View Poll Results: I cheat because ...

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  • ... because I am just a multiperson person.

    0 0%
  • ... because my partner pushes me into it (constructive dismissal).

    0 0%
  • ... because of strategic reasons.

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  • ... other.

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Thread: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

  1. #21
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Yes they can. Mysterious are the depths of the heart.
    Your "Yes they can" makes as much sense as your last sentence.

    "My partner made me do it." Give.me.a.break.
    The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."

  2. #22
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Yes they can. Mysterious are the depths of the heart.
    Reality calling... You are responsible for your own actions. Don't be a psycho.

  3. #23
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    There may be all sorts of reasons. I do know a few men who had secret "flings" but still in their marriages and generally there were two reasons:

    1. A midlife or later life crisis thing where there was opportunity to have a young one - falling for the ego seduction. They tend to feel stupid after doing so.
    2. He cannot get the kind of sex he wants at home, and that always meant no oral sex in situations I was told.

    They don't teach how to have good sex in school or anywhere else. Many couples can't really talk about it either - maybe afraid to be embarrassed. A prudish spouse or just unable to fulfill the other person is an ego and emotional blow to both of them.

    That doesn't make any cheat of course. But there are many causes that communication and effort could avoid. And some marriages/relationships are probably doomed from the start for that reason too.

  4. #24
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Yes they can. Mysterious are the depths of the heart.
    Stupid are the depths of the rationalizing. Nobody can force you to cheat. Try again.
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

    Blog me! YouTube me! VidMe me!

  5. #25
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    If I remember correctly, our OPer is young, so probably is looking at it more from a BF/GF or theoretical marriage viewpoint, rather than married, house, mortgage, kids, cars, bills and being entirely entangled with each other. Then "cheating" is a BIG DEAL because so much is at stake and it is a betrayal against the entire package and so much of one's self invested in it.

    Thus you could get the sense of "after all I did and sacrificed for you, all we did and had, and you jumped into bed with your young secretary!?"

  6. #26
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    Stupid are the depths of the rationalizing. Nobody can force you to cheat. Try again.
    Ha! Noooow, I get it.
    The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."

  7. #27
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by joko104 View Post
    If I remember correctly, our OPer is young, so probably is looking at it more from a BF/GF or theoretical marriage viewpoint, rather than married, house, mortgage, kids, cars, bills and being entirely entangled with each other. Then "cheating" is a BIG DEAL because so much is at stake and it is a betrayal against the entire package and so much of one's self invested in it.

    Thus you could get the sense of "after all I did and sacrificed for you, all we did and had, and you jumped into bed with your young secretary!?"
    To be honest, it comes off as someone immature just wanting to stick his dick in something and not feel responsible for his actions. It's her fault!
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

    Blog me! YouTube me! VidMe me!

  8. #28
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieD View Post
    Your "Yes they can" makes as much sense as your last sentence.

    "My partner made me do it." Give.me.a.break.
    So, don't you know your BF/husband well enough to know what exactly drives him up the wall? If yes, then you could construct a plan to start doing it just slowly, little-by-little ... so nothing will ever explode but he will end up doing all the worst and dispised unethical things before he even knows it. I don't want to do this to anyone, and I don't want to receive this from anyone, BUT this is easy to do, and I bet half of people do it all over the world, just for the heck of it if not more. Isn't my guess close enough?

  9. #29
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ecofarm View Post
    Reality calling... You are responsible for your own actions. Don't be a psycho.
    Isn't the word psycho relative? A well "trained" anyone can make a psycho out of you if knows enough about you, such as a spouse, right?

  10. #30
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    So, don't you know your BF/husband well enough to know what exactly drives him up the wall? If yes, then you could construct a plan to start doing it just slowly, little-by-little ... so nothing will ever explode but he will end up doing all the worst and dispised unethical things before he even knows it. I don't want to do this to anyone, and I don't want to receive this from anyone, BUT this is easy to do, and I bet half of people do it all over the world, just for the heck of it if not more. Isn't my guess close enough?
    No, I don't think your guess is close enough. I think a woman can drive a man to distraction -- and sometimes lousy wives do this on purpose. I know a woman can drive a man to the point where he hits her -- because she wants him to hit her.**

    I don't know any situation personally where a cheating spouse was driven to it by their partner, though. The ones I've known who cheated were complete assholes. I think it's a very convenient excuse.

    **Please! Leave me alone! Ya'll know that's true.
    The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."

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