View Poll Results: Should a parent choose the kid's GF/BF/wife/husband?

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  • Yes, if the parent is worth something and the kid too, then prove this to the kid, with this.

    0 0%
  • No, kids do whatever, befause everyone is of worth (to self only).

    11 73.33%
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Thread: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

  1. #21
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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    I don't think any parent should attempt to arrange a romance for their child, at any age. But with young ones, kids that are not yet adults (or even some that are), a parent should discourage a romance that seems abusive: isolating, verbally abusive, or God forbid, physically abusive.

    Doing so can be the most formidable challenge any parent will ever face -- anyone in such a horrible position should seek professional guidance, IMO.

    Meanwhile, a child (or young adult) who shows no interest in romance may just be especially independent, introverted, etc. and unless they seem unhappy, I'd not recommend interfering.

    I wonder about the marriages in cultures where the parents arrange them -- are the partners happy? Do they divorce as readily as we do, and if not, is it because women have fewer rights?

    Whatever the case may be, choosing my own kid's spouse is a repugnant idea to me.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Absolutely not! I would hope I raised my children well enough to choose an nonabusive partner. If they are 18 and have a.girlfriend/boyfriend that they are considering getting engaged to I would recomend premarital counseling and a prenuptual agreement, but other than suggestions, who am I to judge another human beings worth? If this guy or girl just got out of prison for assault, rape, or murder, etc... I would highly caution against them dating and pull up their public record and show it to my son/daughter, explain the dangers but in thw end who they date, what career they go into, and how they live their adult lives isn't my business. They're grown and its their life.

  3. #23
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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    My daughter isn't even two yet but is always far surpassing the 99th percentile and is mentally as advanced as the average three year old. I don't know about the stuff you're talking about but ill bet $100 my kid ends up better than yours at the same age yours is at right now. PM me for PayPal info. That's $100 straight to me btw not counting fees Paypal charges. On the whole approval though, she will do the right thing. PayPal. $100.
    "We’re going to close the unproductive tax loopholes that allow some of the truly wealthy to avoid paying their fair share. In theory, some of those loopholes were understandable, but in practice they sometimes made it possible for millionaires to pay nothing, while a bus driver was paying ten percent of his salary, and that’s crazy." -Reagan

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinkie View Post
    Ab9924, I cannot begin to imagine what sort of arrangement you are trying to live with, what force it may have, who designed, it, etc. Is this something based on religion?

    If anyone is controlling you to the point of trying to force you to accept some girl you don't don't know as a romantic partner, I suggest you see a lawyer to discuss what your rights may be.
    This is interesting. I think I have already accepted her, although I don't know how to get ready for this kind of thing. This is not really a religious arrangement, although the people that directly interface to me are from the church. This may not even have been in the plan script either.

    I must wonder ... even with all the excellent times I had with all the girls who picked me, how far can a game go? Tonight, I will go out with someone from Ethiopia, she switched me over to liking black (brown/red) skinned girls, but that's a game too. I hold all my girlfriends (ex or not) in high esteem, but still ... it all is a game. I don't know for sure, but if people marry like that, then I must speculate the logic, that their marriages are a game only too, as well as their children are games only too.

    I am not interested in marriage, but I am very interested in finding out if there is anything on Earth beyond the games. (Also, I don't think I would be approved to marry someone who is not white, but I plan to fight this convention with everything I can invent, after I am 18.)

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    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chelsea View Post
    Absolutely not! I would hope I raised my children well enough to choose an nonabusive partner. If they are 18 and have a.girlfriend/boyfriend that they are considering getting engaged to I would recomend premarital counseling and a prenuptual agreement, but other than suggestions, who am I to judge another human beings worth? If this guy or girl just got out of prison for assault, rape, or murder, etc... I would highly caution against them dating and pull up their public record and show it to my son/daughter, explain the dangers but in thw end who they date, what career they go into, and how they live their adult lives isn't my business. They're grown and its their life.
    Very interesting, I didn't even know that there is such a thing as premarital counseling.

  6. #26
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinkie View Post
    I don't think any parent should attempt to arrange a romance for their child, at any age. But with young ones, kids that are not yet adults (or even some that are), a parent should discourage a romance that seems abusive: isolating, verbally abusive, or God forbid, physically abusive.

    Doing so can be the most formidable challenge any parent will ever face -- anyone in such a horrible position should seek professional guidance, IMO.

    Meanwhile, a child (or young adult) who shows no interest in romance may just be especially independent, introverted, etc. and unless they seem unhappy, I'd not recommend interfering.
    I used to have zero interest (although I am not introverted too much), but that is not sustainable, your own classmates will seek you out before any authority such as a parent gets a clue. As a rule, parents get no visibility, and most people PRETEND zero interest to keep the parents at bay. In contrast to zero interest, I would like to propose a minimum finite interest theory, where the minimum level is completely determined by the class-mates.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinkie View Post

    I wonder about the marriages in cultures where the parents arrange them -- are the partners happy? Do they divorce as readily as we do, and if not, is it because women have fewer rights?

    Whatever the case may be, choosing my own kid's spouse is a repugnant idea to me.
    Repugnant is a very strong word. I don't think anyone in school would reject someone brought by parents unless the parents are embarrassingly rejectionable themselves.

    The arranged marriages that I know could go into 2 categories. The first one is where the parents were raising people, and those marriages turn out fine, from what I could see. The second one is where the parents raise something to satisfy themselves, and those marriages carry abuse to the point of (well constructed) murder.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Very interesting, I didn't even know that there is such a thing as premarital counseling.

    Yes, there is. My pastor sat us down before we got married and asked us to write down our goals for 2,5, and 10 years. Some things matches up, the things that didn't we compromised on then and there, they also go over conflict resolution. Our pastor had us read some Scripture together and we put together a few guidelines not to cross, such as we don't spank our children and I keep our budget because my husband is a bit spend crazy. Its a great start for a good marriage.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    This is interesting. I think I have already accepted her, although I don't know how to get ready for this kind of thing. This is not really a religious arrangement, although the people that directly interface to me are from the church. This may not even have been in the plan script either.

    I must wonder ... even with all the excellent times I had with all the girls who picked me, how far can a game go? Tonight, I will go out with someone from Ethiopia, she switched me over to liking black (brown/red) skinned girls, but that's a game too. I hold all my girlfriends (ex or not) in high esteem, but still ... it all is a game. I don't know for sure, but if people marry like that, then I must speculate the logic, that their marriages are a game only too, as well as their children are games only too.

    I am not interested in marriage, but I am very interested in finding out if there is anything on Earth beyond the games. (Also, I don't think I would be approved to marry someone who is not white, but I plan to fight this convention with everything I can invent, after I am 18.)
    Honey, you're not yet 18 -- far too young to worry about who you should marry.

    Marriage and children are no game, but I can tell you exactly why my marriage failed: I had graduated from college, and felt this enormous peer pressure to marry ASAP, so I did. Fulfilling someone else's expectations for your life is a recipe for misery.

    Your job is to be healthy, curious, respectful, open, awed, outraged, alive -- to be a kid on the verge of adulthood. This is a precious time in your life.

    Don't let anyone steal your joy.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    I used to have zero interest (although I am not introverted too much), but that is not sustainable, your own classmates will seek you out before any authority such as a parent gets a clue. As a rule, parents get no visibility, and most people PRETEND zero interest to keep the parents at bay. In contrast to zero interest, I would like to propose a minimum finite interest theory, where the minimum level is completely determined by the class-mates.



    Repugnant is a very strong word. I don't think anyone in school would reject someone brought by parents unless the parents are embarrassingly rejectionable themselves.

    The arranged marriages that I know could go into 2 categories. The first one is where the parents were raising people, and those marriages turn out fine, from what I could see. The second one is where the parents raise something to satisfy themselves, and those marriages carry abuse to the point of (well constructed) murder.
    Ab9926, this is not how I live. It's not how anyone I've ever met has lived. Please don't make choices you can't undo before you have a chance to discover what all your options may be.

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    Re: The most obvious parental neglect: should a parent forget to CHOOSE?

    People greatly under-estimate the effect marriage has on their life. That is a person who is going to be there morning, noon and night. A person you communication with more than all other people combined. There is no substantive decision you can make without the other person. Every major economic decision. Likely, you will have to account for ever hour of your time to that person. And all that is forever.

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