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Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    Votes: 7 14.9%
  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    Votes: 12 25.5%
  • Other.

    Votes: 28 59.6%

  • Total voters
    47
Sexual fidelity has nothing to do with fitness to be a parent.
 
I said other...I think it depends on the situation.......
 
Can't some child welfare be sacrificed to provide some level of justice to a parent?



Depends on what you mean by sacrafice child welfare... as a parent being screwed by my ex I can't think of a situation here I would want my child over their best interest. Most of the time they can over lap though. Our case is decided in Court this Friday.
 
What does sexual fidelity have to do with fitness to be a parent?

It goes to show moral or ethical responsiblity. If one is a cheater then they are not trustworthy to anybody. This affects parenting.
 
I fail to see how cheating on your spouse makes you an unfit parent.
 
It goes to show moral or ethical responsiblity. If one is a cheater then they are not trustworthy to anybody. This affects parenting.

Accordign to Science Daily the number of potential cheaters is quite high - 40 to 70% might cheat . .. are 40-70% automatically untrustworthy? According to these statistics - most of us know someone who's cheated during their marriage . . . do you realize if anyone has? 40-70% is 4/10 or 7/10. Well I know more than 10 married couples and I can't envision any of them cheating on their partners.

Such blanket-condemning thought process isn't based on reality - it's based on the assumption that one singular decision or incident nets that the individual - for their entire life thereafter - is a bad, horrid person. It's just not true. While it might be a bad decision and it might have negative consequences - it doesn't mean the person can't pay the bills on time, can't feed the family, can't take kids to the hospital when they're sick and stay up with them at night. It doesn't mean that one can't do a good job at work - not nipping money out of the till and so on.

I don't believe in not giving someone a 2nd chance - or an opportunity to correct their wrongs and amend a bad situation. I don't believe in holding one action against someone in every aspect of their life. People can and do change.

People shouldn't be defined by just their bad decisions in life. . .which, again, brings us back to it just being circumstantial and based on the situation, how everyone deals with it, and the course of action everyone takes.

Do you believe your bad decisions should govern everything else about you? I definitely don't - my dad never forgave me for getting pregnant during high school . . . as if I couldn't grow up, mature, and change at all in the last 15 years since then. . . like I'm incapable of doing anything else but ****ing everything that moves (seriously - he said that to my *current* husband - that he thought I had sex with everything that moves. . . my husband defended me quite honorable.)

So - no one should be condemning anyone except for those directly affected - if it's your co worker and it doesn't involve you then you shouldn't judge them. And if it is direct and personal - then just keep in mind that NOT EVERYONE is like THAT one person.

Not everyone is like my ex husband - ok?
 
My brother, the man who makes digsbe look like an evil heathen, cheated on his wife while she was in a depression and he became lonely and emotionally needy. You would be surprised at who cheats.
 
I fail to see how cheating on your spouse makes you an unfit parent.

Makes you a bad human being? And usually bad human beings are bad parents? Or it could be that you are weak to commitment... I can come up with MANY reasons.
 
Makes you a bad human being? And usually bad human beings are bad parents? Or it could be that you are weak to commitment... I can come up with MANY reasons.

If paintbrushes were broads. . .all that.
 
It goes to show moral or ethical responsiblity. If one is a cheater then they are not trustworthy to anybody. This affects parenting.

So is being a cheater like being an alcoholic? Once one, always one? When does it stop? Should we break out the Scarlet Letters?

On a related note, I will tell you, I love my child but I wouldn't piss on the other half of her gene pool if he were on fire. The relationships are completely and totally different and CANNOT be compared. How I treat my partner/spouse and my child are not comparable. My child is a part of me.
 
Makes you a bad human being? And usually bad human beings are bad parents? Or it could be that you are weak to commitment... I can come up with MANY reasons.

I'm of the opinion that the person who spends the most time caring for the children's needs should have custody of the children while the other parent has visitation. In my opinion, the person who took them to birthday parties, to the doctor, trick or treating, attended parent/teacher conferences, gave the baths or the medicine when needed, cooked the dinners, washed the clothes and so on and so forth should be the one who keeps them most of the time. The parent who spends the least time caring for the kids should receive visitation rights. This keeps things somewhat stable for the children during a divorce. Whether a parent cheated or not doesn't really matter. Obviously if they were spending so much time cheating and not caring for the kids ...then it would matter. But they would lose custody because they weren't caring for the children not because they were cheating.
 
I agree with others that cheating on a spouse does not necessarily make you a bad parent, so I would have to say that it would depend on a lot of other circumstances as well and not simply based on who cheated.
 
Accordign to Science Daily the number of potential cheaters is quite high - 40 to 70% might cheat . .. are 40-70% automatically untrustworthy? According to these statistics - most of us know someone who's cheated during their marriage . . . do you realize if anyone has? 40-70% is 4/10 or 7/10. Well I know more than 10 married couples and I can't envision any of them cheating on their partners.

I doubt that it is that high in reality. It is like the divorce rate statistics. Half of marriages end in divorce but that is skewed by those that get married and divorced 4 times as opposed to those that stay together for over 50 years like my parents.A cheater probably cheats in multiple relationships skewing the stats just the same while many others never cheat.

I know people who have cheated and some that I suspect might have and I don't trust them at all. They are scum.

Such blanket-condemning thought process isn't based on reality -

Yes it is...

it's based on the assumption that one singular decision or incident nets that the individual - for their entire life thereafter - is a bad, horrid person. It's just not true. While it might be a bad decision and it might have negative consequences - it doesn't mean the person can't pay the bills on time, can't feed the family, can't take kids to the hospital when they're sick and stay up with them at night. It doesn't mean that one can't do a good job at work - not nipping money out of the till and so on

I never said that they were bad or horrid. I said that they are a cheater and untrustworthy. It is a simple fact. They cheated on their partner. A person they committed to. That is untrustworthy no matter how you may want to spin it and it is also an act of such magnitude that it does, yes, scar their character for life. That said it is a horrid act and one that makes them scum buckets.

I don't believe in not giving someone a 2nd chance - or an opportunity to correct their wrongs and amend a bad situation. I don't believe in holding one action against someone in every aspect of their life. People can and do change.

I didn't say that they can't change and many do change. This doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't trust them. Sorry.

People shouldn't be defined by just their bad decisions in life. . .which, again, brings us back to it just being circumstantial and based on the situation, how everyone deals with it, and the course of action everyone takes.

Do you believe your bad decisions should govern everything else about you? I definitely don't - my dad never forgave me for getting pregnant during high school . . . as if I couldn't grow up, mature, and change at all in the last 15 years since then. . . like I'm incapable of doing anything else but ****ing everything that moves (seriously - he said that to my *current* husband - that he thought I had sex with everything that moves. . . my husband defended me quite honorable.)

I didn't think that we were talking about kids. I thought we were talking about mature adults. We all do stupid things but many are not so calculated as cheating on a supposed partner who gives you complete and utter trust... that is subsequently dumped on.

So - no one should be condemning anyone except for those directly affected - if it's your co worker and it doesn't involve you then you shouldn't judge them. And if it is direct and personal - then just keep in mind that NOT EVERYONE is like THAT one person.

Not everyone is like my ex husband - ok?

My ex-wife cheated on me. She is utter trash. I thought cheaters were this way prior to that though. I cringe every time cheating is done on TV or in a movie. It disgusts me and I condemn every person that cheats. A respectful, mature and trustworthy adult communicates and ends the relationship. My friend got back from England last year and the next day her husband announced he was seeing another woman for some time and he was moving out. Untrustworthy.
 
So is being a cheater like being an alcoholic? Once one, always one? When does it stop? Should we break out the Scarlet Letters?

On a related note, I will tell you, I love my child but I wouldn't piss on the other half of her gene pool if he were on fire. The relationships are completely and totally different and CANNOT be compared. How I treat my partner/spouse and my child are not comparable. My child is a part of me.

No. It isn't like being an alcoholic at all. One is a calculated action and the other is the result of an addictive personality. I am sure that some cheaters are addicted to it but I doubt most are. It stops when people grow the hell up.

My ex is a pretty good mum but that doesn't mean that her cheating and ****ed up mentality is good for the children. She is selfish, as cheaters are. She keeps them home from school to suit her. She does lots of things that a non-cheater wouldn't, im my opinion. Cheating reflects a personality that is untrustworthy. Just a fact as I see it.
 
I've been in "civilized modern society" only about 5 years and increasingly it strikes as a collection of bizarre contradictions, plus I am struck by the sleeple-lemming natures of people.

On the one hand, society is extraordinarily promiscuous now in terms of non-married people and that such values are now acceptable - which they were not in the past. However, "old fashioned" values of marriage still are mostly expected.

In the past, getting married was gaining the legitimate right to have sex (with one person), while sex outside marriage was considered wrong. Now, unless married a person may sex with anyone provided it is consentual by the social values of most people, BUT all that stops when a person marriage. So marriage used to the the "pro-sex" status in life, when how it is the anti-sex status compared to unmarried life.

That strikes me as odd.
 
No it's not, Bod.

Do you think I'm a bad person? I'm immoral and unethical and a bad parent?

I'm not, am I? Even though I cheated on my ex boyfriend with my husband when we met - and my ex boyfriend was even stationed via military duty. (all sorts of evils- put me on ignore I might taint your mind with my wicked ways) Yet somehow I'm a good mother, a good student, and successful at anything I put my mind to. He's a good soldier-considerably so, and he's an incredible father - not only to his two biological children but my children from my previous marriage.

Our children are fabulous - doing well in school and even handling their father's health issues with a considerable amount of strength.

Your attempt to vilify anyone who's ever been unfaithful before is narrow minded, to say the least -- and anchored in your own personal issues, no one elses.

/ end discussion
 
I put "other" because those things would be looked into and investigated before they made a decision. Cheating on a faithful good husband would be looked differently upon than cheating on a husband that beats her and cheats as well.
 
I'm of the opinion that the person who spends the most time caring for the children's needs should have custody of the children while the other parent has visitation. In my opinion, the person who took them to birthday parties, to the doctor, trick or treating, attended parent/teacher conferences, gave the baths or the medicine when needed, cooked the dinners, washed the clothes and so on and so forth should be the one who keeps them most of the time. The parent who spends the least time caring for the kids should receive visitation rights. This keeps things somewhat stable for the children during a divorce. Whether a parent cheated or not doesn't really matter. Obviously if they were spending so much time cheating and not caring for the kids ...then it would matter. But they would lose custody because they weren't caring for the children not because they were cheating.

I'm going to have to disagree there because while the one who did all those things was doing their 50% share of the work, while the other did their 50% share, but got paid for it, thus allowing all parties to survive. Can't cook dinner with no food or kitchen, can't go to PTA with no gas, parties with no presents, and do laundry with no clothes. So, the idea that the one who was out working to make all things possible has less rights than the one who got to stay home and spend more time with the child is invalid, selfish, and wrong, in my opinion. You should be ashamed of yourself.
 
I'm going to have to disagree there because while the one who did all those things was doing their 50% share of the work, while the other did their 50% share, but got paid for it, thus allowing all parties to survive. Can't cook dinner with no food or kitchen, can't go to PTA with no gas, parties with no presents, and do laundry with no clothes. So, the idea that the one who was out working to make all things possible has less rights than the one who got to stay home and spend more time with the child is invalid, selfish, and wrong, in my opinion. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I'm referring to the typical American household where both mom and dad hold down a job. Generally both parents make money but only one provides the largest majority of the day to day care. But even if the mom or dad didn't hold down the job and one stayed home. It is what the kids are used to that bring them the most stability. That is how most judges look at it. It is never what is best for the parents or "right" in the parents minds. It is all about the children, as it should be.
 
I'm going to have to disagree there because while the one who did all those things was doing their 50% share of the work, while the other did their 50% share, but got paid for it, thus allowing all parties to survive. Can't cook dinner with no food or kitchen, can't go to PTA with no gas, parties with no presents, and do laundry with no clothes. So, the idea that the one who was out working to make all things possible has less rights than the one who got to stay home and spend more time with the child is invalid, selfish, and wrong, in my opinion. You should be ashamed of yourself.

And besides, I worked and raised three kids. You can work and still do all of those things for your children and if you are a parent, you should be from the day they are born. Even if one parent stays home, when the other parent gets home they should want to help with baths, homework, dinner, ball practices, scout meetings, diaper changes, medicine giving, and all the wonderful things that come along with being a parent. If a parent has not done these things for their children in the past, it is not likely they are going to start just because they got a divorce.
 
And besides, I worked and raised three kids. You can work and still do all of those things for your children and if you are a parent, you should be from the day they are born. Even if one parent stays home, when the other parent gets home they should want to help with baths, homework, dinner, ball practices, scout meetings, diaper changes, medicine giving, and all the wonderful things that come along with being a parent. If a parent has not done these things for their children in the past, it is not likely they are going to start just because they got a divorce.

Ok, then we're both right! As I said, until the details are known, you can never decide these cases based on basic info.
 
No - no - you're just ignoring everything else I've said in this thread and latching onto that one post because I just recently put it up.
Like I said in the beginning - it's circumstancial . . . other things would have to happen for it to be a consideration in my view. It's all circumstantial. Like many of us first stated - usually if someone cheats in a relationship there were other problems and the marriage was already rocky.
Cheating isn't what breaks up the marraige - it's how they decide to handle it that might end the marriage. Many couples facing the situation DON'T DIVORCE - that is also their response.
If cheating was the nail - then it would be the nail whether they stayed together or not. . . but it's not.
Marriages end for all sorts of reasons - does that mean that one parent should always lose rights if they were somehow considered more at fault for the breakdown of the marriage?
You're only looking at the worst-case scenarios and assuming that it always is like that - and it's not.


I was going to digest what you posted above, until I saw this today;

http://www.debatepolitics.com/polls/142396-should-women-allowed-custody-12.html#post1061144945

No it's not, Bod.

Even though I cheated on my ex boyfriend with my husband when we met - and my ex boyfriend was even stationed via military duty.

And remembered this from earlier in the thread;

http://www.debatepolitics.com/polls/142396-should-women-allowed-custody.html#post1061132637

My ex accused me of cheating around :roll: Ridiculous.


Yeah, I am going to pass on even continuing this discussion with you.
Custody of your kids should have been remanded to your ex.

You are, in fact, a ****ty person.
 
I was going to digest what you posted above, until I saw this today;

http://www.debatepolitics.com/polls/142396-should-women-allowed-custody-12.html#post1061144945



And remembered this from earlier in the thread;

http://www.debatepolitics.com/polls/142396-should-women-allowed-custody.html#post1061132637




Yeah, I am going to pass on even continuing this discussion with you.
Custody of your kids should have been remanded to your ex.

You are, in fact, a ****ty person.

Don't be stupid - my ex husband is not the same as my ex boyfriend.

Keep up with the program.
 
Moderator's Warning:
Please debate the topic and not make personal attacks. Thank you.
 
Moderator's Warning:
Please debate the topic and not make personal attacks. Thank you.

No. Sorry, GirlNextDoor, I like you, but;

**** this place, **** your rules, and **** the members on here that get their panties in a wad when they get called out on something.

Please, grow a god damn pair and ban my ass. I will not stop calling people out for being hypocritical, regardless of how some may feel about it.

You do what you have to do.
 
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