Don't just whine! Be specific!
Spare no effort, go all the way, nothing matters more.
Push hard, and assume some balance remains.
Push some, but balance is more important.
What you are is more important than what you made yourself (however big).
Don't just whine! Be specific!
Thank you, Quazi!
Hrm. Some of the responses have surprised me a bit.
I push my children to do the best they can and not to limit themselves. Do I demand they participate in the things they like? Marching band, JROTC, baseball and softball... cross country? Heck no. I don't think I'm "crazy" for supporting my children in doing extracurricular stuff they enjoy. It's a good stress relief for them.. My son also takes guitar lessons and my daughter plays the clarinet, flute and piano. They both do these things because they WANT to... not because I got a hair up my ass and decided to force them to.
I think it's important to encourage kids to explore different things and if they find something they enjoy - then go for it! I didn't have that kind of support as a kid and honestly.... I wish my folks would have done that.
My son needs a firm person to help him in school (he's a sophomore in high school) because if he doesn't have someone telling him that what he's doing now affects things for him in the future, he will do the bare minimum. That's just the reality. My son was also diagnosed with ADHD and fetal alcohol syndrome when he was younger. He was adopted at birth and it wasn't discovered that there were things that weren't quite 'right' until later on. I'm here to tell anyone that has some idea that these things do not exist... you simply haven't lived through it. He has and I've been there with him from the beginning.
My daughter does very well in school (she's a freshman)... a couple of honors classes and is an A student. I don't ride her to do her best and keep at it, she does a fine job of that herself. I encourage her and we have discussions about different things that interest her.
Anyway... I think being a support for your kids while coaxing them to do their very best at whatever they do... there isn't anything wrong with that. If a person is trying to re-live their life through their children and doesn't let them explore things on their own, then that's different.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice....shame on me.
I won't go into ALL of my incessant boasting of my oldest (adopted) daughter. We PUSHED HER HARD - but NEVER to be like either of us - and she is quite different in many ways. She is even voting opposite us in the her first election. Good for her. But her priorities, needs and wants are different than ours.
What we did in "pushing" had to do with 1. development (knowledge, resume, socialization, education), 2.) self reliance, 3.) to grasp reality - including life is not fair and that many aspects of life are competitive etc. Our goal was not to make her a clone nor exactly for her immediately happiness and pleasure. It was so that she would evolve to becoming a diversely capable, focused, capable, ethical and successful-to-her-measure ADULT in life. Very time consuming parenting. But in many ways also relentless. We also are very lucky - because it was only when she got into high school did she really start seeing REAL benefits to HER - and increasingly just thanking us out-of-the-blue.
Too many parents see their job as only keeping their child safe, happy and getting along and them BAM! suddenly all of adult life is thrown on them and the child is lost. She is SOOOO far ahead of nearly all others her age it is amazing to her and everyone around her. The professors at her university now openly recognize that while she is not super-brainy, she just has that special "something" that says things like "leader," "above the others," "going somewhere in life, "capable" and worth spenting time on.
PARENTS - FOREMOST - NEED TO PREPARE THEIR CHILD FOR WHEN THEY BECOME INDEPENDENT ADULTS. If done right, that child will NOT be like you - but well beyond anything you ever were or can ever be. What it mostly takes isn't money. It takes FOCUS and LOTS OF TIME. Every day. Every night.
I say parents need to push themselves, first. "Do as I do, and as I say".
Sure there's a limit, but parenting is one of those things that you do, and then evaluate, based in part on what you had for parenting as a child, and what you've managed to piece together about life in general. There's a fine line to be walked between good parenting, effective parenting, and poor parenting, and I think it's a line that few manage to find really successfully. Kids are all so different that it takes a fine-tuning to do the very best for the child that you can. Very difficult, and very important job.
"God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all things which alter my plans and intentions, and change the course of my life, for better or for worse."
-C G Jung
I would push my kid to achieve 100% of what he/she can achieve. Any less, and you'd be slighting them in life. Any more, and you'd create esteem issues and real issues later in life (overcompetitiveness, judgmentality, etc.).
"Those who do not learn from history and condemned to relive it".
"There are those who will debate the necessity of wilderness, I will not, either you know it in your bones or you are very very old". Aldo Leopold - Sand County Almanac
I'm just trying to get them to remember to brush their teeth every night at this point. 5 and 2. Great times.
"Loyalty only matters when there's a hundred reasons not to be-" Gen. Mattis