View Poll Results: Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

Voters
56. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    9 16.07%
  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    12 21.43%
  • Other.

    35 62.50%
Page 6 of 17 FirstFirst ... 4567816 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 60 of 169

Thread: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

  1. #51
    Cheese
    Aunt Spiker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sasnakra
    Last Seen
    09-10-16 @ 06:10 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Moderate
    Posts
    28,433

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Your position is reasonable. But I still must ask, because the question begs for itself. Why do we rubber-stamp the destruction of a child's home by ignoring cheating as a cause? Also I was not arguing for full custody, I was arguing for a biassed joint custody as opposed to equal custody. Shouldn't cheating be punished when it destroys a child's home? Shouldn't be consequences to abandoning a jointly agreed marriage in the face of its dependents? Even your cell-phone contract may infer termination penalties, is a marriage not worth even that?
    Someone cheats = couple breaks up over it . . . that isn't ignoring cheating. The entire family structure was disassembled and the entire future for that child was rewritten.
    The whole reason why we're even discussing this is because it's NOT being ignored - ignoring it would be staying married even if you hate each other. . . that's ignoring it.

    If someone's divorcing - trust me - they're suffering. . . I don't see how you can think otherwise. Divorce is hard, it sucks - even for the offending party that committed the wrong it's hard. I don't know ANY joyously happy divorces who were at main fault for causing the breaking of their marriage. They usually have a lot of personal baggage that they carry around.

    The consequences are stark no matter what the situation - you no longer are in a solid family environment. You cannot share household issues with someone else. You cannot see your child every night - you cannot be there for them for everything like you would have otherwise regardless of the custody balance in the end.

    Sounds ****ty to me - I can't imagine not being full-time mom to all 4 of my kids. That'd be hell. It would never be enough to see them just sometimes or on the weekends or however else it works out . . . and what if the other moves away and such? Ugh.

    The divorce - balancing custody - cost of divorce (which can get high up there if you mediate, etc) - and loss of dignity and everything else . . . it doesn't sound like a cakewalk to me. Mine was uncontested but I still had to deal with him for a long time afterward.

    Are you thinking of divorce as a pleasant fun event or someting? Your concept of what a divorced joint custody life is like is a bit baffling . . . I left my ex because he was abusive but it sucked having to live with my parents and work **** jobs to make my own ends meet without even so much as having child support from him.
    A screaming comes across the sky.
    It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
    Pynchon - Gravity's Rainbow

  2. #52
    Sage
    Harry Guerrilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Not affiliated with other libertarians.
    Last Seen
    09-01-17 @ 02:38 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Libertarian
    Posts
    28,955

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    Heavens - just delete that. I'm hoping your being facetious.

    Because a mother never stops being a mother . . . you never become your child's figurative aunt unless your entire family has some seriously ****ed up issues . .. my ex husband's family had some seriously ****ed up issues - he found out when he was 22 that his uncle was actually his biological father.

    That's how a parent becomes a aunt/uncle - and that is the single most ****ed up thing to ever do.

    Now - you can become a ****ty mother . . . a horrid mother - but you're never *not* the mother.

    Cheating means you wanted something from someone else - it's not like she or he took on other people's children and pretended they didn't have any or something. As we've said - usually cheating goes along with other issues in the marriage . . . or maybe emotional problems that one is dealing with. Not excusing it - just explaining that it's not all because you suddenly don't want to be a mother anymore.
    I wholeheartedly disagree.

    My sister is only the biological mother of my niece, she is not the actual mother of my niece.
    My sister treats her as sometimes inconvenient accessory, kinda like a dog.

    Her stepmother, on the other hand, has been her primary mother.
    I was discovering that life just simply isn't fair and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.
    —Adam Shepard

  3. #53
    Cheese
    Aunt Spiker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sasnakra
    Last Seen
    09-10-16 @ 06:10 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Moderate
    Posts
    28,433

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    To add - no one likes the cheaters (obviously).

    The effects and backlash from doing so can be devastating and out of their control. People who cheat lose friends and family - not just their marriage but so many other things fall apart. Hell - they can lose their jobs if they cheat with a coworker. Military members can be outed.

    Society does not approve and many people aren't shy about showing it.
    A screaming comes across the sky.
    It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
    Pynchon - Gravity's Rainbow

  4. #54
    Cheese
    Aunt Spiker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sasnakra
    Last Seen
    09-10-16 @ 06:10 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Moderate
    Posts
    28,433

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Harry Guerrilla View Post
    I wholeheartedly disagree.

    My sister is only the biological mother of my niece, she is not the actual mother of my niece.
    My sister treats her as sometimes inconvenient accessory, kinda like a dog.

    Her stepmother, on the other hand, has been her primary mother.
    Yeah, absolutely. My husband is the father of my 1st two - he's never been seen as 'step dad' . . . I don't even put that on forms and stuff - it's ridiculous to forever label someone like that. He's 'father' and that's that.

    I was trying to combat that concept that she's shunning her motherhood with the act of cheating on her spouse. (I could have written it better I guess) - cheating doesn't demote you based on those grounds.
    A screaming comes across the sky.
    It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
    Pynchon - Gravity's Rainbow

  5. #55
    Sage
    Harry Guerrilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Not affiliated with other libertarians.
    Last Seen
    09-01-17 @ 02:38 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Libertarian
    Posts
    28,955

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    Yeah, absolutely. My husband is the father of my 1st two - he's never been seen as 'step dad' . . . I don't even put that on forms and stuff - it's ridiculous to forever label someone like that. He's 'father' and that's that.

    I was trying to combat that concept that she's shunning her motherhood with the act of cheating on her spouse. (I could have written it better I guess) - cheating doesn't demote you based on those grounds.
    I can agree with that.
    I don't think it's automatic in making you a ****ty parent, however, I think it should be weighed in, regarding all the other behavior characteristics.
    I was discovering that life just simply isn't fair and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.
    —Adam Shepard

  6. #56
    Sage
    Harry Guerrilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Not affiliated with other libertarians.
    Last Seen
    09-01-17 @ 02:38 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Libertarian
    Posts
    28,955

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    To add - no one likes the cheaters (obviously).

    The effects and backlash from doing so can be devastating and out of their control. People who cheat lose friends and family - not just their marriage but so many other things fall apart. Hell - they can lose their jobs if they cheat with a coworker. Military members can be outed.

    Society does not approve and many people aren't shy about showing it.
    What's crazy is society doesn't approve, but a hell of a lot of them, are cheaters.
    I was discovering that life just simply isn't fair and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.
    —Adam Shepard

  7. #57
    User Incredulous's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    My house.
    Last Seen
    08-20-16 @ 01:40 PM
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    29

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    A person's ability to parent and a person's ability to maintain a faithful partnership with another consenting adult are two entirely different concepts that can hardly be compared IMO.

  8. #58
    Enemy Combatant
    Kandahar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Last Seen
    10-15-13 @ 08:47 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    20,688

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Okay everyone, so if a woman cheats on her husband, hasn't she already proven with that that she is not able to be loyal or supportive and caring, so a child should not be assumed to receive any loyalty, support, and care from her, when examined in any court of law?
    Of course not. Many people (male and female) who commit adultery are loving, caring, supportive parents.
    Are you coming to bed?
    I can't. This is important.
    What?
    Someone is WRONG on the internet! -XKCD

  9. #59
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Last Seen
    11-23-12 @ 03:08 AM
    Lean
    Libertarian
    Posts
    477

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Okay everyone, so if a woman cheats on her husband, hasn't she already proven with that that she is not able to be loyal or supportive and caring, so a child should not be assumed to receive any loyalty, support, and care from her, when examined in any court of law?
    ^^This.

    It irks the crap out of me when people throw up arguments about neglectful spouses and other such nonsense. Here is why.

    1. Marriage Counseling
    2. Discussion with spouse
    3. Divorce

    #1 - Not always capable of fixing the problems, but can be a good conduit for bringing them out in to the open.
    #2 - There may be a legitimate reason for the current neglect on the part of the spouse. Doesn't mean cheating is excusable because you feel like you are being ignored.
    #3 - If all else fails, then go this route.

    People that cheat don't seem to have the patience to try any of the above, so why should we assume they could be patient with a child. Seriously, how hard is it to wait until you are free from a bad marriage to have sex with someone else?

  10. #60
    Enemy Combatant
    Kandahar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Last Seen
    10-15-13 @ 08:47 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    20,688

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    By internalizing cheating I meant that the child is smart enough to see that one of the parents cheated, and when staying with the cheating parent, the child learns that cheating is okay or even a good thing. When something hurts you for a long time, it becomes a part of you and you become it, and then you will do the same thing as what hurt you initially. This is how people learn to do every bad thing, especially when a custody court orders them into that situation.
    It's difficult for me to see how a child that sees his/her parents' marriage destroyed and his/her own life upended would come to the conclusion that "cheating is a good thing."
    Are you coming to bed?
    I can't. This is important.
    What?
    Someone is WRONG on the internet! -XKCD

Page 6 of 17 FirstFirst ... 4567816 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •