View Poll Results: I cheat because ...

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  • ... because I am just a multiperson person.

    0 0%
  • ... because my partner pushes me into it (constructive dismissal).

    0 0%
  • ... because of strategic reasons.

    0 0%
  • ... other.

    6 100.00%
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Thread: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

  1. #61
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    Or maybe they're just a selfish beyotch.
    Everyone is selfish. It's impossible for a human to make a decision that isn't inherently selfish.

    The only difference is how society views the act.

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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    Exactly. Never let it get to the point of being stabbed; the first time they punch you somewhere other than the arm, or threaten you with a weapon, walk.
    Unfreakin' believable. I whole thread to show that the OPer maybe a gutless wonder.

    Edit: This reminds me of a conversation I had with my nephew. I asked how his girlfriend was doing. He said, "Oh, we broke up." Being a woman, I asked, "OMG, what happened?" He said, "Well, I had to break up with her." "OMG, I said," pressing, "what on earth happened?" "She got engaged to another guy."

    WTF?
    Last edited by MaggieD; 11-14-12 at 09:09 PM.
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  3. #63
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    Exactly. Never let it get to the point of being stabbed; the first time they punch you somewhere other than the arm, or threaten you with a weapon, walk.
    Well, I'm guessing the word "stabbed" was a euphemism.

  4. #64
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by spanky View Post
    Everyone is selfish. It's impossible for a human to make a decision that isn't inherently selfish.

    The only difference is how society views the act.

    Yeah, I hear people say that. I don't buy it. You can claim "oh, they did this seemingly selfless thing to make themselves feel good..."

    Maybe, maybe not. I've known a lot of "givers", and a lot of "takers"... and I don't buy this "everything is selfish" philosophy.

    People sacrifice their lives out of sense of duty... so feeling good for the last painful 30 seconds of your existence is justification for "selfishly" sacrificing your life? Nah.



    Quote Originally Posted by spanky View Post
    Well, I'm guessing the word "stabbed" was a euphemism.
    Maybe, but I don't know why you'd assume it was so... lots of peeps (especially addicts) have done as bad or worse.

    I'm guessing she didn't stick a 12" butcher knife between his ribs full-length or he prolly wouldn't be here, but 1/2" of blade in the hand is still "stabbed".

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  5. #65
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieD View Post
    Unfreakin' believable. I whole thread to show that the OPer maybe a gutless wonder.

    Edit: This reminds me of a conversation I had with my nephew. I asked how his girlfriend was doing. He said, "Oh, we broke up." Being a woman, I asked, "OMG, what happened?" He said, "Well, I had to break up with her." "OMG, I said," pressing, "what on earth happened?" "She got engaged to another guy."

    WTF?

    Well, the OP is certainly a "bird of a different feather", and exhibits some mighty exotic plumage....

    Fiddling While Rome Burns
    ISIS: Carthago Delenda Est
    "I used to roll the dice; see the fear in my enemies' eyes... listen as the crowd would sing, 'now the old king is dead, Long Live the King.'.."

  6. #66
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Well, I didn't want to make this thread be linked to that, but my story is here on DebatePolitics, about a year ago (a little less). Here is the abstract. That time I was told a few times that I was wrong to blatently and openly enter into every relationship like it is just a game. So, I decided to experiment with my then GF to build a relationship on a cooperative basis, where we both define each-other's identities. She was very enthusiastic about this, and we went ahead with it. (And she did define my identity, although I don't think I defined any of hers.) Then she needed an operation which lead to pain killers which lead to addiction, and at the end she did many things against me that I don't want to write any more, she destructively drove me in her hope that I would stop trying to get her off the pills. After she stabbed me I cheated on her, and soon after that the relationship ended. If I had not cheated on her, I would be stabbed many more times up till today. I wrote these things on my thread then, but I don't want to link it here, you can find it if you want to.
    Thank you for that. But it impossible for us to find the full story and there are abstractions in there - as in evasiveness. Specifically:

    "That time I was told a few times that I was wrong to blatently and openly enter into every relationship like it is just a game. So, I decided to experiment with my then GF to build a relationship on a cooperative basis, where we both define each-other's identities. She was very enthusiastic about this, and we went ahead with it. (And she did define my identity, although I don't think I defined any of hers.)"

    There are many topics my wife literally can not think or talk about. A unique nature she's had her whole life. So I have to do A LOT of reading between the lines - and I do get it wrong some times - badly - but reading between the lines on abstractions is what I have to do.

    THIS: experiment with my then GF to build a relationship on a cooperative basis, where we both define each-other's identities.

    It sounds like partner swapping, swinging, 3-some or something else sexual. If so, that really factors into it and might have something to do with her getting all pissed off at you and stabbing you in combination with you trying get her off of pills.

    Your logic doesn't work. You didn't get stabbed again because you left her - or she left you - not because you screwed someone else. I mean, really.

    But thank you for sharing, really. We aren't perfect people. Ideally we not only learn by out experiences, but also others. However, of our experiences we should examine them not just from our own inner eye, but as a remote 3rd eye looking in. Since you opt not to explain your abstractions, it sounds like you took some relationship gamble for whatever reasons and it blew up on you.

    Which leads to another comment/advise. MOST people usually don't always mean what they say, particularly if YOU make the suggestion and the other person says "OK." That doesn't mean the person really agrees and in the end it doesn't work out.

    A common example is a man proposing a 3-some OR spouse swapping, and the wife says "ok" - but its not REALLY ok. And then its going to go badly from there. Not saying that's what happened, but your statement of "I decided to experiment with my then GF" sets off alarims, because of the "I decided" - rather than "we decided."

    I see no reason to be judgmental about anything you wrote, BTW. You weren't married nor does it sound marriage-like. Depending what it was and assuming "consent," "experimenting" is usually ok. I dunno. Maybe it was surprise anal sex or some other sexual thing or even gender orientation thing - and she didn't care for it. I don't think it matters. Once you were retaliatory screwing someone else and she was stabbing you it was pretty much over.
    Last edited by joko104; 11-14-12 at 09:23 PM.

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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.
    Not to offend you or anything, ab9924, but I think you should know that there is no such word as "encheatering" for future reference.

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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    Yeah, I hear people say that. I don't buy it. You can claim "oh, they did this seemingly selfless thing to make themselves feel good..."

    Maybe, maybe not. I've known a lot of "givers", and a lot of "takers"... and I don't buy this "everything is selfish" philosophy.

    People sacrifice their lives out of sense of duty... so feeling good for the last painful 30 seconds of your existence is justification for "selfishly" sacrificing your life? Nah.






    Maybe, but I don't know why you'd assume it was so... lots of peeps (especially addicts) have done as bad or worse.

    I'm guessing she didn't stick a 12" butcher knife between his ribs full-length or he prolly wouldn't be here, but 1/2" of blade in the hand is still "stabbed".
    Because what they personally derive out of their devotion to duty is stronger then what they get from self preservation or material gain.

    Society dictates what is selfish and what is selfless, many times after the fact. And those that call it a selfless act are usually the people who benefited from it.

  9. #69
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieD View Post
    Unfreakin' believable. I whole thread to show that the OPer maybe a gutless wonder.

    Edit: This reminds me of a conversation I had with my nephew. I asked how his girlfriend was doing. He said, "Oh, we broke up." Being a woman, I asked, "OMG, what happened?" He said, "Well, I had to break up with her." "OMG, I said," pressing, "what on earth happened?" "She got engaged to another guy."

    WTF?
    Don't worry, I read through the whole thread because of the phrase 'constructive encheatering', only to find there is no such word as 'encheatering'. That's ten minutes of my life (including Googling 'encheatering') I will never get back.
    I hate the idea of causes, and if I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country. E.M. Forster

  10. #70
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by spanky View Post
    Because what they personally derive out of their devotion to duty is stronger then their devotion to self preservation or gain.

    Society dictates what is selfish and what is selfless, many times after the fact. And those that call it a selfless act are usually the people who benefited from it.

    This has been hashed and re-hashed on DP more than once, and I don't want to derail the thread here.

    Suffice it to say I don't entirely agree with the assertion that all human decisions are based in Randian selfishness and leave it at that.

    Fiddling While Rome Burns
    ISIS: Carthago Delenda Est
    "I used to roll the dice; see the fear in my enemies' eyes... listen as the crowd would sing, 'now the old king is dead, Long Live the King.'.."

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