View Poll Results: I cheat because ...

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  • ... because I am just a multiperson person.

    0 0%
  • ... because my partner pushes me into it (constructive dismissal).

    0 0%
  • ... because of strategic reasons.

    0 0%
  • ... other.

    6 100.00%
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Thread: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

  1. #81
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    I cheat because maths is hard.
    So follow me into the desert
    As desperate as you are
    Where the moon is glued to a picture of heaven
    And all the little pigs have God

  2. #82
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    ...the first time they punch you somewhere other than the arm..., walk.
    You mean without consent, right?

  3. #83
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Hey ab, did the girl who stabbed you get charged?

  4. #84
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by joko104 View Post
    Thank you for that. But it impossible for us to find the full story and there are abstractions in there - as in evasiveness. Specifically:

    "That time I was told a few times that I was wrong to blatently and openly enter into every relationship like it is just a game. So, I decided to experiment with my then GF to build a relationship on a cooperative basis, where we both define each-other's identities. She was very enthusiastic about this, and we went ahead with it. (And she did define my identity, although I don't think I defined any of hers.)"

    There are many topics my wife literally can not think or talk about. A unique nature she's had her whole life. So I have to do A LOT of reading between the lines - and I do get it wrong some times - badly - but reading between the lines on abstractions is what I have to do.

    THIS: experiment with my then GF to build a relationship on a cooperative basis, where we both define each-other's identities.

    It sounds like partner swapping, swinging, 3-some or something else sexual. If so, that really factors into it and might have something to do with her getting all pissed off at you and stabbing you in combination with you trying get her off of pills.

    Your logic doesn't work. You didn't get stabbed again because you left her - or she left you - not because you screwed someone else. I mean, really.

    But thank you for sharing, really. We aren't perfect people. Ideally we not only learn by out experiences, but also others. However, of our experiences we should examine them not just from our own inner eye, but as a remote 3rd eye looking in. Since you opt not to explain your abstractions, it sounds like you took some relationship gamble for whatever reasons and it blew up on you.

    Which leads to another comment/advise. MOST people usually don't always mean what they say, particularly if YOU make the suggestion and the other person says "OK." That doesn't mean the person really agrees and in the end it doesn't work out.

    A common example is a man proposing a 3-some OR spouse swapping, and the wife says "ok" - but its not REALLY ok. And then its going to go badly from there. Not saying that's what happened, but your statement of "I decided to experiment with my then GF" sets off alarims, because of the "I decided" - rather than "we decided."

    I see no reason to be judgmental about anything you wrote, BTW. You weren't married nor does it sound marriage-like. Depending what it was and assuming "consent," "experimenting" is usually ok. I dunno. Maybe it was surprise anal sex or some other sexual thing or even gender orientation thing - and she didn't care for it. I don't think it matters. Once you were retaliatory screwing someone else and she was stabbing you it was pretty much over.
    Well, I was not going to write, but I must say this, you got it all wrong. I have never been interested in 3-somes or partner-swapping or any of that stuff. I don't even know really what they are or how they work. I wrote "I" decided and not "she", because I was the one who had had the "game" idea instead of the "cooperation" idea of relationships, and I was the one who needed to change, not she. She simply (enthusiastically) agreed that we would be going beyong the game part. I think I was not quick enough to drop my game face, but however critical I must be against myself, her new addiction was the stronger force than my poor gamely communication skills. ... Yes I am totally at fault, but I just don't want to be at fault for misunderstood reasons.

  5. #85
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    Hey ab, did the girl who stabbed you get charged?
    No, I specifically asked not to file charges.

  6. #86
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by spanky View Post
    Well, I'm guessing the word "stabbed" was a euphemism.
    No, good old fashioned kitchen knife.

  7. #87
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    ab, I hope I'm not prying, but you say you're only 16, so how old was the girl who stabbed you? How old were you when that happened?
    She was 18, yes older than I, but I don't care about it, it was really great while it lasted.
    (And I absolutely appreciate her time that she invested in our realationship those days.)

  8. #88
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    Not to offend you or anything, ab9924, but I think you should know that there is no such word as "encheatering" for future reference.
    Oops, ... maybe, can I add it to the dictionary then?

  9. #89
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by joko104 View Post
    For a 16 year old he seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulder in terms of thinking things out and pondering of it. A lot of people just stumble along their whole life and I know at 16 I was a messed up mass of confusions, contradictions and little clue about anything.
    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    You think? I thought he seemed almost younger than 16. He does have a good vocabulary and knows some things that your average 16-year-old generally would not know, yet seems immature IMO. I have other theories too.
    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisL View Post
    I can't help but wonder if we are being messed with big time.
    What's wrong with you, Americans?
    (And I thought I was an American too.)

  10. #90
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Well, I was not going to write, but I must say this, you got it all wrong. I have never been interested in 3-somes or partner-swapping or any of that stuff. I don't even know really what they are or how they work. I wrote "I" decided and not "she", because I was the one who had had the "game" idea instead of the "cooperation" idea of relationships, and I was the one who needed to change, not she. She simply (enthusiastically) agreed that we would be going beyong the game part. I think I was not quick enough to drop my game face, but however critical I must be against myself, her new addiction was the stronger force than my poor gamely communication skills. ... Yes I am totally at fault, but I just don't want to be at fault for misunderstood reasons.

    I didn't realize you were your age when I wrote what I did. Don't over judge yourself. Additions can overwhelm everything else and be fully outside your control or influence. Don't brain fever over it. Just learn what you can, forget what makes no sense, and move on.

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