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Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Should people wait until marriage to have children?

  • Yes

    Votes: 55 77.5%

  • No

    Votes: 3 4.2%

  • I don't know

    Votes: 2 2.8%

  • I don't care

    Votes: 11 15.5%
  • Total voters
    71
I think people should live together before they get married and have kids to test the waters. That would be the smart thing to do IMO.
 
ChrisL said:
Children can sense and they know when their parents don't get along and when their parents are unhappy. When the parents are unhappy, that, in turn, makes the children unhappy. Some marriages split for GOOD reasons, such as abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, etc. Other times, they split up because they are not compatible and have irreconcilable differences.
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I agree, but people need to identify this unhappiness ASAP, especially before having kids.
 
ChrisL said:
I think people should live together before they get married and have kids to test the waters. That would be the smart thing to do IMO.
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Wait a second..."have kids to test the waters"? :confused:
 
ChrisL said:
Children can sense and they know when their parents don't get along and when their parents are unhappy. When the parents are unhappy, that, in turn, makes the children unhappy. Some marriages split for GOOD reasons, such as abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, etc. Other times, they split up because they are not compatible and have irreconcilable differences.
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Actual abuse where the offender lacks the ability or even the will to reform - I don't think you'll find many arguing that it's good for anyone to keep that habitat. That's why fairly conservative Christians such as myself volunteer (as I have done) at women's shelters. But the whole "oh we just don't get along - we are unhappy - we fight - we are incompatible - we have irreconcilable differences" schtick gets tossed around way to easily these days to accurately reflect reality. The focus on My Happiness and What Am I Getting Out Of This and How Am I Feeling is a destructive, self-centered approach that is the real death of these marriages, not the arguments.
 
ChrisL said:
Lots of religious people thought they would burn in hell if they got a divorce. Then all of the sudden, the church got a new revelation. :roll: Yes, God himself spoke and said that people CAN get a divorce now I guess.
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Nothing new whatsoever. The Church has always allowed for divorces in certain situations, and those remain in force. Scripture hasn't changed. Gods' view of marriage and divorce hasn't, either.


However, the point remains. Divorces in Protestant-dominated America are not driven by Catholic theological regulation.
 
Mathematician said:
I agree, but people need to identify this unhappiness ASAP, especially before having kids.
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Yeah, well unfortunately it doesn't always go that way. I was conceived BEFORE my parents got married, and my parents married at the "urging" of my grandfather (my mother's father).

Another interesting point is that when kids are raised in a home where the parents don't get along, a lot of times they will do just about ANYTHING to escape that situation. That can be just as unhealthy as the alternative.

I looked, but I couldn't find any statistics that compare the differences between children raised in homes with unhappy parents versus those raised in divorce or separation situations. That would be a more fair comparison IMO.
 
ChrisL said:
No living together BEFORE having kids to test the waters.
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Ahhh :doh

You have to admit that there is ambiguity in parsing that sentence :lamo
 
cpwill said:
Actual abuse where the offender lacks the ability or even the will to reform - I don't think you'll find many arguing that it's good for anyone to keep that habitat. That's why fairly conservative Christians such as myself volunteer (as I have done) at women's shelters. But the whole "oh we just don't get along - we are unhappy - we fight - we are incompatible - we have irreconcilable differences" schtick gets tossed around way to easily these days to accurately reflect reality. The focus on My Happiness and What Am I Getting Out Of This and How Am I Feeling is a destructive, self-centered approach that is the real death of these marriages, not the arguments.
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That's a load of bull. Some personality types just don't mix. Some people are destructive to one another BECAUSE they are together and shouldn't be.
 
Mathematician said:
Ahhh :doh

You have to admit that there is ambiguity in parsing that sentence :lamo
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Meh, I have to worry about proper sentence structure and grammar all day at work. I relax it a bit when I'm here and am a little more careless. :2razz:
 
ChrisL said:
That's true, and I'm aware of that. That's what I meant by fear. I don't see why we can't have common law marriage. You just prove that you've lived together for the required period of time.
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Don't you think it would be a lot easier just to pop in to the justice of the peace and get married? Not like it takes a long time or costs much.
 
ChuckBerry said:
Don't you think it would be a lot easier just to pop in to the justice of the peace and get married? Not like it takes a long time or costs much.
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Why? .
 
ChrisL said:
That's a load of bull. Some personality types just don't mix. Some people are destructive to one another BECAUSE they are together and shouldn't be.
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On the contrary, "Just Don't Mix" is an excuse given for "it is tough". Although I wholly agree that there are lots of people who are destructive to each other. It is simply that the correct choice for that is to work on not being destructive to each other, but rather to choose to serve each other.
 
I think that people who want to have kids should be in a stable, committed, permanent relationship. That usually means marriage, though it doesn't have to.
 
 
cpwill said:
On the contrary, "Just Don't Mix" is an excuse given for "it is tough". Although I wholly agree that there are lots of people who are destructive to each other. It is simply that the correct choice for that is to work on not being destructive to each other, but rather to choose to serve each other.
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Again, the better you fit initially the fewer sacrifices you each have to make. When neither has to sacrifice then both are happy.
 
Marriage isnt an emd all be all anymore. They end in aeperation, divorce, or volatile homes. Its a piece of paper. Being together and having gone through some struggles and good times together before kids seems much more effective. Plus I cant say Im the same person I was at 14 or even 20. People change) in 5-10 years and if your spouse doesnt change alomg with you or you grow apart with kids present and stay together, its a far worse scenario than divorce.
 
cpwill said:
On the contrary, "Just Don't Mix" is an excuse given for "it is tough". Although I wholly agree that there are lots of people who are destructive to each other. It is simply that the correct choice for that is to work on not being destructive to each other, but rather to choose to serve each other.
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No. "Just don't mix" in most cases means "just can't stand" or even "hate." You just assume that people are mentally healthy and well adjusted, easily able to work through their problems. That is nothing but a fantasy.
 
MaggieD said:
Just interesting discussion. Illegitimate child. Poor lil' critter. Where'd we get THAT name?? Ha!
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It beats "bastard," which was once a commonplace invested with much scorn. Now there's a disconnect, and it's just a swear word.

The lyrics here now seem so quaint:

 
l am aware of the importance of a happy childhood and believe the family institution plays the most important role in a society and its improvement . a child needs both a father and a mother and marriage is not a game which you can play whenever you want .people should pay attention to whom they will marry and know what kind of things they hope to get from a marriage before making a decision .l havent married but can guess marriage needs devotion .
 
People should decide for themselves whether or not marriage is good for them or not. It's really not anyone else's business except for the two involved. Many people just can't work out their differences, and who is to say that is because they are "selfish" or what the reason. That is just arrogant.

And IMO "staying together for the kids" can have just as many destructive results as divorce.
 
ChrisL said:
Interesting story. When I was born the Catholic church refused to baptize me because my parents weren't married when I was conceived, so my mother (who was brought up Catholic ALL the way) took me over to the Protestant church and had me baptized as Protestant. My parents DID get married before I was born though.
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A priest will NOT refuse baptism for merely being conceived out of wedlock. A priest will refuse baptism if he has valid reason to believe that the child will not be raised as a Catholic. The fact that your parents then went to a Protestant church for the baptism indicates to me that the priests refusal was well founded.
 
Voltaire X said:
I'm fine with premarital casual sex and whatnot, but birth control should be used.

Do you know what the poverty rate in the US is for families that wait until marriage to have children and stay married? 2%.

The poverty rate for the general population is 13%, more than six times as high. Plus, children that grow up in single parent households are much more likely to end up involved in criminal activity.

I look down on people that have children outside of marriage. They are hurting their children, their families, themselves, and their country.

Also I'm an atheist so religion has nothing to do with why I believe this.
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I don't know how it happens in America..but here..if you are not married...and you separate...you are a week-end dad..if you are lucky!!
 
ChuckBerry said:
A priest will NOT refuse baptism for merely being conceived out of wedlock. A priest will refuse baptism if he has valid reason to believe that the child will not be raised as a Catholic. The fact that your parents then went to a Protestant church for the baptism indicates to me that the priests refusal was well founded.
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Oh, that's a good reason for denying an innocent baby the chance to be cleansed of original sin. What a bunch of effing hypocrites!
 
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