View Poll Results: Should a parent choose the kid's GF/BF/wife/husband?

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  • Yes, if the parent is worth something and the kid too, then prove this to the kid, with this.

    0 0%
  • No, kids do whatever, befause everyone is of worth (to self only).

    11 73.33%
  • Other.

    4 26.67%
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Thread: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

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    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    From the other threads, it became obvious that parents want their children to be ... successful, profitable, respected, achieving, to be proud of, and so on, ... except one thing: valuable/worth.

    It is our families that formulate what we are and how much we are worth to others. So, the question is, why do the parents abandone their children after they formulated their children for themselves?

    Shouldn't parents take a pass/fail exam like kids do? For example, how about a parent doing what all parents used to do, that is to formulate the child to be of WORTH to someone, and then verify their parenting by asking another family if their child is WORTH to join that child?

    Parents don't care about their children, they only pretend that they care, otherwise they would put their own worth on the line to find the 1st serious GF/BF or wife/husband. If that works, at least parents would know that their lives were worth something too. But no parent does this any more, because they know that they themselves are worthless.

    So what's your take? Should you test your own worth by proving that your kid is worth to someone who is of worth to your kid too, or don't bother?
    Last edited by ab9924; 11-12-12 at 01:54 PM.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    "Shouldn't parents take a pass/fail exam like kids do?"

    "Parents don't care about their children, they only pretend that they care"

    "But no parent does this any more, because they know that they themselves are worthless. "

    The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?-get-facebook-she-done-went-full-retard_cb21c5_3526177-jpg

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    No they should not unless the person is a criminal or something. My daughter is of dating age. She has a pretty good head on her shoulders. She knows a slimeball from a good person. If a relationship of hers ever got serious I know she would come and tell us and talk to us about it. She is not normally very traditional but she would also probably seek our approval. Which by that time we would have already shown her whether we approve or not.

    If we did not I think she would at least consider any objections we have and if she found them wanting she would probably go ahead with it anyhow. Like I said its a tradition in my family not a requirement.
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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    The answer is in the middle and depends on age. The younger the son/daughter is, the more the parents should and are capable of influence (and possibly veto).

    We did that in a round about way to someone she thought ok for a friend, but not for a relationship, which the other person was hounding her about increasingly, with it evolving to stalking and harassment. She didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings though so kept just going along and avoiding it all. So we decided time she learn a bit more about becoming an adult, including sometimes you have to completely severe with someone. We intervened on both ends, forbidding her from any contact and then went straight to the other kids parents for their kid to not make any contact - no more phone calls, twitters, emails, searching her out, just coming over all the time anymore - total severance. One parent received it well and the other didn't, in part for the insult and part because she really liked our daughter.

    It became a huge burden lifted off our daughter, who learned sometimes you should just totally severe with someone if they are becoming too much a drag, harassing or annoying. She came to appreciate what we had done - and had learned a valuable lesson in life too. However, she was high school age. Now that she's off to college the decisions ultimately all hers, but she also is in a relationship that we both find acceptable (though not our say).

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfman24 View Post
    No they should not unless the person is a criminal or something. My daughter is of dating age. She has a pretty good head on her shoulders. She knows a slimeball from a good person. If a relationship of hers ever got serious I know she would come and tell us and talk to us about it. She is not normally very traditional but she would also probably seek our approval. Which by that time we would have already shown her whether we approve or not.

    If we did not I think she would at least consider any objections we have and if she found them wanting she would probably go ahead with it anyhow. Like I said its a tradition in my family not a requirement.
    If she asked your opinion by all means give it. Don't just take a whatever she thinks attitude nor either oppose NOR support the relationship until you are sure where you stand on it. Unqualified acceptance could be seen as you favoring the relationship, which actually might not be a good one.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    No, I decide who I go out with, and who I want to marry, period. It's that simple, besides, my parents wouldn't even pick the right gender for me
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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by joko104 View Post
    If she asked your opinion by all means give it. Don't just take a whatever she thinks attitude nor either oppose NOR support the relationship until you are sure where you stand on it. Unqualified acceptance could be seen as you favoring the relationship, which actually might not be a good one.
    Where did I say this? You apparently have put your own spin on what I posted. Look at the last two paragraphs and maybe you will get an idea of what my views are.

    I really hate it when people pick and choose what parts of a persons post they are going to respond to. They usually end up missing the mark by a mile.
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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    From the other threads, it became obvious that parents want their children to be ... successful, profitable, respected, achieving, to be proud of, and so on, ... except one thing: valuable/worth.

    It is our families that formulate what we are and how much we are worth to others. So, the question is, why do the parents abandonetheir children after they formulated their children for themselves?

    Shouldn't parents take a pass/fail exam like kids do? For example, how about a parent doing what all parents used to do, that is to formulate the child to be of WORTH to someone, and then verify their parenting by asking another family if their child is WORTH to join that child?

    Parents don't care about their children,
    they only pretend that they care, otherwise they would put their own worth on the line to find the 1st serious GF/BF or wife/husband. If that works, at least parents would know that their lives were worth something too. But no parent does this any more, because they know that they themselves are worthless.

    So what's your take? Should you test your own worth by proving that your kid is worth to someone who is of worth to your kid too, or don't bother?
    Are you saying parents have a responsibility to find a mate for their child or the don't care?

    1. I would never have allowed my parents to find and then force someone on me.
    2. My kids would never have allowed my interference on their behalf.

    What is important to anyone in a life partner can only be determined by that person.

    Do you want your parents to find someone for you? Is that what's behind this post.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    Are you saying parents have a responsibility to find a mate for their child or the don't care?

    1. I would never have allowed my parents to find and then force someone on me.
    2. My kids would never have allowed my interference on their behalf.

    What is important to anyone in a life partner can only be determined by that person.

    Do you want your parents to find someone for you? Is that what's behind this post.
    My parents can't participate in my life, but they assembled the plan of it and I am run accordingly until 18. I don't know how it was arranged, but the trustees arranged a GF for me who will travel to join me at the end of this month. I think the guys at the church told them that I had too many GF's or too few, or that I was gay (which I am not), or something. She and I skype now a lot, first I was not really thrilled by this arrangement, but now I like her a lot, and the trustees may have been very well right. That is, that the best person for you is who is brought to you by the people who made a person out of you too. (Although I think you may be right, if there was no program to formulate a person out of you to begin with, in which case you are indeed on your own, as you describe it.)

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    In the US? Absolutely not after the age of 18. Before that the parents have input but that's about it. Younger than say 15, yes they the parents have even more input.

    In other country's? It depends. My friend from India had his wife chosen by his parents. He and his wife were quite happy with the arrangement. They have 4 kids at last count and after more than 25 years, they are still happily married.

    So it would depend on your culture etc. I voted no because I grew up in the US.
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