View Poll Results: Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

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  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    9 16.07%
  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    12 21.43%
  • Other.

    35 62.50%
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Thread: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

  1. #31
    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    I find it odd that you restricted your poll to women only, and didn't use the word "parent" instead. May I presume that you do believe that cheating men should be allowed custody, regardless of their infidelity, and the "unfit cheating parent should lose custody" moniker belongs only on the mother?
    I think I made the wrong assumption, that if a man cheats on his wife, then he would be naturally less interested in equal custody. If this assumption doesn't hold, then let's replace the word "woman" with the word "parent".

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    I think I made the wrong assumption, that if a man cheats on his wife, then he would be naturally less interested in equal custody. If this assumption doesn't hold, then let's replace the word "woman" with the word "parent".
    Infidelity is caused by problems in the marriage and/or problems spouses have with each other. It has nothing to do with their love of their children, and their desire to be a good parent, and be prominant in their childrens' lives.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Other. Overall factors should be weighed in who is more fit to raise the child after divorce, everything should go into that from sobriety, to general attention to the child, stability, moral character. It all matters.
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    Educator / Liar Champion ab9924's Avatar
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Infidelity is caused by problems in the marriage and/or problems spouses have with each other. It has nothing to do with their love of their children, and their desire to be a good parent, and be prominant in their childrens' lives.
    Interesting. So, can we separate a child's feelings from the parents' feelings? I would think that if a parent cheats, then the child feels cheated the same way as the other parent. A court that gives equal custody after that, does essentially an abuse on the child, by forcing the child to internalize cheating.

  5. #35
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Infidelity is caused by problems in the marriage and/or problems spouses have with each other. It has nothing to do with their love of their children, and their desire to be a good parent, and be prominant in their childrens' lives.
    What about serial cheaters.
    Not a one time fling, by accident or out of serious emotion, but someone who cheats on their partner multiple times.

    Doesn't that seem to paint a picture of unstable behavior?
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Interesting. So, can we separate a child's feelings from the parents' feelings? I would think that if a parent cheats, then the child feels cheated the same way as the other parent. A court that gives equal custody after that, does essentially an abuse on the child, by forcing the child to internalize cheating.
    This... makes no sense to me. I can understand a child being angry at the breakup of the family... most children of divorce are hurt, scared and angry. I can also understand the child "blaming" the parent he/she believes was the cause of the breakup. However, children do not have the maturity or capacity to understand the underlying dynamics of why a marriage has failed, and the failure of a marriage is not a failure of parenting. Children need and deserve a nurturing relationship with both parents, so joint custody is hardly "abuse"... and it certainly doesn't "force" the child to "internalize cheating". In fact, I don't even know what that means. It simply makes no sense.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Should women be allowed custody of their children after they cheat on their husband, resulting in a divorce, where the husband demands full custody?

    It is best, in a divorce, that the parents come to a mutually acceptible agreement, between themselves, regarding custody before they ever set foot in the courtroom.


    Naturally, this is typically only going to happen if both parents are currently-rational adults operating in a responsible manner.

    Failing that, the judge should consider the needs of the children as paramount, but both parents should have some say and reasonable access to the children, unless one (or more) are abusive or otherwise clearly dangerous.

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Harry Guerrilla View Post
    What about serial cheaters.
    Not a one time fling, by accident or out of serious emotion, but someone who cheats on their partner multiple times.

    Doesn't that seem to paint a picture of unstable behavior?
    Then perhaps I should have said "Infidelity is caused by problems in the marriage and/or problems spouses have with each other, or with their own character issues."

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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    My first ex cheated on me and is still with the man she left me for. She got custody of the kids. I was paying almost $1300/month in child support for 2 kids. I finally got it reduced to $772/month (after 3 years of paying the higher amount). Why I am the one being punished for a decision she decided to make? Another stab in the back is seeing my 12 year old daughter posting videos of herself on the internet on a site where several grown men (perverts) have added her as a friend and probably masturbate to her videos.

    Unfortunately nothing can be done about this. So I pay, but I get no say. I hope she doesn't end up like the girl who committed suicide, but it looks like she is heading down that road. And I can't do a thing about it.
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    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    I agree that she should be able to contest custody. But her rights to do it should be reduced if she cheated in her marriage.
    Why? Being a less-than-stellar wife does not imply that she is not a good mother.
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