View Poll Results: Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

Voters
56. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    9 16.07%
  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    12 21.43%
  • Other.

    35 62.50%
Page 12 of 17 FirstFirst ... 21011121314 ... LastLast
Results 111 to 120 of 169

Thread: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

  1. #111
    Advisor melons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Last Seen
    12-23-12 @ 09:41 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Conservative
    Posts
    376

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by celticwar17 View Post
    Makes you a bad human being? And usually bad human beings are bad parents? Or it could be that you are weak to commitment... I can come up with MANY reasons.
    I'm of the opinion that the person who spends the most time caring for the children's needs should have custody of the children while the other parent has visitation. In my opinion, the person who took them to birthday parties, to the doctor, trick or treating, attended parent/teacher conferences, gave the baths or the medicine when needed, cooked the dinners, washed the clothes and so on and so forth should be the one who keeps them most of the time. The parent who spends the least time caring for the kids should receive visitation rights. This keeps things somewhat stable for the children during a divorce. Whether a parent cheated or not doesn't really matter. Obviously if they were spending so much time cheating and not caring for the kids ...then it would matter. But they would lose custody because they weren't caring for the children not because they were cheating.

  2. #112
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Last Seen
    07-16-14 @ 01:18 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Moderate
    Posts
    47,571

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    I agree with others that cheating on a spouse does not necessarily make you a bad parent, so I would have to say that it would depend on a lot of other circumstances as well and not simply based on who cheated.

  3. #113
    Sage
    Bodhisattva's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    New Zealand
    Last Seen
    Today @ 07:15 PM
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    64,099

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    Accordign to Science Daily the number of potential cheaters is quite high - 40 to 70% might cheat . .. are 40-70% automatically untrustworthy? According to these statistics - most of us know someone who's cheated during their marriage . . . do you realize if anyone has? 40-70% is 4/10 or 7/10. Well I know more than 10 married couples and I can't envision any of them cheating on their partners.
    I doubt that it is that high in reality. It is like the divorce rate statistics. Half of marriages end in divorce but that is skewed by those that get married and divorced 4 times as opposed to those that stay together for over 50 years like my parents.A cheater probably cheats in multiple relationships skewing the stats just the same while many others never cheat.

    I know people who have cheated and some that I suspect might have and I don't trust them at all. They are scum.

    Such blanket-condemning thought process isn't based on reality -
    Yes it is...

    it's based on the assumption that one singular decision or incident nets that the individual - for their entire life thereafter - is a bad, horrid person. It's just not true. While it might be a bad decision and it might have negative consequences - it doesn't mean the person can't pay the bills on time, can't feed the family, can't take kids to the hospital when they're sick and stay up with them at night. It doesn't mean that one can't do a good job at work - not nipping money out of the till and so on
    I never said that they were bad or horrid. I said that they are a cheater and untrustworthy. It is a simple fact. They cheated on their partner. A person they committed to. That is untrustworthy no matter how you may want to spin it and it is also an act of such magnitude that it does, yes, scar their character for life. That said it is a horrid act and one that makes them scum buckets.

    I don't believe in not giving someone a 2nd chance - or an opportunity to correct their wrongs and amend a bad situation. I don't believe in holding one action against someone in every aspect of their life. People can and do change.
    I didn't say that they can't change and many do change. This doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't trust them. Sorry.

    People shouldn't be defined by just their bad decisions in life. . .which, again, brings us back to it just being circumstantial and based on the situation, how everyone deals with it, and the course of action everyone takes.

    Do you believe your bad decisions should govern everything else about you? I definitely don't - my dad never forgave me for getting pregnant during high school . . . as if I couldn't grow up, mature, and change at all in the last 15 years since then. . . like I'm incapable of doing anything else but ****ing everything that moves (seriously - he said that to my *current* husband - that he thought I had sex with everything that moves. . . my husband defended me quite honorable.)
    I didn't think that we were talking about kids. I thought we were talking about mature adults. We all do stupid things but many are not so calculated as cheating on a supposed partner who gives you complete and utter trust... that is subsequently dumped on.

    So - no one should be condemning anyone except for those directly affected - if it's your co worker and it doesn't involve you then you shouldn't judge them. And if it is direct and personal - then just keep in mind that NOT EVERYONE is like THAT one person.

    Not everyone is like my ex husband - ok?
    My ex-wife cheated on me. She is utter trash. I thought cheaters were this way prior to that though. I cringe every time cheating is done on TV or in a movie. It disgusts me and I condemn every person that cheats. A respectful, mature and trustworthy adult communicates and ends the relationship. My friend got back from England last year and the next day her husband announced he was seeing another woman for some time and he was moving out. Untrustworthy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatGuy View Post
    Usually a gag for wise mouthed insulting little girls. Then some good nylon rope so I can tie them up, toss them in the trunk of my car and forget about them.

  4. #114
    Sage
    Bodhisattva's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    New Zealand
    Last Seen
    Today @ 07:15 PM
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    64,099

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by Incredulous View Post
    So is being a cheater like being an alcoholic? Once one, always one? When does it stop? Should we break out the Scarlet Letters?

    On a related note, I will tell you, I love my child but I wouldn't piss on the other half of her gene pool if he were on fire. The relationships are completely and totally different and CANNOT be compared. How I treat my partner/spouse and my child are not comparable. My child is a part of me.
    No. It isn't like being an alcoholic at all. One is a calculated action and the other is the result of an addictive personality. I am sure that some cheaters are addicted to it but I doubt most are. It stops when people grow the hell up.

    My ex is a pretty good mum but that doesn't mean that her cheating and ****ed up mentality is good for the children. She is selfish, as cheaters are. She keeps them home from school to suit her. She does lots of things that a non-cheater wouldn't, im my opinion. Cheating reflects a personality that is untrustworthy. Just a fact as I see it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatGuy View Post
    Usually a gag for wise mouthed insulting little girls. Then some good nylon rope so I can tie them up, toss them in the trunk of my car and forget about them.

  5. #115
    On Vacation
    joko104's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Last Seen
    Yesterday @ 04:30 AM
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    31,569
    Blog Entries
    2

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    I've been in "civilized modern society" only about 5 years and increasingly it strikes as a collection of bizarre contradictions, plus I am struck by the sleeple-lemming natures of people.

    On the one hand, society is extraordinarily promiscuous now in terms of non-married people and that such values are now acceptable - which they were not in the past. However, "old fashioned" values of marriage still are mostly expected.

    In the past, getting married was gaining the legitimate right to have sex (with one person), while sex outside marriage was considered wrong. Now, unless married a person may sex with anyone provided it is consentual by the social values of most people, BUT all that stops when a person marriage. So marriage used to the the "pro-sex" status in life, when how it is the anti-sex status compared to unmarried life.

    That strikes me as odd.

  6. #116
    Cheese
    Aunt Spiker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sasnakra
    Last Seen
    09-10-16 @ 06:10 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Moderate
    Posts
    28,433

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    No it's not, Bod.

    Do you think I'm a bad person? I'm immoral and unethical and a bad parent?

    I'm not, am I? Even though I cheated on my ex boyfriend with my husband when we met - and my ex boyfriend was even stationed via military duty. (all sorts of evils- put me on ignore I might taint your mind with my wicked ways) Yet somehow I'm a good mother, a good student, and successful at anything I put my mind to. He's a good soldier-considerably so, and he's an incredible father - not only to his two biological children but my children from my previous marriage.

    Our children are fabulous - doing well in school and even handling their father's health issues with a considerable amount of strength.

    Your attempt to vilify anyone who's ever been unfaithful before is narrow minded, to say the least -- and anchored in your own personal issues, no one elses.

    / end discussion
    A screaming comes across the sky.
    It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
    Pynchon - Gravity's Rainbow

  7. #117
    Professor
    sKiTzo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    OC California
    Last Seen
    12-15-17 @ 01:41 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    2,213

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    I put "other" because those things would be looked into and investigated before they made a decision. Cheating on a faithful good husband would be looked differently upon than cheating on a husband that beats her and cheats as well.

  8. #118
    Professor
    sKiTzo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    OC California
    Last Seen
    12-15-17 @ 01:41 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    2,213

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by melons View Post
    I'm of the opinion that the person who spends the most time caring for the children's needs should have custody of the children while the other parent has visitation. In my opinion, the person who took them to birthday parties, to the doctor, trick or treating, attended parent/teacher conferences, gave the baths or the medicine when needed, cooked the dinners, washed the clothes and so on and so forth should be the one who keeps them most of the time. The parent who spends the least time caring for the kids should receive visitation rights. This keeps things somewhat stable for the children during a divorce. Whether a parent cheated or not doesn't really matter. Obviously if they were spending so much time cheating and not caring for the kids ...then it would matter. But they would lose custody because they weren't caring for the children not because they were cheating.
    I'm going to have to disagree there because while the one who did all those things was doing their 50% share of the work, while the other did their 50% share, but got paid for it, thus allowing all parties to survive. Can't cook dinner with no food or kitchen, can't go to PTA with no gas, parties with no presents, and do laundry with no clothes. So, the idea that the one who was out working to make all things possible has less rights than the one who got to stay home and spend more time with the child is invalid, selfish, and wrong, in my opinion. You should be ashamed of yourself.

  9. #119
    Advisor melons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Last Seen
    12-23-12 @ 09:41 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Conservative
    Posts
    376

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by sKiTzo View Post
    I'm going to have to disagree there because while the one who did all those things was doing their 50% share of the work, while the other did their 50% share, but got paid for it, thus allowing all parties to survive. Can't cook dinner with no food or kitchen, can't go to PTA with no gas, parties with no presents, and do laundry with no clothes. So, the idea that the one who was out working to make all things possible has less rights than the one who got to stay home and spend more time with the child is invalid, selfish, and wrong, in my opinion. You should be ashamed of yourself.
    I'm referring to the typical American household where both mom and dad hold down a job. Generally both parents make money but only one provides the largest majority of the day to day care. But even if the mom or dad didn't hold down the job and one stayed home. It is what the kids are used to that bring them the most stability. That is how most judges look at it. It is never what is best for the parents or "right" in the parents minds. It is all about the children, as it should be.
    The Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    Albert Einstein

  10. #120
    Advisor melons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Last Seen
    12-23-12 @ 09:41 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Conservative
    Posts
    376

    re: Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

    Quote Originally Posted by sKiTzo View Post
    I'm going to have to disagree there because while the one who did all those things was doing their 50% share of the work, while the other did their 50% share, but got paid for it, thus allowing all parties to survive. Can't cook dinner with no food or kitchen, can't go to PTA with no gas, parties with no presents, and do laundry with no clothes. So, the idea that the one who was out working to make all things possible has less rights than the one who got to stay home and spend more time with the child is invalid, selfish, and wrong, in my opinion. You should be ashamed of yourself.
    And besides, I worked and raised three kids. You can work and still do all of those things for your children and if you are a parent, you should be from the day they are born. Even if one parent stays home, when the other parent gets home they should want to help with baths, homework, dinner, ball practices, scout meetings, diaper changes, medicine giving, and all the wonderful things that come along with being a parent. If a parent has not done these things for their children in the past, it is not likely they are going to start just because they got a divorce.
    The Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    Albert Einstein

Page 12 of 17 FirstFirst ... 21011121314 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •