View Poll Results: I cheat because ...

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  • ... because I am just a multiperson person.

    0 0%
  • ... because my partner pushes me into it (constructive dismissal).

    0 0%
  • ... because of strategic reasons.

    0 0%
  • ... other.

    6 100.00%
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Thread: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

  1. #11
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Voltaire X View Post
    I hate cheaters. Thankfully we have 2nd amendment remedies for them these days.
    Very interesting, I heard that one of the 19th century US president shot his wife's lover (and his wife?), and was never prosecuted, because the standing law was that if you already broke the 10 commandments at the adultery item, then none of it should protect you, so murder becomes okay. VERY logical. Why is this overruled in the 21st century? Wouldn't plenty of wives and even some husbands be greatly in need to use their guns in this fashion?

  2. #12
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Surtr View Post
    None of the above, and nobody pushes anyone into cheating. If you don't want to be with the woman, dump her. It's as simple as that, but apparently, that's too complicated for people these days.
    Dumping may be a LOT harder on both than a little cheating, many times, I risk to say.

  3. #13
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.

    Hm. You mean like if your wife/GF cuts you off? Or seems to go out of her way to emotionally alienate you.


    Yeah, that does happen. Often it is done BECAUSE the manipulating person is cheating and wants to push you away, or force you to cheat too so you share their guilt. I've seen it done... and I think it is usually not a conscious thing, unless it is someone wanting an excuse to divorce and hoping a reason will help them get more in the split maybe.

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  4. #14
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by muciti View Post
    what do you mean by strategic reasons?
    For example: "husband, you started slapping me around, but I still love you, only I need a little part time break", or "wife, you don't only give me nagging nonstop but decided to get fat to beat me with too", and many other constructive acts designed to purposely hurt you at the love front.

  5. #15
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.
    So......they try to seduce you when you're in a relationship, you succumb, they tell the person you have been dating that you cheated.....well....if you keep your damned fly zipped none of that would be a problem.

    Now, that being said, if you're a serious player then none of that matters and if your game is good enough you'll get your three way. If you're rock solid then you should also be able to parlay that into going totally live.

  6. #16
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Other than "none" or "other," the list of the poll is a pretty good one.

    I never had a "relationship" prior to my wife and she never so much as had a BF. I'm not sure "cheating" as the OP means it exactly applies to our relationship/marriage, but I cannot imagine my ever cheating on or betraying her in any way under any circumstance. Nor do I ever think there would be any reason to. If I ever wanted someone else I would talk it over with her, and visa versa.

    Cheating would seem to involve lying and deception in relation to sex (I assume that is what the OP means by "cheating") or otherwise secretly establishing a relationship with someone else. We both began from the first first talk we ever had with perfect candor about each ourselves - I at least never thinking a relationship or anything else even a prospect with her. That level of truthfulness just became how our relationship and then marriage works. Sex is a definite part of this, but we had moved across country together and owned a house together before marriage or sex. It wasn't that we had become perfect friends as much as extreme curious infatuation with how different we were from each other - yet some oddities about us both that seemed to make the exactly wrong couple exactly right.

    I don't know how to put it but sex just for sex maybe is a big deal to people, but isn't to me. Sex just for sex is cheap, easy and even came to not be worth the effort. That's maybe why I don't understand "cheating" on a sexual level. "Emotional cheating" on someone - meaning you are still pretending to be something your are not to your spouse/BF/GFr is something else and that's rotten in my opinion.

  7. #17
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.
    Seriously, that sounds like rationalizing BS. Nobody can force you to cheat.
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  8. #18
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Not relative to my situation, but I can see circumstances where someone would want to find the replacement first - like finding a new job before quitting the old one. One such reason could be economic. I'm not advocating or justifying anything, but I could see a woman with children and an economic and maybe alcoholic/druggie lazyass loser husband grabbing onto a man who seems solid and financially secure - but not leaving the one home until locking down a superior replacement.

  9. #19
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    Seriously, that sounds like rationalizing BS. Nobody can force you to cheat.
    He could have worded that better. I think a better way to put it is if a spouse/significant other is grinding the other into the dirt in belittlement, abuse and neglect, that person may seek "love" and kind words elsewhere. If it becomes sexless or bad boring sex, maybe then can only find "passionate love" elsewhere. While it didn't FORCE cheating, in a way it can force the other person to find what they need and no longer have at home/with the other.

    Ideally and rightly, the person would call it off first, but calling it off when there is a house, kids, married financially at the hip etc that isn't maybe always as simple as it sounds.

  10. #20
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    Seriously, that sounds like rationalizing BS. Nobody can force you to cheat.
    Yes they can. Mysterious are the depths of the heart.

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