View Poll Results: Would you tell your wife you cheated on her

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  • I would tell her and risk divorce

    24 77.42%
  • I would not tell her and risk her life

    7 22.58%
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Thread: For men only

  1. #41
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    Re: For men only

    I'm not sure whether staying silent would really risk her life, but telling her would no doubt risk mine.
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  2. #42
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by sawyerloggingon View Post
    My wife had her annual physical yesterday and said if her test come back clean she won't need another (guess I have to say it) pap smear for 5 years. They now test for some virus and if you don't have it and have been married 10 years you are very low risk for cervical cancer. My response was the woman knows if she has been with another man in the last 10 years but she can't know for sure if her husband has been with anyone else. The doctors are setting up a big decision here for a man that has cheated on his wife when she comes home and tells him about her 5 year grace period. Tell her you have cheated may get you a divorce,don't tell her and you may be giving her cancer.What would or even will you do when this happens to you?
    Ask a simple question. "To whose benefit would it be for one spouse to make such a disclosure?"

    For the man who has cheated...to make a disclosure prior to the test results would be purely a guilt driven response. Or if you prefer...FEAR.

    F=future
    E=events
    A=appearing
    R=real

    And then test results come back normal...???? Head banging against the wall time, finding an attorney, a new place to live....yadda, yadda, yadda...

    If a woman is describing to her spouse how a test is conducted, the test criteria, and possible outcomes. I'd say that's an open, honest discussion with a spouse about a physical test...period. Had she cheated...in all likelihood she wouldn't have shared about the 5 year part with her husband? If I was her...and cheated, no way would I make all the details of the test included in a discussion with my spouse.

    Soooooooooooo....?

  3. #43
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    Re: For men only

    My wife is always present when I cheat, so I wouldn't have to tell her.

  4. #44
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by sawyerloggingon View Post
    You have a low opinon of men if you think the vast majority cheat on their wives. I for instance have never cheated on any of my wives.
    you are exceptionai,l sawyerrr you are sawyer
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  5. #45
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarcogito View Post
    It might partially be cultural as well. My wife is Cambodian and in Cambodia, and other parts of Asia, it is the norm for men to have women on the side. It doesnít mean the women like it, they just accept it as the norm and hope the men keep it to themselves. I am not saying there arenít Cambodian men who are loyal to their wives, I am just saying in my three years living there I didnít meet any who declared themselves to be. So if that is the world you grow up in, I am sure it affects your outlook.

    That said, I have met American women with that attitude, though admittedly they arenít as common.
    Is that maybe a cultural thing, too, like admitting you don't would make other men think you were odd?
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  6. #46
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by MoSurveyor View Post
    Is that maybe a cultural thing, too, like admitting you don't would make other men think you were odd?

    Entirely possible.

  7. #47
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by Removable Mind View Post
    Ask a simple question. "To whose benefit would it be for one spouse to make such a disclosure?"

    For the man who has cheated...to make a disclosure prior to the test results would be purely a guilt driven response. Or if you prefer...FEAR.

    F=future
    E=events
    A=appearing
    R=real

    And then test results come back normal...???? Head banging against the wall time, finding an attorney, a new place to live....yadda, yadda, yadda...

    If a woman is describing to her spouse how a test is conducted, the test criteria, and possible outcomes. I'd say that's an open, honest discussion with a spouse about a physical test...period. Had she cheated...in all likelihood she wouldn't have shared about the 5 year part with her husband? If I was her...and cheated, no way would I make all the details of the test included in a discussion with my spouse.

    Soooooooooooo....?
    I disagree - it's matter of honor and commitment. I don't keep secrets from my wife. Keeping it secret is adding insult to injury. It would be bad enough to make one mistake, keeping it secret would only compound it.
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    Life goes on within you and without you. -Harrison
    Hear the echoes of the centuries, Power isn't all that money buys. -Peart
    After you learn quantum mechanics you're never really the same again. -Weinberg

  8. #48
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by MoSurveyor View Post
    I disagree - it's matter of honor and commitment. I don't keep secrets from my wife. Keeping it secret is adding insult to injury. It would be bad enough to make one mistake, keeping it secret would only compound it.
    If you don't keep secrets from your wife....then you would never find yourself in such a compromising situation. Even if you have an open marriage it still wouldn't be a secret.

    My point was...all of the guilt, shame, and remorse by the cheater shouldn't be directed at the person being cheated on. That type of confession is usually made by the guilty party to feel better about themselves. You know the old saying, "Confession is good for the soul". But that should never be done at the expense of causing harm to another person. The cheater needs to go to his or her priest, minister or the like...or even a non-biased person such a therapist.

    In the case described by the OP...that is a FEAR based situation...that indeed causes the cheater to sit on a potentially health threatening secret that could effect the person being cheated on...but not really very long, in the case described in the OP. In this case...its a matter of waiting for a test result...that could turn out negative...or good.

    If it turns out that the test might indicate that a STD was somehow involved that set off a virus...then its time to talk...as painful as it may be...and in all probability...it will end the marriage.

    Again...to engage in making a disclosure prior to the test results will more than likely be the end of the relationship regardless of the test results. It if doesn't end, it will "never" be the same.

    The only prevention for putting somebody at risk....don't engage in any behavior that would precipitate a risk in the first place.

  9. #49
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by Removable Mind View Post
    If you don't keep secrets from your wife....then you would never find yourself in such a compromising situation. Even if you have an open marriage it still wouldn't be a secret.
    No, I could see someone having a fight with the wife, going out and getting drunk, then ending up screwing some bar fly in the parking lot, taking their anger out in some kind of perverted act of revenge. In fact, a friend of mine did that many years ago. And, no, he didn't tell as far as I know but that was on him.
    Mt. Rushmore: Three surveyors and some other guy.
    Life goes on within you and without you. -Harrison
    Hear the echoes of the centuries, Power isn't all that money buys. -Peart
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  10. #50
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    Re: For men only

    Quote Originally Posted by MoSurveyor View Post
    No, I could see someone having a fight with the wife, going out and getting drunk, then ending up screwing some bar fly in the parking lot, taking their anger out in some kind of perverted act of revenge. In fact, a friend of mine did that many years ago. And, no, he didn't tell as far as I know but that was on him.
    Now this a situation I disagree with. A couple having difficult times...the last thing either needs to do...even in the heat of an argument...head to a bar and then do something really, really, really stupid.

    That is an avoidable way of dealing with anger.

    That behavior is just not acceptable...regardless. If couples can't get along...get help...or end the relationship. But drinking or cheating at problems at home... never end up good.

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