View Poll Results: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

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  • When you first meet them

    6 12.24%
  • When you become friends with them

    11 22.45%
  • When you bewcome close friends with them

    8 16.33%
  • Before a first date

    28 57.14%
  • Before dating deriously

    24 48.98%
  • Before sex the first time with them

    19 38.78%
  • Before becoming engaged

    16 32.65%
  • Never

    1 2.04%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

  1. #31
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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    I would think that they shouldn't have to 'identify' themselves.
    If a relationship progresses to the point that sex is will be involved, then it might be time to say something, and just maybe even then.

    A person is who they are, and not identified by if they at one point did or didn't have a certain apendage.
    Building block or stumbling block.... choose.

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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    I smiled at "before becoming engaged."

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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redress View Post
    This will be a multiple choice poll, pick all that apply.

    At one point in time, there was an at times interesting discussion on this. Lots of new people around, so going to try it again. The poll lists a number of situations. At which of those situations should a fully post-op transgendered person identify themselves as being that to you?

    Note: A bunch of options, please be patient while I type in all the poll options. A poll is coming to go with this.

    Edit for clarity: please do not pick just the earliest possible time...ie if you choose "before a first date", please also "before seriously dating" and so on. It makes the relative standing easier to interpret. Thank you.
    Whoops. I only picked "before a first date."

    I think it should be at least before a first date. However, I think it should be as early as the transgendered person feels comfortable with telling the other person, but before the relationship gets intimate or sexual.
    Also, we need to legalize recreational drugs and prostitution.

  4. #34
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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    Dating, and I would hope they would be able to tell me if we are close friends. Other than that, I have no real need to automatically categorize someone as soon as I meet them.
    Michael J Petrilli-"Is School Choice Enough?"-A response to the recent timidity of American conservatives toward education reform. https://nationalaffairs.com/publicat...-choice-enough

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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    I said "close friends", "before dating seriously" and "before sex".

    In my mind, "close friends" means that we've developed enough of a bond that we should be able to tell each other things like that. I would be pretty annoyed if, at that stage in a friendship, I found out from someone else that they were transgender. That said, if they gave a fair reason for not telling me (aka anything other than "I don't consider us close friends, so **** you"), then I would get over it as friends tend to do.

    When it comes to dating, I would want to know before dating seriously and before sex because I don't know if I would actually want to date a transgender person. My hesitancy may just be due to ignorance, but I'm hesitant nonetheless and to get involved seriously in a relationship without them telling me that part of their life would make me feel, at best, manipulated. I also think that, for their own safety, they should definitely tell people before having sex because, while I wouldn't react violently, there are a lot of people who would.

    Moreover, since transgender people have to deal with a lot crap from the world, I would imagine that people who date transgender individuals get a lot of crap as well. With that in mind, I don't think it's okay for a transgender person to sign someone up for that life unknowingly. In other words, if a person isn't willing to deal with all the prejudice that would probably come with dating a transgender person, they should be given a fair chance to leave that relationship before it becomes serious or before they have sex.

  6. #36
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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    This should be revealed at the beginning of the courtship process.

    Dating fulfills lots of needs, but the underlying purpose behind it all is the sex. Unless you've got religiously induced sexual repression, it's always best to find that out early if you're sexually incompatible, so as to minimize the sting of fruitlessly invested time, money and emotion. Avoiding immediate disclosure can be dangerous, since people have been known to react with murderous rage.

    Telling friends/acquaintances is optional, but any close friendship should definitely have enough trust to merit disclosure.

  7. #37
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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redress View Post
    I find it one of those things where it is really hard to make a good call based on my opinions. I am not squeamish about the topic, I do not have to know in most situations. But there would certainly be a line where it would be important to know, not so much due to sex, but due to not being told meant hiding something from me kinda thing.
    This. At a certain point, it's just good for the person you want to be involved with to know about the big things that happened in your life that impacted who you are as a person, and what you might be like in a relationship. Not because they need to know, but because starting out with secrets isn't a good recipe for success.

    But in the case of TS people, there's another complication. If it were me, I'd be scared to wait until intimacy had happened, or was about to, for fear of violence. And that's incredibly sad, but that's the world we live in right now.

  8. #38
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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gipper View Post
    For me it'd be due to sex.

    Not disclosing everything about your past isn't exactly uncommon amongst people. Not everyone is a completely open book; many people have skeletons in their past that they'd assume keep in the graveyard and not dig up for every future mate, even spouses of long periods of time.

    I've learned from times when women would ask me how many women I've been with in my life, and me not cushioning the blow enough. Of course, the relationship doesn't last anyway when people try to determine the future by deciphering the past.
    Honestly, I consciously avoid cushioning anything. You wanna know my history? Ok, saddle up.

    I have no patience for people who judge me. I'd rather just get rid of them. If being honest about myself does it, then cool. At least I didn't find out a year later.

  9. #39
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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    Quote Originally Posted by tessaesque View Post
    When they feel comfortable revealing it. They're really under no obligation to to reveal it at any point, especially if they're post-op.

    I'd prefer to be told, especially since it means my partner cannot produce half of the cells needed to procreate (assuming post op), but only so that we can make plans together to achieve our future goals.
    If I'm having sex with or seriously involved with a girl, she'd better damn well let me know whether she's not really a girl ahead of time.

    Finding out that my girlfriend, or wife, was post-op trans after the fact would be a rather serious betrayal. I'd actually view it as being about on par with hiding an actively contagious STD.

    If I were to find out that he/she had been lying about either the whole time, I'm honestly not sure how I'd react. However, I can assure you that it wouldn't be especially pleasant, and that it'd only get worse the longer they'd kept the secret.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChunkySalsa View Post
    Dating fulfills lots of needs, but the underlying purpose behind it all is the sex. Unless you've got religiously induced sexual repression, it's always best to find that out early if you're sexually incompatible, so as to minimize the sting of fruitlessly invested time, money and emotion.
    Even with "religious repression," the ultimate goal of the game is still sex. You'd just be waiting longer for it.
    Last edited by Gathomas88; 03-27-13 at 04:36 AM.

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    Re: At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

    I think they should only feel obligated to reveal it if they are getting into a serious relationship. If you don’t, then you’re going to have to cover up all sorts of things from your past and worried about being “outed”. That is just not healthy for a serious relationship. I also think any condition, or choice, that has left you infertile or unable to have children through conventional means should be divulged in a serious relationship, just in case the other person wants children in the future. For example, I have had a vasectomy. If I weren’t married I wouldn’t feel the need to divulge that piece of information to someone I was just dating casually. But if it got serious enough that we were entertaining the idea of staying together forever, I would definitely bring it up.

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