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At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?


  • Total voters
    42
Let's keep the discussion kinda focused somewhat on the topic please.
 
Yeah I ain't gonna lie. I liked where the thread was going, but ah well.

Upon first meeting, tell me. Said my peace. Have a great day, everyone!
 
This will be a multiple choice poll, pick all that apply.

At one point in time, there was an at times interesting discussion on this. Lots of new people around, so going to try it again. The poll lists a number of situations. At which of those situations should a fully post-op transgendered person identify themselves as being that to you?

Note: A bunch of options, please be patient while I type in all the poll options. A poll is coming to go with this.

Edit for clarity: please do not pick just the earliest possible time...ie if you choose "before a first date", please also "before seriously dating" and so on. It makes the relative standing easier to interpret. Thank you.

If you think the other person might want to know, then to state that that time shouldn't be "right the hell now" is fantastically deceitful.
 
I would think that they shouldn't have to 'identify' themselves.
If a relationship progresses to the point that sex is will be involved, then it might be time to say something, and just maybe even then.

A person is who they are, and not identified by if they at one point did or didn't have a certain apendage.
 
I smiled at "before becoming engaged."
 
This will be a multiple choice poll, pick all that apply.

At one point in time, there was an at times interesting discussion on this. Lots of new people around, so going to try it again. The poll lists a number of situations. At which of those situations should a fully post-op transgendered person identify themselves as being that to you?

Note: A bunch of options, please be patient while I type in all the poll options. A poll is coming to go with this.

Edit for clarity: please do not pick just the earliest possible time...ie if you choose "before a first date", please also "before seriously dating" and so on. It makes the relative standing easier to interpret. Thank you.

Whoops. I only picked "before a first date."

I think it should be at least before a first date. However, I think it should be as early as the transgendered person feels comfortable with telling the other person, but before the relationship gets intimate or sexual.
 
Dating, and I would hope they would be able to tell me if we are close friends. Other than that, I have no real need to automatically categorize someone as soon as I meet them.
 
I said "close friends", "before dating seriously" and "before sex".

In my mind, "close friends" means that we've developed enough of a bond that we should be able to tell each other things like that. I would be pretty annoyed if, at that stage in a friendship, I found out from someone else that they were transgender. That said, if they gave a fair reason for not telling me (aka anything other than "I don't consider us close friends, so **** you"), then I would get over it as friends tend to do.

When it comes to dating, I would want to know before dating seriously and before sex because I don't know if I would actually want to date a transgender person. My hesitancy may just be due to ignorance, but I'm hesitant nonetheless and to get involved seriously in a relationship without them telling me that part of their life would make me feel, at best, manipulated. I also think that, for their own safety, they should definitely tell people before having sex because, while I wouldn't react violently, there are a lot of people who would.

Moreover, since transgender people have to deal with a lot crap from the world, I would imagine that people who date transgender individuals get a lot of crap as well. With that in mind, I don't think it's okay for a transgender person to sign someone up for that life unknowingly. In other words, if a person isn't willing to deal with all the prejudice that would probably come with dating a transgender person, they should be given a fair chance to leave that relationship before it becomes serious or before they have sex.
 
This should be revealed at the beginning of the courtship process.

Dating fulfills lots of needs, but the underlying purpose behind it all is the sex. Unless you've got religiously induced sexual repression, it's always best to find that out early if you're sexually incompatible, so as to minimize the sting of fruitlessly invested time, money and emotion. Avoiding immediate disclosure can be dangerous, since people have been known to react with murderous rage.

Telling friends/acquaintances is optional, but any close friendship should definitely have enough trust to merit disclosure.
 
I find it one of those things where it is really hard to make a good call based on my opinions. I am not squeamish about the topic, I do not have to know in most situations. But there would certainly be a line where it would be important to know, not so much due to sex, but due to not being told meant hiding something from me kinda thing.

This. At a certain point, it's just good for the person you want to be involved with to know about the big things that happened in your life that impacted who you are as a person, and what you might be like in a relationship. Not because they need to know, but because starting out with secrets isn't a good recipe for success.

But in the case of TS people, there's another complication. If it were me, I'd be scared to wait until intimacy had happened, or was about to, for fear of violence. And that's incredibly sad, but that's the world we live in right now.
 
For me it'd be due to sex.

Not disclosing everything about your past isn't exactly uncommon amongst people. Not everyone is a completely open book; many people have skeletons in their past that they'd assume keep in the graveyard and not dig up for every future mate, even spouses of long periods of time.

I've learned from times when women would ask me how many women I've been with in my life, and me not cushioning the blow enough. Of course, the relationship doesn't last anyway when people try to determine the future by deciphering the past.

Honestly, I consciously avoid cushioning anything. You wanna know my history? Ok, saddle up.

I have no patience for people who judge me. I'd rather just get rid of them. If being honest about myself does it, then cool. At least I didn't find out a year later.
 
When they feel comfortable revealing it. They're really under no obligation to to reveal it at any point, especially if they're post-op.

I'd prefer to be told, especially since it means my partner cannot produce half of the cells needed to procreate (assuming post op), but only so that we can make plans together to achieve our future goals.

If I'm having sex with or seriously involved with a girl, she'd better damn well let me know whether she's not really a girl ahead of time.

Finding out that my girlfriend, or wife, was post-op trans after the fact would be a rather serious betrayal. I'd actually view it as being about on par with hiding an actively contagious STD.

If I were to find out that he/she had been lying about either the whole time, I'm honestly not sure how I'd react. However, I can assure you that it wouldn't be especially pleasant, and that it'd only get worse the longer they'd kept the secret.

Dating fulfills lots of needs, but the underlying purpose behind it all is the sex. Unless you've got religiously induced sexual repression, it's always best to find that out early if you're sexually incompatible, so as to minimize the sting of fruitlessly invested time, money and emotion.

Even with "religious repression," the ultimate goal of the game is still sex. You'd just be waiting longer for it.
 
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I think they should only feel obligated to reveal it if they are getting into a serious relationship. If you don’t, then you’re going to have to cover up all sorts of things from your past and worried about being “outed”. That is just not healthy for a serious relationship. I also think any condition, or choice, that has left you infertile or unable to have children through conventional means should be divulged in a serious relationship, just in case the other person wants children in the future. For example, I have had a vasectomy. If I weren’t married I wouldn’t feel the need to divulge that piece of information to someone I was just dating casually. But if it got serious enough that we were entertaining the idea of staying together forever, I would definitely bring it up.
 
I believe that a transgendered person should tell anyone who they're in a romantic relationship with that they are transgender. Ideally on the first date, so it's right out in the open from the beginning. But at an absolute bare minimum before any kind of sexual activity is involved. Having sex with someone who doesn't know you're transgender is wrong on a lot of levels. In fact, in some states I think that could be classified as rape.
 
If you are becoming friends, then during that buildup period. I don't just declare a friendship is established personally so I think it should probably come up sometime during the conversations where you find out about a person's family, other friends and background when there is no romantic interest, just friendship. It really isn't that important to me though, I would just want to know to avoid any awkward situations, not when talking about just friendships.

When it comes to romantic interests, it should be before there is any physical affections, such as kissing or intimate touching. For me, this took place somewhere around the first date, either before, during, or when a second date is established (a second date for me always meant I was interested in serious dating). I think this is important for a potential romantic interest to know. It will likely limit that person's potential to establish relationships but unfortunately it isn't right to expect something like this not to be a big issue for a large amount of people. I guess I would put it around the level of a single parent telling a potential interest they have a child.
 
Definitely before they get romantic with anyone, that person deserves to know such things. Relationships are built on trust anyhow, or so they say.

As for friendships, if you're genuine friends and becoming close, it's probably best to get the cat out of the bag.
 
I'd say friends. Friends talk about things, especially the major parts of each other's lives. That would definitely count. The right thing to do would be to tell anyone who you are close to or may ever become intimate, even slightly.
 
What is it with these polls?

Same sex?
Transgender?

What do you people think about all day?


To answer this question?

I have no idea - whenever they feel like it...every situation is different.
 
Trannies shouldn't exist.
 
At sometime before you hop in the showers with them at the YMCA.
 
I'm presuming we're only talking about trans-genders and individuals (SS or OS) with whom a romantic relationship is possible. I'd say around the "Close Friends" area, but "Before the First Date." By discussing the TG matter after becoming close to someone, the reaction will either pave the way to a first date or close off the option altogether.
 
I would say that might be a dealbreaker for some people. It's best to get it out in the open before the first date, otherwise it's very deceptive and just .... wrong.

I don't think it matters as much with friends.

Im not sure it matters that much to me, and I would hope it wouldn't matter that much for many. But it seems to me for those it matter to, better to let it be known before it becomes to intimate.
 
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