View Poll Results: Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

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  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    9 16.07%
  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    12 21.43%
  • Other.

    35 62.50%
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Thread: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

  1. #81
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kr1ll1n View Post
    I agree, but I believe it is an emotional divergence from the question originally posed, which was if a woman cheated, should she lose custodial rights. I am assuming the question is being proposed in a custody battle, courts scenario.
    I assume the same, which is what my initial response was based on. I don't view the maternal-child relationship as equivalent to the husband-wife relationship, thus I don't think it should be taken into consideration, but I also don't think the woman automatically should have custody just because she is a woman.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by lizzie View Post
    I assume the same, which is what my initial response was based on. I don't view the maternal-child relationship as equivalent to the husband-wife relationship, thus I don't think it should be taken into consideration, but I also don't think the woman automatically should have custody just because she is a woman.
    But when you take into account the mountains of evidence showing negative outcomes for children from single-parent homes, it doesn't make sense to even equate that a cheater could be a good parent, considering they have risked that child's well being and livelihood for a potentially once-only encounter. I think what Aberration said is salient to this discussion also, which was;

    Quote Originally Posted by Aberration View Post
    How does a parent cheat on their spouse without giving up time that should have been spent with the children?
    So what it boils down to, is that in reality, cheaters loves their children, but make ****ty parents.

    Love doesn't equate to good parenting. Just love. Many crack addicts love their children, just not enough to care for them over their own addiction.

    NOTE: My wife was molested by one of my MIL's boyfriends, and not even by one of her many husbands, of which she is on her 5th. My wife, for most of her life, was not raised by her biological father, but by somebody else, who was, in fact, a good father. It was just her mom's trial and error, and ****ty judgement prior, that got my wife molested.
    Last edited by Kr1ll1n; 11-11-12 at 11:49 PM.

  3. #83
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aberration View Post
    How does a parent cheat on their spouse without giving up time that should have been spent with the children?
    How do people cheat, period? . . . A lot of it is office related- at times when it's not neglecting spouse/children to do so.

    I think the myth that someone runs off whenever they 'go to the store' or 'go to the drs' or 'going out with friends for sports night' as a guise for cheating is really more based on myth. . . reality is - most people don't do that when they cheat.

    Infidelity Statistics - Truth About Deception

    My ex was always wrapped up with his coworkers - together, he was suppose to be management . . . there you go. He wouldn't have been home even if he didn't cheat so it's not like it cut into our time together. Now his drug habit - that did.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    But, isn't the husband and her child the same because it was her explicit choice to have both of them?
    No. COMPLETELY different things.

    Look, I love my wife. I'd die for her. But I can think of many things that would make me leave her, and infidelity is only one of them. If she became too naggy, or our interests started to diverge too much, or if we just got bored with each other. Such things can cause you to fall out of love in certain situations.

    But there is nothing, NOTHING, that could cause me to stop loving my children. Paternal/maternal love is orders of magnitude greater/deeper than spousal love. I would venture to say many, if not most, parents feel that way. In fact, all too many people suffer through a miserable marriage solely out of the fear of losing their children.

    You can't compare the two types of love.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    How do people cheat, period? . . . A lot of it is office related- at times when it's not neglecting spouse/children to do so.

    I think the myth that someone runs off whenever they 'go to the store' or 'go to the drs' or 'going out with friends for sports night' as a guise for cheating is really more based on myth. . . reality is - most people don't do that when they cheat.

    Infidelity Statistics - Truth About Deception

    My ex was always wrapped up with his coworkers - together, he was suppose to be management . . . there you go. He wouldn't have been home even if he didn't cheat so it's not like it cut into our time together. Now his drug habit - that did.
    Job = Income, Income that is going to the family. F*cking around with somebody else while at work risks both income, and family. That doesn't really show any additional reason for allowing a cheater to keep a child. I can only see one reason for a cheater to keep the child, and that would be that the one not cheating is seriously f*ed up. Usually in those cases, the person that is that screwed up shouldn't be in the picture to begin with, if the cheater gave two flying f*cks about the kids to begin with.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kr1ll1n View Post
    Job = Income, Income that is going to the family. F*cking around with somebody else while at work risks both income, and family. That doesn't really show any additional reason for allowing a cheater to keep a child.
    Ok . . . so tell me why the cheater - who did so wrong - should be given a free walk in the park and then pass the stress and issues of parenting all onto the other because they were "just that bad"

    Don't you believe they should have to uphold their parental responsibilities - and not be given some sort of alleviation from parenting altogether?

    No - to me it would be a personal hell to be without my kids. But it would also be extremely difficult to raise them without my husband doing something. I'd become more incensed and more angry if I was the only parent to carry the weight of all the decisions, issues and troubles when they were OUR children we made together. I'd not only expect him to be a parent - I'd demand it . . . he'd still go to events, games, parades, the dr's - all those things. He wouldn't be able to skip out of it all because he ****ed around.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarcogito View Post
    No. COMPLETELY different things.

    Look, I love my wife. I'd die for her. But I can think of many things that would make me leave her, and infidelity is only one of them. If she became too naggy, or our interests started to diverge too much, or if we just got bored with each other. Such things can cause you to fall out of love in certain situations.

    But there is nothing, NOTHING, that could cause me to stop loving my children. Paternal/maternal love is orders of magnitude greater/deeper than spousal love. I would venture to say many, if not most, parents feel that way. In fact, all too many people suffer through a miserable marriage solely out of the fear of losing their children.

    You can't compare the two types of love.

    You would die for her, but you can think of many reasons why you would cheat on her? Your standard for sacrificing yourself is incredibly low, or at least it seems that way.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    Ok . . . so tell me why the cheater - who did so wrong - should be given a free walk in the park and then pass the stress and issues of parenting all onto the other because they were "just that bad"

    Don't you believe they should have to uphold their parental responsibilities - and not be given some sort of alleviation from parenting altogether?

    No - to me it would be a personal hell to be without my kids. But it would also be extremely difficult to raise them without my husband doing something. I'd become more incensed and more angry if I was the only parent to carry the weight of all the decisions, issues and troubles when they were OUR children we made together. I'd not only expect him to be a parent - I'd demand it . . . he'd still go to events, games, parades, the dr's - all those things. He wouldn't be able to skip out of it all because he ****ed around.
    Spiker, I already tore this same argument from you apart, yesterday;

    http://www.debatepolitics.com/polls/...post1061134243

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kr1ll1n View Post
    You would die for her, but you can think of many reasons why you would cheat on her? Your standard for sacrificing yourself is incredibly low, or at least it seems that way.
    I didn't say I would cheat on her. I said there were things that could make me leave her, i.e. get a divorce. One of those things that would make me leave her is infidelity on her part.

    But I have known men and women who were horrible spouses and were cheaters but were outstanding parents. I have known copules that were faithful to each other but were mediocre parents at best. Humans are complicated creatures. You can't fit them into cookie cutter molds.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kr1ll1n View Post
    Spiker, I already tore this same argument from you apart, yesterday;

    http://www.debatepolitics.com/polls/...post1061134243
    No - what it all boils down to is that you think cheating means they'er also a ****ty parent . . . and I don't think that's a determining factor.

    OTHER factors make you ****ty - but cheating itself . . . no, especially when most of it goes unknown and doesn't end marriages.

    Do you think a parent is ****ty if the marriage *doesn't end* (parent - not spouse - we've already established they're a bad spouse)
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