View Poll Results: Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

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  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    9 16.07%
  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    12 21.43%
  • Other.

    35 62.50%
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Thread: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

  1. #131
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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by TheGirlNextDoor View Post
    Hey. You and I are perfect, right ChrisL? Right?!
    Of course! Why would anyone question that? Everything I do and say is just PERFECT!

    Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]-71038_252764295609_2219981_n-jpg

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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    The welfare and custody of a child is not determined by who cheated or what happened between the parents. Custody/visitation is determined by each parents ability to raise a child.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
    Stephen R. Covey


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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    No it's not, Bod.

    Do you think I'm a bad person? I'm immoral and unethical and a bad parent?

    I'm not, am I? Even though I cheated on my ex boyfriend with my husband when we met - and my ex boyfriend was even stationed via military duty. (all sorts of evils- put me on ignore I might taint your mind with my wicked ways) Yet somehow I'm a good mother, a good student, and successful at anything I put my mind to. He's a good soldier-considerably so, and he's an incredible father - not only to his two biological children but my children from my previous marriage.

    Our children are fabulous - doing well in school and even handling their father's health issues with a considerable amount of strength.

    Your attempt to vilify anyone who's ever been unfaithful before is narrow minded, to say the least -- and anchored in your own personal issues, no one elses.

    / end discussion
    There are exceptions, of course. Your boyfriend could have been beating you. If he was just stationed away and you got horny and slept with another man before ending your relationship with him?... well, I hate to say it but that makes you an untrustworthy person. Not all cheaters are scum but they are all untrustworthy. I never understood a person who would sleep with a cheater and then trust them not to turn around and cheat on them too. Very strange thinking...

    It really has nothing to do with my personal issues either, to be honest... just looking at this objectively. My argument is not that a cheater can't be a good student or parent... but one that you can never entirely trust. Subconciously or not this also affects the children. If they know that their mom or dad cheated on their other parent and that that parent raising them thinks that it was OK, then that is a lesson that they cannot unlearn.
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    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
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  4. #134
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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Bodhisattva View Post
    There are exceptions, of course. Your boyfriend could have been beating you. If he was just stationed away and you got horny and slept with another man before ending your relationship with him?... well, I hate to say it but that makes you an untrustworthy person. Not all cheaters are scum but they are all untrustworthy. I never understood a person who would sleep with a cheater and then trust them not to turn around and cheat on them too. Very strange thinking...

    It really has nothing to do with my personal issues either, to be honest... just looking at this objectively. My argument is not that a cheater can't be a good student or parent... but one that you can never entirely trust. Subconciously or not this also affects the children. If they know that their mom or dad cheated on their other parent and that that parent raising them thinks that it was OK, then that is a lesson that they cannot unlearn.
    I think that's a good point 'if they know'
    I tried to find stats on 'how many know' or 'find out' and couldn't come across anything substantial. . . and I don't support it becoming some sort of experiment or study, either. . . so I'm without anything solid to refer to.

    Which just comes back around to how everyone responds and exactly what happened and how they deal with it.

    I think it would be accurate to say: for some people divorce for any reasons is bad - very bad . . . and for others it can be a good situation (as is the case of a rocky marriage in which the parent are always fighting, etc)
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  5. #135
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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    I mis-voted. I should have voted "other."

    Women don't have an unconditional right to custody, but I don't think infidelity should be a deciding factor. It doesn't directly affect their parenting ability, it's hard to prove, and a huge percentage of people do cheat. Ruling all of them out as unfit parents is ridiculous.

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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    I think that's a good point 'if they know'
    I tried to find stats on 'how many know' or 'find out' and couldn't come across anything substantial. . . and I don't support it becoming some sort of experiment or study, either. . . so I'm without anything solid to refer to.

    Which just comes back around to how everyone responds and exactly what happened and how they deal with it.

    I think it would be accurate to say: for some people divorce for any reasons is bad - very bad . . . and for others it can be a good situation (as is the case of a rocky marriage in which the parent are always fighting, etc)
    Well, for my ex and I it was great. Our marriage sucked due to her issues so she cheated on me and I ended it. Best thing for my daughters and I, to be honest. My kids don't know what she did and she is the best mom she can be, if I am being fair about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatGuy View Post
    Usually a gag for wise mouthed insulting little girls. Then some good nylon rope so I can tie them up, toss them in the trunk of my car and forget about them.

  7. #137
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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by celticwar17 View Post
    Makes you a bad human being? And usually bad human beings are bad parents? Or it could be that you are weak to commitment... I can come up with MANY reasons.
    No...you really can't. If you want to provide some evidence that cheating on your spouse is correlated with parenting practices that harm a child more than losing a parent does to them, then go right ahead. I'll listen. Until then, I'll just assume you are either incredibly naive about how common cheating is, or ridiculously judgmental.

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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by kerussll View Post
    No...you really can't. If you want to provide some evidence that cheating on your spouse is correlated with parenting practices that harm a child more than losing a parent does to them, then go right ahead. I'll listen. Until then, I'll just assume you are either incredibly naive about how common cheating is, or ridiculously judgmental.
    Who said anything about losing a parent? Primary custody doesn't mean you never see the other parent again. I'm not naive on how common cheating is, i'm very well aware on how many crappy people there are out there. It shows lack of morals, lack of commitment, insecurity, you hurt others, you hurt yourself, you hurt your reputation, increases your chances of a heart attack, you cause extra un-needed stress in the kids, it's illegal, you put your kids in jeopardy for staying in a marriage you shouldn't be, etc, etc

    Does cheating negatively impact on the kids? Yes

    Does cheating mean the parent has no love for those kids? No

    but, it does show you are irresponsible and don't realize how your actions impact your kids and your life.

  9. #139
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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by celticwar17 View Post
    Who said anything about losing a parent? Primary custody doesn't mean you never see the other parent again. I'm not naive on how common cheating is, i'm very well aware on how many crappy people there are out there. It shows lack of morals, lack of commitment, insecurity, you hurt others, you hurt yourself, you hurt your reputation, increases your chances of a heart attack, you cause extra un-needed stress in the kids, it's illegal, you put your kids in jeopardy for staying in a marriage you shouldn't be, etc, etc

    Does cheating negatively impact on the kids? Yes

    Does cheating mean the parent has no love for those kids? No

    but, it does show you are irresponsible and don't realize how your actions impact your kids and your life.
    Giving sole custody to one parent means they get to decide when and if the other parent sees the kids. Ex spouses aren't always interested in making that happen even though it's best for the kids. Even if they get visitation rights, they only get to see their kids, what? Several hours a month? This hurts the kids more than a parent cheating, and more than a divorce. After all, we're interested in doing what's best for the kids and not punishing one parent, right?

    Did you just say that cheating is illegal?? You'll have to elaborate on that.

    FYI, you are not using the word "impact" correctly.

  10. #140
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    Re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by kerussll View Post
    Giving sole custody to one parent means they get to decide when and if the other parent sees the kids. Ex spouses aren't always interested in making that happen even though it's best for the kids. Even if they get visitation rights, they only get to see their kids, what? Several hours a month? This hurts the kids more than a parent cheating, and more than a divorce. After all, we're interested in doing what's best for the kids and not punishing one parent, right?

    Did you just say that cheating is illegal?? You'll have to elaborate on that.

    FYI, you are not using the word "impact" correctly.
    You seem to have no idea how divorce works. One parent can have primary custody, but both parents still share responsibility in trading off the kids. It's up to the court to decide and weigh in ALL the factors. Cheating on the spouse IS a factor... much like everything else.

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