View Poll Results: How far would you push your kid to maximize his potential?

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  • Spare no effort, go all the way, nothing matters more.

    0 0%
  • Push hard, and assume some balance remains.

    5 31.25%
  • Push some, but balance is more important.

    9 56.25%
  • What you are is more important than what you made yourself (however big).

    2 12.50%
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Thread: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

  1. #11
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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    Quote Originally Posted by ab9924 View Post
    Thanks ALL for the replies. I have learnt a great deal from them.

    I think I fall squarely into Goshin's last category (the 2nd last paragraph), and MaggieD's objection.

    I am not run by my parents, but by a script that they assembled. The people who execute it (or the script itself) does exactly the booking of every single minute that I have energy to spend awake. It is only my extreme efficiency of differentiating task priorities that allows me to even think about what is peace and not work. I have now progressed from being a person to being a program, something that software application developers write, and I have squarely exited the human world.

    I think I got a first hand understanding of what it is to be a creation of parents, my friends are now at gallactic distances. You all have helped me understand that this is simply the generic parental nature. Maybe I can ask a (cheeky?) piggyback question, is there a good way to research how to get back to the human world and map a way back from planet Zod? It would be nice to have a trick for that. I can't change my environment, but you all have excellent ideas most of the time, I guess I could use a few. Thanks.
    Print out the replies here that "speak to you" and show them to your parents. Ask for a compromise. Be specific!!!!! If your parents are pushing you, and you think they're pushing too hard? It's only because they love you. Start a reasonable dialogue. You might be surprised what you can accomplish.

    Don't just whine! Be specific!
    The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."

  2. #12
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    TheGirlNextDoor's Avatar
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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    Hrm. Some of the responses have surprised me a bit.

    I push my children to do the best they can and not to limit themselves. Do I demand they participate in the things they like? Marching band, JROTC, baseball and softball... cross country? Heck no. I don't think I'm "crazy" for supporting my children in doing extracurricular stuff they enjoy. It's a good stress relief for them.. My son also takes guitar lessons and my daughter plays the clarinet, flute and piano. They both do these things because they WANT to... not because I got a hair up my ass and decided to force them to.

    I think it's important to encourage kids to explore different things and if they find something they enjoy - then go for it! I didn't have that kind of support as a kid and honestly.... I wish my folks would have done that.

    My son needs a firm person to help him in school (he's a sophomore in high school) because if he doesn't have someone telling him that what he's doing now affects things for him in the future, he will do the bare minimum. That's just the reality. My son was also diagnosed with ADHD and fetal alcohol syndrome when he was younger. He was adopted at birth and it wasn't discovered that there were things that weren't quite 'right' until later on. I'm here to tell anyone that has some idea that these things do not exist... you simply haven't lived through it. He has and I've been there with him from the beginning.

    My daughter does very well in school (she's a freshman)... a couple of honors classes and is an A student. I don't ride her to do her best and keep at it, she does a fine job of that herself. I encourage her and we have discussions about different things that interest her.

    Anyway... I think being a support for your kids while coaxing them to do their very best at whatever they do... there isn't anything wrong with that. If a person is trying to re-live their life through their children and doesn't let them explore things on their own, then that's different.

    /shrug
    Fool me once, shame on you.
    Fool me twice....shame on me.

  3. #13
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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    I won't go into ALL of my incessant boasting of my oldest (adopted) daughter. We PUSHED HER HARD - but NEVER to be like either of us - and she is quite different in many ways. She is even voting opposite us in the her first election. Good for her. But her priorities, needs and wants are different than ours.

    What we did in "pushing" had to do with 1. development (knowledge, resume, socialization, education), 2.) self reliance, 3.) to grasp reality - including life is not fair and that many aspects of life are competitive etc. Our goal was not to make her a clone nor exactly for her immediately happiness and pleasure. It was so that she would evolve to becoming a diversely capable, focused, capable, ethical and successful-to-her-measure ADULT in life. Very time consuming parenting. But in many ways also relentless. We also are very lucky - because it was only when she got into high school did she really start seeing REAL benefits to HER - and increasingly just thanking us out-of-the-blue.

    Too many parents see their job as only keeping their child safe, happy and getting along and them BAM! suddenly all of adult life is thrown on them and the child is lost. She is SOOOO far ahead of nearly all others her age it is amazing to her and everyone around her. The professors at her university now openly recognize that while she is not super-brainy, she just has that special "something" that says things like "leader," "above the others," "going somewhere in life, "capable" and worth spenting time on.

    PARENTS - FOREMOST - NEED TO PREPARE THEIR CHILD FOR WHEN THEY BECOME INDEPENDENT ADULTS. If done right, that child will NOT be like you - but well beyond anything you ever were or can ever be. What it mostly takes isn't money. It takes FOCUS and LOTS OF TIME. Every day. Every night.

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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    I say parents need to push themselves, first. "Do as I do, and as I say".

  5. #15
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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    Sure there's a limit, but parenting is one of those things that you do, and then evaluate, based in part on what you had for parenting as a child, and what you've managed to piece together about life in general. There's a fine line to be walked between good parenting, effective parenting, and poor parenting, and I think it's a line that few manage to find really successfully. Kids are all so different that it takes a fine-tuning to do the very best for the child that you can. Very difficult, and very important job.
    "God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my path violently and recklessly, all things which alter my plans and intentions, and change the course of my life, for better or for worse."
    -C G Jung

  6. #16
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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    I would push my kid to achieve 100% of what he/she can achieve. Any less, and you'd be slighting them in life. Any more, and you'd create esteem issues and real issues later in life (overcompetitiveness, judgmentality, etc.).

  7. #17
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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieD View Post
    There's a part of me that believes ADD is parent-nurtured.

    Parents who think "success" is having their children's time taken up with sports, ballet lessons, piano lessons, violin lessons, tap dancing, (insert anything else here), are crazy. As in c.r.a.z.y. What kind of success is that fostering? Flitting from here to there? Keeping up with the Joneses? Good over-the-fence conversation?

    All at the expense of family time, in my opinion. Dad works all day. Mom works all day. "Let's grab a bite at the kitchen counter...here's your cereal. Time to go to soccer practice." Are you kidding me?? This is somehow better than mom, dad and their two kids sitting down at the dinner table and actually, you know, talking??

    When do kids get to play? When do they get to use their imaginations? Play "Weather Girl"? (I always loved playing Weather Girl.) Play school teacher. (I always loved playing school teacher.) Add computer games to that scenerio, and we're raising zombies, for God's sake.

    It's about family, folks. F.a.m.i.l.y.
    ADD is genetic pure and simple. Parents pressuring children can lead to other manifestations of "unusual" behavior but not this. This is a hardwired developmental disability. if you want to talk about it more go over to health care and Autism and we can talk about it.
    "Those who do not learn from history and condemned to relive it".

    "There are those who will debate the necessity of wilderness, I will not, either you know it in your bones or you are very very old". Aldo Leopold - Sand County Almanac

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    Re: Is there a limit to how far a parent should push his/her child?

    I'm just trying to get them to remember to brush their teeth every night at this point. 5 and 2. Great times.
    "Loyalty only matters when there's a hundred reasons not to be-" Gen. Mattis

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