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Were these parents too harsh on their daughter?

Did this teen get punished too harshly?

  • No

    Votes: 36 49.3%
  • Yes

    Votes: 12 16.4%
  • I would have looked at other options

    Votes: 20 27.4%
  • Counseling would have been best

    Votes: 5 6.8%

  • Total voters
    73
  • Poll closed .
Yeah, right!

I believe you. I really do!

Much like the constant bull**** you post here, we understand each other perfectly
 
Anyone who answered 'no' is a crappy parent...or will be.

What those parents did is borderline illegal in my opinion.

And way over the border of being emotionally disturbed.

Dickheads.
 
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My point is that I don't believe public humiliation will be effective. They are far more effective ways to teach your child the importance of good study habits and acceptable grades. The sign she carried said, "I am a self-entitled teen...." Teens don't "self-entitle." Teens take advantage of the entitlements their parents provide. Mom said, "I wasn't even thinking about what the public would think," when asked about the apparent uproar that the punishment created in their town.

Everything besides shelter, food and a safe place is a privilege to a child. The TV in her room; her computer, her cell phone, her IPad, her IPod. Everything. Contingent upon what? Breathing? No. Good grades and acceptable behavior.

Where were these parents as she didn't do her homework? Got poor test scores throughout the grading period? Raising kids takes work. It's not something that can or should go on autopilot. That this smart girl was getting poor grades is a reflection of the values in her home. Children are very carefully nurtured to become exactly who they are. And it starts well before they're 13.
Keep in mind, this behavior was most likely in response to her uncle's death, not a bad upbringing. Maybe Mom was having a hard time coping with her brother's death, as well, and didn't see the effect the death (and maybe her reaction, too) was having on the kids. Maybe they just didn't know how to respond to it or deal with it. I don't think this was a case where the daughter had been a holy terror all her life, just a depressed and grieving teenager who didn't seem to have enough support to cope or she wouldn't have been screaming for help in so many different ways.
 
i dont think the punishment was acceptable in any way. Althoguh i do believe parents need to straighten up their kids and put the foot down
 
You know what?

you don't actually know anything about Adam Lonza apart from what you read in the media ... but in fact it does raise an interesting point. I have read a number of articles which refer to the fact that a mass killer had been a victim of bullying - and with it - humiliation

That isn't to say that every victim of bullying and humiliation will become a crazed killer, but many fantasize about getting back at their tormentors - or those they perceive to be their tormentors.

the simple fact is that humiliation does not make you a better person, it does not build your resilience, and it can be extremely damaging.

Most of us experience it at some point of our lives, but we get angry, and move on. often, one of the ways we move on is by recognizing that those people aren't really important in our lives.

but if the person who publicly and deliberately humiliates us is a parent?

It may not be so easy to get over it.

I know parenting isn't easy, and as a grandmother I am seeing the next generation starting to recognize that, but we need to think about the way we discipline our children, and what the impact is. emotional abuse is not discipline.

I have seen enough kids who have been the victims of parents who use emotional abuse as a way to tick a box and say they have dealt with a problem to know that it can be extremely damaging. It isn't always, but quite frankly, anyone who values their relationship with their children., and wants to have a worthwhile relationship with them when they eventually grow up (and even the most difficult teenager eventually does in most cases), would not consider this treatment of a thirteen year old as an option.
My daughter, who is now a mother of three, once told us she didn't realize how stupid she had been and how badly she had misjudged us until she was a parent, herself.
 
My daughter, who is now a mother of three, once told us she didn't realize how stupid she had been and how badly she had misjudged us until she was a parent, herself.

Lols ...

be honest Mo - I bet you can remember not being perfect too ... I know I can!

That's probably one of the reasons why I knew the time would come when the next generation would say the exact same thing your daughter said!
 
Lols ...

be honest Mo - I bet you can remember not being perfect too ... I know I can!

That's probably one of the reasons why I knew the time would come when the next generation would say the exact same thing your daughter said!
LOL! I'm still not perfect and I'll gladly admit it. When people quit making mistakes (or, at least, think they're not making mistakes) they're not learning anything - or they're dead. I don't like either option.
 
Anyone who answered 'no' is a crappy parent...or will be.

What those parents did is borderline illegal in my opinion.

And way over the border of being emotionally disturbed.

Dickheads.

Your post tells us much about how you were raised
 
You know what?

you don't actually know anything about Adam Lonza apart from what you read in the media ... but in fact it does raise an interesting point. I have read a number of articles which refer to the fact that a mass killer had been a victim of bullying - and with it - humiliation

That isn't to say that every victim of bullying and humiliation will become a crazed killer, but many fantasize about getting back at their tormentors - or those they perceive to be their tormentors.

the simple fact is that humiliation does not make you a better person, it does not build your resilience, and it can be extremely damaging.

Most of us experience it at some point of our lives, but we get angry, and move on. often, one of the ways we move on is by recognizing that those people aren't really important in our lives.

but if the person who publicly and deliberately humiliates us is a parent?

It may not be so easy to get over it.

I know parenting isn't easy, and as a grandmother I am seeing the next generation starting to recognize that, but we need to think about the way we discipline our children, and what the impact is. emotional abuse is not discipline.

I have seen enough kids who have been the victims of parents who use emotional abuse as a way to tick a box and say they have dealt with a problem to know that it can be extremely damaging. It isn't always, but quite frankly, anyone who values their relationship with their children., and wants to have a worthwhile relationship with them when they eventually grow up (and even the most difficult teenager eventually does in most cases), would not consider this treatment of a thirteen year old as an option.

I would have used this tactic without question if everything else had failed. I raised my kids this way and all are respectful adults with great jobs and families. We are all very close.

I am on my second marriage and my current wife raised her three believing as you do. One of them is already dead because of emotional issues he could not deal with and her two daughters treat her like **** and do not respect her. She has spent her life savings trying to please these kids now adults. So from personal experience I will support what these parents did.
 
Your post tells us much about how you were raised
Yeah.

It tells you I was raised by parents who were not idiotic, control freaks like these useless dopes.

Deliberately embarrassing your child in public will probably result in one of two things:

- the child will be shamed into submission, but will quietly resent what their parents did and have that resentment fester for a few years until it comes out when everyone least expects it.

- or the child will submit by force but will lose a TON of respect for these idiots and the next time the parents want to browbeat their child into submission - the child will tell them 'no', walk away and never trust them again...rightly so.

This isn't tough love.

This is 'I can't beat my kids anymore, so I will do this instead.'

Sickos.
 
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Yeah...you think you are all very close. maybe you are, maybe you are not.

I have seen a TON of families whose parents thought they were SO CLOSE to their kids...and yet everyone else knew that clearly they were not and the parents were just deluding themselves OR the children were just humouring the parents and giving them lip service.

Parental denial is incredibly common.

So you saying you are close to your kids means nothing to me.

If you treated your kids like these knuckleheads in the OP did...there is NO WAY you are close to your kids UNLESS they are as 'f'ed up as their parents.

He has an odd definition of "close". He says that her kids treat their mother "like **** and do not respect her"

I wouldn't call that "close" either
 
He has an odd definition of "close". He says that her kids treat their mother "like **** and do not respect her"

I wouldn't call that "close" either

Agreed.
 
Yeah.

It tells you I was raised by parents who were not idiotic, control freaks like these useless dopes.

Deliberately embarrassing your child in public will probably result in one of two things:

- the child will be shamed into submission, but will quietly resent what their parents did and have that resentment fester for a few years until it comes out when everyone least expects it.

- or the child will submit by force but will lose a TON of respect for these idiots and the next time the parents want to browbeat their child into submission - the child will tell them 'no', walk away and never trust them again...rightly so.

This isn't tough love.

This is 'I can't beat my kids anymore, so I will do this instead.'

Sickos.

People with your thinking is why good teachers are so hard to find
 
There is nothing easy about teaching children who have been taught that they are worthless.

It is much easier than teaching brats that think there is no consequences for their actions and they can't be disciplined
 
People with your thinking is why poor students are so easy to find

Actually your thinking, my wife's kids are horrible, one dead, she agrees with you. Mine are successful with happy families.
 
It is much easier than teaching brats that think there is no consequences for their actions and they can't be disciplined

That's not easy, either.

Isn't there some other course, something besides teaching a child that he/she is worthless or teaching them that there are no consequences for their actions?
 
Dont know all the details but at first glance...but probably not the best means of motivation the parents could have offered. Not sure how/why people believe that dominance and control is or has ever worked with teenagers. I also doubt whatever parent/child conflicts are currently occurring that they happened over the last few months.
 
Dont know all the details but at first glance...but probably not the best means of motivation the parents could have offered. Not sure how/why people believe that dominance and control is or has ever worked with teenagers. I also doubt whatever parent/child conflicts are currently occurring that they happened over the last few months.
There was a traumatic family event that occurred not long before the problems started - Mom's brother was killed and he was very close to the family. While you're usually right about a long-term problem flaring up when kids get into their teens I don't think that's the case this time.
 
There was a traumatic family event that occurred not long before the problems started - Mom's brother was killed and he was very close to the family. While you're usually right about a long-term problem flaring up when kids get into their teens I don't think that's the case this time.
That could definitely explain it. Kids usually do a great job at being kids (translation, headstrong, rebellious, hormone driven, etc-or as in this case, perhaps an extreme response to an emotional incident). Sometimes parents do a less than stellar job of parenting.

I had 3 A students including one that was fluent in Russian by her sophomore year and one fluent in Spanish and Japanese. My third child...not so much. Now...granted he was a better student up til the 10th grade than I was...but he still decided he wanted to rebel a little, made some bad choices, and didnt want to immediately bounce back. So...we did all we could do after identifying what we really wanted (with the understanding that all we can control is our own choices). We worked to maintain a powerful and positive loving relationship with our son. His world...his choices...his consequences. He managed to choose to pull his head out, graduate ahead of his peers, is a career NCO, and is a great husband and father. Covered in tats, smokes, drinks, and I couldnt be be more proud of him as my son.
 
Actually your thinking, my wife's kids are horrible, one dead, she agrees with you. Mine are successful with happy families.

Soooo...you think your wife's kids are 'horrible'?

Do you tell them that?
 
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