View Poll Results: I cheat because ...

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  • ... because I am just a multiperson person.

    0 0%
  • ... because my partner pushes me into it (constructive dismissal).

    0 0%
  • ... because of strategic reasons.

    0 0%
  • ... other.

    6 100.00%
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Thread: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

  1. #31
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    So, don't you know your BF/husband well enough to know what exactly drives him up the wall? If yes, then you could construct a plan to start doing it just slowly, little-by-little ... so nothing will ever explode but he will end up doing all the worst and dispised unethical things before he even knows it. I don't want to do this to anyone, and I don't want to receive this from anyone, BUT this is easy to do, and I bet half of people do it all over the world, just for the heck of it if not more. Isn't my guess close enough?
    No, I don't think people do it deliberately. People tend to take for granted what they have - the chase is better than the having. The neglect, abuse and belitttling probably rarely is to deliberately harm the relationship. Rather, it is the respect, love and admiration is gone - just assuming the other person will take it. I believe marriage fail because after marriage the courtship stops.

  2. #32
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    Stupid are the depths of the rationalizing. Nobody can force you to cheat. Try again.
    If you can prove your thesis here, then you deserve a Nobel prise.

  3. #33
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    If you can prove your thesis here, then you deserve a Nobel prise.
    You're the one claiming that someone can be forced to cheat. You need to produce evidence. So, show us that anyone can *FORCE* another person to cheat, entirely against their will and without their conscious participation.

    Go ahead.
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

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  4. #34
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Dumping may be a LOT harder on both than a little cheating, many times, I risk to say.
    Leaving someone because you no longer love them is honest. Cheating because you don't have the balls to do the right thing is cowardly and disgraceful.
    I love the NSA. It's like having a secret fan-base you will never see, but they're there, watching everything you write and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that I may be some person's only form of unconstitutional entertainment one night.

  5. #35
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Hey! Everyone needs to lighten up our young OPer.

    Statistically, over 50% of marriages experience "cheating," and divorce and break-ups are the new society common thing, if not even nearly the norm. And people tend to only count relationships with marriage licenses or cohabitation, not cheating otherwise in relationships. I mean, look our generals now? Cheating is very, very common now.

    Sure, all of US are perfect, because DP is a place of perfect people of course, but he raises valid questions and, candidly, I don't think that the cheater is always satan's demon and the one cheated on was Ms/Mr perfection. Cheating often is at the tail end of a bad relationship where neither have yet called it off. Plus there are SO many things that "cheating" may involve it is actually fairly complex and diverse a topic.

    I don't read his messages as trying to find excuses to cheat. Rather, he is exploring why people do.

  6. #36
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by joko104 View Post
    Sure, all of US are perfect
    I'm far from perfect, I just don't cheat, and I don't respect people who do.
    I love the NSA. It's like having a secret fan-base you will never see, but they're there, watching everything you write and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that I may be some person's only form of unconstitutional entertainment one night.

  7. #37
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieD View Post
    No, I don't think your guess is close enough. I think a woman can drive a man to distraction -- and sometimes lousy wives do this on purpose. I know a woman can drive a man to the point where he hits her -- because she wants him to hit her.**

    I don't know any situation personally where a cheating spouse was driven to it by their partner, though. The ones I've known who cheated were complete assholes. I think it's a very convenient excuse.

    **Please! Leave me alone! Ya'll know that's true.
    Okay, so let me present here probably the most common cheating scenario in the world. A couple married, then after having a child or two, the wife gained a ton of weight (biology?) and now wouldn't care to undo it by working it off or dieting it off. This is extremely unfair on the wife, even before going into the marriage/cheating question, but ... . Now, the husband is trying to adapt to the "new" wife, but like with every adaptation, there is a failure rate. So, as a result, some men fail emotionally, sending the marriage to instability, some men fail physically, sending the marriage into cheat. How high a % sould we call asshole-ishness, and how high a % should we call normal? Is it reasonable to call a 50+% ubnormal/assholish, or 40+%, or 30+%? (The national divorce rate is 50 %.)

  8. #38
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Surtr View Post
    Leaving someone because you no longer love them is honest. Cheating because you don't have the balls to do the right thing is cowardly and disgraceful.

    I think you over simplify. Relationships are just too diverse. One interesting aspect around her is the seniors and their relationships. Some in marriages for decades. It is NOT rare at all for one or both to fool around on each other. Very common. They both "hide it" from each other, yet both actually know, just don't know details. Yet in all ways their marriages are still intact and if that 3rd-wheel tries to mess with that marriage BOTH go ballistic at that 3rd wheel in the sense of stay the hell out of their marriage, ie fun and play time away from home is nothing more than that.

    Are they "cheating?" Yes. And no. Its their marriage, their relationship, and they have the evolving rules and what it means.

    It really isn't rare that one, the other, or both find "playmates" when traveling, away or for time away with the boys or girls - when actually it is just going out to play around - away from each other for a while. Right. Wrong. Their say. Not an "open" marriage exactly, and both always would adamently deny it if it ever came up to each other - because they are supposed to do that.

    I think this is a vast topic that some are too over-simplifying around a value, rather than all the almost infinite variable.

  9. #39
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    You're the one claiming that someone can be forced to cheat. You need to produce evidence. So, show us that anyone can *FORCE* another person to cheat, entirely against their will and without their conscious participation.

    Go ahead.
    Some of my previous posts and examples in this thread have proven this a few times over. Now it is your turn.

  10. #40
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Surtr View Post
    Leaving someone because you no longer love them is honest. Cheating because you don't have the balls to do the right thing is cowardly and disgraceful.
    Absolutely yes, cowardly and disgraceful is the world (... most of it).
    (I have learnt this recently.)

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