View Poll Results: What's wrong with these people?

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  • Their emotional circuitry is somehow damaged

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Thread: Inability to understand love

  1. #31
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by ecofarm View Post
    Probably on the basis that we only express love to make ourselves feel good. I'm not sure how true that is, but there's something (perhaps a bit nihilist) to it.
    Sometimes expressing love can leave me feeling horrible. Hugging my child who is going through one of his episodes for example because at those times, its all I can do for him.

  2. #32
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by megaprogman View Post
    Sometimes expressing love can leave me feeling horrible. Hugging my child who is going through one of his episodes for example because at those times, its all I can do for him.
    But you know it's the right thing to do and, thus, it satisfies your needs as well.

  3. #33
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by ecofarm View Post
    But you know it's the right thing to do and, thus, it satisfies your needs as well.
    Then you don't know me very well. I don't do it because I believe its the right thing to do. I do it because he needs me and I am the only thing at those moments that keeps him safe. I don't sit there and go "gosh, I better do this or else I will feel bad about myself" I go "crap he might hurt himself!" and I don't really think much more until the episode is over and he has calmed down again.

    Don't ever assume you know my motivations better than I do. I have spent my entire life analyzing myself (I analyze everything) and understanding my inputs, processes, and outputs very well.

  4. #34
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by megaprogman View Post
    Then you don't know me very well. I don't do it because I believe its the right thing to do. I do it because he needs me and I am the only thing at those moments that keeps him safe. I don't sit there and go "gosh, I better do this or else I will feel bad about myself" I go "crap he might hurt himself!" and I don't really think much more until the episode is over and he has calmed down again.

    Don't ever assume you know my motivations better than I do. I have spent my entire life analyzing myself and understanding my inputs, processes, and outputs very well.

    Do you not think that doing so is the right thing to do (perhaps given a lack of options, as you mentioned)?

  5. #35
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by ecofarm View Post
    Do you not think that doing so is the right thing to do (given a lack of options)?
    I ultimately do see it as the right thing to do, but I don't make the attempt to not feel bad about myself or meet my needs, but it is done because the other person needs it. Those two things are entirely separate.

  6. #36
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by megaprogman View Post
    I ultimately do see it as the right thing to do,
    Well, then that's that. The argument that eludes you is this: we do what is right, we love, because we know (perhaps only somewhere deep down inside) that it's the right thing to do and that makes us feel good; it's like walking in the Spirit and the fruit speeds ones pace.

  7. #37
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by ecofarm View Post
    Well, then that's that. The argument that eludes you is this: we do what is right, we love, because we know (perhaps only somewhere deep down inside) that it's the right thing to do and that makes us feel good; it's like walking in the Spirit and the fruit speeds ones pace.
    No, I have just been through the same argument with other people and like them, so I short circuited it a bit to avoid being annoyed, the part you get wrong is the primary motivation. In this scenario, the primary is the need of the other person, not the desire to feel good for a job well down or the desire to avoid shame or guilt.

    Its a fundamental misunderstand by this crowd of what actually motivates people.

  8. #38
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by megaprogman View Post
    Its a reason to the objectivists or the sympathizers of objectivists who believe that any human emotion, including love, is inherently selfish. I simply do not understand why they could some to such a conclusion and I am looking for answers.

    When I first started on this forum, it was a quest to understand conservative thinking. I think I understand it pretty well now, so now I am trying to understand another group of people.
    I think it's a misuse or misunderstanding of the word selfish and that when you love someone, you do because they appeal to you.
    I was discovering that life just simply isn't fair and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.
    —Adam Shepard

  9. #39
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by megaprogman View Post
    No, I have just been through the same argument with other people and like them, so I short circuited it a bit to avoid being annoyed, the part you get wrong is the primary motivation. In this scenario, the primary is the need of the other person, not the desire to feel good for a job well down or the desire to avoid shame or guilt.

    Its a fundamental misunderstand by this crowd of what actually motivates people.

    Whatever, dude. I was just trying to explain where the argument, which baffles you, is coming from. You claimed you had no clue what was going on, and I tried to help. I had no intention of getting into anything personal.

  10. #40
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    Re: Inability to understand love

    Quote Originally Posted by Harry Guerrilla View Post
    I think it's a misuse or misunderstanding of the word selfish and that when you love someone, you do because they appeal to you.
    That's another angle, good point.

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