punished in the home, and only after the parent has calmed down enough to remember that the punishment is to teach a lesson, not to vent against the child.

    My ideal of the process would be as follows: Before it occurs, the parent should explain the purpose for the spanking, and that they are not angry at the child. It should then be done with the open palm of the hand on the meatiest portion of the body, the buttocks. It should consist of 1 - 5 swats administered with reasonable force and at a moderate speed. The child should then be reminded again of the reason for the spanking, then comforted and told that you still love him/her. The use of the open palm is to allow the parent to feel and share in the pain, and to moderate the force being applied properly.

    This process should cease completely when the child is old enough to be disciplined through the use of reason coupled with restrictions of privileges. A 10 year old is likely to respond to not being able to go out and play with freinds for a weekend, while a 15 year-old would not want to give up having freinds over or giving up the use of his XBox for a month.

    Of course other parents would expand on my suggestions or even think them unrealistic. But the point is, corporal punishment adminstered properly, still has a place in a parents chest of options. That perhaps you are being a little too extreme in your blanket condemnation of the practice, because even you seem to admit that during some point the practice it had an effect on your own behavior when used on you as a child.
    Last edited by Captain Adverse; 06-28-13 at 07:45 AM.

  3. #53
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    If hitting children works can we hit old people and the mentally handicapped too.

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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by MoSurveyor View Post
    In actual practice it comes down to that, as I noted earlier, but in theory (like we're discussing) a parent could decide it was necessary at the onset instead of trying other methods first. We've seen that a couple of times in this thread. That's why I'm good with it being 'frowned upon' but not illegal.
    Okay, sounds fair. I was really just thinking I had covered all the bases with the poll options.

  5. #55
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by captainawesome View Post
    If hitting children works can we hit old people and the mentally handicapped too.
    Have you ever worked with the mentally/emotionally handicapped?

    I have. I've been bitten, kicked, scratched, hair pulled and punched by some, because they don't know how to control their emotions. Those that are at that level will at times require physical restraint to prevent full out attacks, but I have never struck one, because they don't have the ability to understand the consequences of their actions.

    It's a different situation then dealing with a child who has the eventual ability to understand the consequences of their actions.

    No one has said spanking the first resort, and normally it's the last.
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    SORRY FOR REPEATING THIS BUT SOME GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM CAUSED THE QUOTE (WHICH ALERTS THE PERSON I WAS RESPONDING TO OF MY REPLY) NOT TO WORK.

    Quote Originally Posted by DA60 View Post
    Any idiot can use physical violence to force/teach behaviour.

    The skill is to do so without resorting to such ridiculous means.

    I remember when my mother used to spank me, it bothered me less and less as I got used to it (fortunately, she never increased the severity of the spankings); so much so that in the end, it became little/no incentive not to screw up.

    Finally, there are those parents that simply do not wish to hit their children.

    The thought is so uncomfortable that they cannot bring themselves to do it.

    Which speaks volumes about you - and all the others who do it - as a parent and a person.


    The bottom line is you consider striking defenceless children acceptable...noted.
    DA60, I respect your opinions, and have agreed with you on other issues where you have posted. In this case, while I have absolutely no problem with your absolute right to handle matters with your own children as you see fit, I find your arguments against allowing other parents the option...less satisfactory.

    I think your premise that spanking is always merely "violence" inappropriately applied to a "defenseless child" is a bit extreme. While I can agree that some parents can be prone to the use of excessive force, enhanced by using inanimate objects as weaponry, I cannot agree that the use of controlled, focused pain will necessarily result in harm to a childs development.

    My advocacy is based upon a reasonable expectation that parents love their children and will not punish with the intent to cause lasting harm, only to imprint negative effects of bad behavior. I also agree this is not something you should attempt with mature children because it has less on the intended effect and a greater chance of instilling resentment and disharmony.

    However, from the "terrible twos" to perhaps the "rebelious sixes," I think is serves a useful function. In the first place, it should never be done in anger, or in public. The child should always be punished in the home, and only after the parent has calmed down enough to remember that the punishment is to teach a lesson, not to vent against the child.

    My ideal of the process would be as follows: Before it occurs, the parent should explain the purpose for the spanking, and that they are not angry at the child. It should then be done with the open palm of the hand on the meatiest portion of the body, the buttocks. It should consist of 1 - 5 swats administered with reasonable force and at a moderate speed. The child should then be reminded again of the reason for the spanking, then comforted and told that you still love him/her. The use of the open palm is to allow the parent to feel and share in the pain, and to moderate the force being applied properly.

    This process should cease completely when the child is old enough to be disciplined through the use of reason coupled with restrictions of privileges. A 10 year old is likely to respond to not being able to go out and play with freinds for a weekend, while a 15 year-old would not want to give up having freinds over or giving up the use of his XBox for a month.

    Of course other parents would expand on my suggestions or even think them unrealistic. But the point is, corporal punishment adminstered properly, still has a place in a parents chest of options. That perhaps you are being a little too extreme in your blanket condemnation of the practice, because even you seem to admit that during some point the practice it had an effect on your own behavior when used on you as a child.

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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by GottaGo View Post
    Have you ever worked with the mentally/emotionally handicapped?

    I have. I've been bitten, kicked, scratched, hair pulled and punched by some, because they don't know how to control their emotions. Those that are at that level will at times require physical restraint to prevent full out attacks, but I have never struck one, because they don't have the ability to understand the consequences of their actions.

    It's a different situation then dealing with a child who has the eventual ability to understand the consequences of their actions.

    No one has said spanking the first resort, and normally it's the last.
    I have worked with the disabled.

    If violence workes why not use it on the disabled and elderly?

  8. #58
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by GottaGo View Post
    Have you ever worked with the mentally/emotionally handicapped?

    I have. I've been bitten, kicked, scratched, hair pulled and punched by some, because they don't know how to control their emotions. Those that are at that level will at times require physical restraint to prevent full out attacks, but I have never struck one, because they don't have the ability to understand the consequences of their actions.

    It's a different situation then dealing with a child who has the eventual ability to understand the consequences of their actions.

    No one has said spanking the first resort, and normally it's the last.

    I agree and totally relate. I work in a field with D/D adults and they don't understand. That's why they receive services. I also have been punched, kicked, bitten, and generally gotten my ass whooped at work. I've also restrained several people in order to keep them from hurting themselves or others.

    Also, as the mother to two teenagers, I've only spanked my kids during times of immediate danger to drive home a point. Also, once kids get to be teens, there's very little physical discipline is going to do. I haven't met a parent yet That's tried spanking first. Hell, the hard part of having kids is teaching them how to be responsible and respectful adults. It truly is a life long job.
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  9. #59
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheGirlNextDoor View Post
    Also, as the mother to two teenagers, I've only spanked my kids during times of immediate danger to drive home a point.
    If smacking is an appropriate means to drive "home a point" for children, wouldn't it be equally appropriate for adults, maybe from the police officer who catches you speeding or the manager disciplining you for ignoring health and safety rules?

  10. #60
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    Re: Should Parents Be Given More Freedom to Discipline their Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by HonestJoe View Post
    If smacking is an appropriate means to drive "home a point" for children, wouldn't it be equally appropriate for adults, maybe from the police officer who catches you speeding or the manager disciplining you for ignoring health and safety rules?
    I spanked my daughter when she was 3 after almost running into heavy traffic. I didn't say smacked...

    That's the only thing you took away from my post? Did you ever spank your children on the rear end in such a situation? I can count on one hand how many times I swatted my kids on the butt in the last 17 years.

    Try something other than a strawman for your argument.
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