View Poll Results: Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

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  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    9 16.07%
  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    12 21.43%
  • Other.

    35 62.50%
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Thread: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kr1ll1n View Post
    ^^This.

    It irks the crap out of me when people throw up arguments about neglectful spouses and other such nonsense. Here is why.

    1. Marriage Counseling
    2. Discussion with spouse
    3. Divorce

    #1 - Not always capable of fixing the problems, but can be a good conduit for bringing them out in to the open.
    #2 - There may be a legitimate reason for the current neglect on the part of the spouse. Doesn't mean cheating is excusable because you feel like you are being ignored.
    #3 - If all else fails, then go this route.

    People that cheat don't seem to have the patience to try any of the above, so why should we assume they could be patient with a child. Seriously, how hard is it to wait until you are free from a bad marriage to have sex with someone else?
    Because the relationship they have with their spouse is completely different than the one they have with their children. It is also often the case that people have more patience with their own children than with other children, their own spouse, or adults in general.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kr1ll1n View Post
    ^^This.

    It irks the crap out of me when people throw up arguments about neglectful spouses and other such nonsense. Here is why.

    1. Marriage Counseling
    2. Discussion with spouse
    3. Divorce

    #1 - Not always capable of fixing the problems, but can be a good conduit for bringing them out in to the open.
    #2 - There may be a legitimate reason for the current neglect on the part of the spouse. Doesn't mean cheating is excusable because you feel like you are being ignored.
    #3 - If all else fails, then go this route.

    People that cheat don't seem to have the patience to try any of the above, so why should we assume they could be patient with a child. Seriously, how hard is it to wait until you are free from a bad marriage to have sex with someone else?
    So - because of #1, #2 and #3 . . .naturally. . . the offending party should lose custody of their child entirely.

    It just makes no sense to me.

    You are also acting as if granting shared custody is somehow condoning cheating or giving a high-five. That's hardly teh case. . .we are talking about a divorcing couple after all.

    It's amazing to me the extent that some seem to want to go to in order to retaliate.

    Really - does 'getting back' help heal any of the wounds and make it easier? I imagine that those who support it are in for a rude awakening when they suddenly realize that everything that they dealt with as a couple they now have to do alone if they have sole custody. Dr's appointments - school functions - sickness and injury - drama. All that.

    Again, if it was me: I would WANT him involved so I'm not all of a sudden doing 100% on my own all because of what HE wanted to do - I wouldn't let his actions lead to a life of shirked parental responsibilities for one and an immense parental struggle for the other.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    So - because of #1, #2 and #3 . . .naturally. . . the offending party should lose custody of their child entirely.

    It just makes no sense to me.

    You are also acting as if granting shared custody is somehow condoning cheating or giving a high-five. That's hardly teh case. . .we are talking about a divorcing couple after all.
    No, specifically, we are talking about should a woman lose all custody because she cheated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    It's amazing to me the extent that some seem to want to go to in order to retaliate.
    It's amazing to me that some people think that jeopardizing a child's future is excusable, and that they should get some free pass just because they are a parent.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    Really - does 'getting back' help heal any of the wounds and make it easier? I imagine that those who support it are in for a rude awakening when they suddenly realize that everything that they dealt with as a couple they now have to do alone if they have sole custody. Dr's appointments - school functions - sickness and injury - drama. All that.
    My wife was down for the count for the first 3 months of our daughter's life. I did all the diaper changes, bathing, putting down to bed, housework, working for money, etc..etc.. on top of having to change my wife's bandages and nurse her back to health. Raising kids isn't easy, doesn't mean a ****ty parent should be in the picture because you need a break.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    Again, if it was me: I would WANT him involved so I'm not all of a sudden doing 100% on my own all because of what HE wanted to do - I wouldn't let his actions lead to a life of shirked parental responsibilities for one and an immense parental struggle for the other.
    No, sounds like you would want him involved because you can't handle it all on your own. How far women's liberation has come, I see.



    http://www.human.cornell.edu/pam/out...alconflict.pdf

    Guess what? Kids in households where both parents are present fare better, on average, than kids in single parent homes. If a parent, female or not, can't exercise enough patience to try the 3 things I listed, than they are not mature enough to be raising kids. Sorry, it is what it is. Regardless of how you think it should be. It's not about getting back, or retaliation. It's about doing what is best for the child or children. Cheating and ultimately causing a divorce is not good for the kids.
    Last edited by Kr1ll1n; 11-11-12 at 03:24 AM.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Hypothesis: 100% of the people in this thread who support this kind of retributive approach to child custody are embittered men who have been divorced because of adultery.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    i voted other because Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, but not unconditionally. Seems weird you added that.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    The poll actually implies that custody should not even be contested if adultry is commited. This would either require an additional court to determine the veracity of the claim or the complete suspension of jurisprudence on accusation. Courts occasionally attempt to venture into this arena when there are other primary issues (usually criminal), but adulterer's courts went out of style before the country was founded. Inversely, there is a high probability that an individual who considers grown-up personal issues to be relevant in the well-being of a child should not be the primary custodian.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Your position is reasonable. But I still must ask, because the question begs for itself. Why do we rubber-stamp the destruction of a child's home by ignoring cheating as a cause?
    We don't all rubber-stamp it. I personally find it horrific, but it's one of the long-term side effects of the women's liberation movement. Women don't *need* men, the way they used to, and they exercise their "right" to do whatever they wish, to whomever they want, because they have other resources these days. I find it disturbing that this is the path some women take, but it's one of the prices our society pays for social progress. We have created generations of people who are self-focused and shallow, and this is the result of it.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    no no and no

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kandahar View Post
    Hypothesis: 100% of the people in this thread who support this kind of retributive approach to child custody are embittered men who have been divorced because of adultery.
    Frankly, I can't blame them. When you get gutted by a women whom you thought loved you, and loved her family life, it's pretty damn hard to swallow that she was lying to you.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Custody should be determined on a single factor - what is best for the child(ren). To hell with disputes between the parents. Children are rewards to the "winner" of the argument between them.

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