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Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?

Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?

  • I'm male and find that acceptable.

    Votes: 12 54.5%
  • I'm male and find that unacceptable.

    Votes: 5 22.7%
  • I'm female and find that acceptable.

    Votes: 2 9.1%
  • I'm female and find that unacceptable.

    Votes: 3 13.6%

  • Total voters
    22

Luna Tick

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Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?
 
I think it's fine if by evaluating someone's potential as a spouse means looking at them to see if they can provide for a family. Being able to financially support a family is something crucial to discuss and think about before getting married.
 
Doesn't matter to me what anyone else does, they have to live with the consequences. I would never do anything of the sort.
 
Honestly I think it depends on why they are making that assessment. If it is to determine if their potential mate is planning to be responsible within the relationship, then yes, it is acceptable. If it is just to determine how rich you might get from a divorce or death, or what kind of lifestyle you could live just from what they have/may make, then I think it is unacceptable.
 
Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?

I'm having a hard time coming up with when judging a person's wealth would be acceptable -- or, more importantly, even make any sense.

If you're young getting married, or older and getting married for, maybe, the second time: the more important criterion is, "Do we have the same values about money?" Get mixed up with someone who doesn't, and I can promise you years of tears.

Even Bill Gates was once a poor college student...
 
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Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?

Any and everything is perfectly acceptable in how you evaluate a potential mate. It doesn't matter if it is physical appearance, financial situation,occupation,mental condition, sexual preference, bust size,penis size, hair color, physical health,habits,hobbies, political views, religious views or even race.

I would not refuse to date a poor or rich person,a person of another race. But I might refuse to date a woman if she was flat chested, extremely liberal, extremely religious or a whole bunch of other reasons.
 
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its one of those cases where discrimination is valid. If you are judging someone to be your mate, you should discriminate on the basis of what matters to you. For example, having as former lovers a couple ballerinas, I prefer women with long great legs, and really don't care if they have big hooters. In fact I find too big to be worse than too little but I would never tell Jamesrage that he should go for similar women. Since I was wealthy when I was looking to get married, I really didn't care about a potential wife's income though my wife did end up coming from a prosperous family, the daughter of a Cornell educated CEO.
 
The reason I'm wondering is I've learned the man I'm dating has done a financial background check on me without my knowledge. I would have answered any of his questions if he had asked. I haven't spoken with him since I found out and am trying to make sense of this.
 
The reason I'm wondering is I've learned the man I'm dating has done a financial background check on me without my knowledge. I would have answered any of his questions if he had asked. I haven't spoken with him since I found out and am trying to make sense of this.

maybe he is seeking a possible long term relationship with you and making sure you are not one of these-
 

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Yes. If it is important to you, then by all means use it. I think most will find they are happier with someone that mesh with, but if you are someone that absolutely has to have a certain life style, then go for it.
 
The reason I'm wondering is I've learned the man I'm dating has done a financial background check on me without my knowledge. I would have answered any of his questions if he had asked. I haven't spoken with him since I found out and am trying to make sense of this.

Oooooo! I did that with Tom, too. We've been together 12 years...extremely happily, I might add. We're not married, so it wasn't the "usual" reasons, since I never planned to. But one can tell a great deal about a person by checking their credit....including whether or not they have $30,000 in credit card debt. If they married? That becomes his. IRS liens? His problem as much as his spouse's. I would absolutely not have trusted him/her/you to tell me the truth. It's too big a deal these days. Also, one spouse's bad credit...student loans...credit card balance etc. can prevent both of them from buying a home...getting a mortgage.

I get it now. I might be pissed that he didn't tell me first, because, actually, I think it might be illegal for an individual to check someone's credit without their knowledge. But I'd get over it as it would tell me he's a responsible guy who trusts yet verifies.
 
Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?


The fact of the matter is, for many women their financial future still depends to a large degree on their husband.

I didn't say all; there are many exceptions. But for a lot of women, possibly even the majority, the husband is likely to be the biggest earner and whether she and her children live in poverty or comfort will depend on him.

Reason? Simply that many women put children ahead of career. That's fine: somebody needs to put the children first, by golly (one or the other, I don't care, but it is most often the woman). Many women don't work when their children are small (<5) and many more work only part-time when their children are in school. Even those who work full time often suffer frequent absences from work due to the needs of the children, tend to avoid overtime and business travel and those other extras that have a lot to do with earnings and promotions.

Thus, it is still more commonplace for the man to be the primary financial provider. Therefore, it makes perfect sense for most women to evaluate a mate in part on his ability to provide.

Hopefully that won't be the ONLY thing she's looking at... but having it be one consideration is certainly no worse than criteria we men often filter for (her boobs are too small, she's overweight, she isn't very pretty, etc).
 
The reason I'm wondering is I've learned the man I'm dating has done a financial background check on me without my knowledge. I would have answered any of his questions if he had asked. I haven't spoken with him since I found out and am trying to make sense of this.

How long have you been dating? If it's not in a relationship that's clearly leading to engagement/marriage, that seems pretty paranoid to run a financial background check. Personally, I think that that kind of an invasion of privacy would actually be a bigger problem than the fact that he might care about your money habits. I guess I can understand if he was about to pop the question, to make sure he knows what he's getting himself into...but even then it seems like doing it without your knowledge/permission probably wouldn't be the best way of approaching the situation.

But that's just me. Personally when I'm dating someone I don't really care about her wealth or income, but I would care if she wasn't responsible with money...at least if I was going to marry her.
 
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I would never be with someone just because of their wealth, or dump someone just because of their lack of money.
 
Isn't this how it's always been?

wealth and power are huge aphrodisiacs. Ever seen Henry Kissinger's second wife? Or the hottie Billy Joel was once married to?
 
Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?

it depends - how old is the person and what does their current wealth say about them.
 
Is it acceptable to evaluate a potential mate based on the person's wealth?

It's entirely acceptable to judge a potential mate on any criterion that you think might matter to you.

In general, women are biologically programmed to seek mates who have traits that indicate an ability to protect and provide for them, and any children that may result. These traits certainly include wealth, intelligence, strength, and power.

Men are generally programmed, similarly, to seek out mates who have traits that indicate abilities to bear and care for children.

These are the traits that give the best chance of producing offspring, and having those offspring grow up to produce further offspring; thus these are the traits that are favored by natural selection.
 
How long have you been dating? If it's not in a relationship that's clearly leading to engagement/marriage, that seems pretty paranoid to run a financial background check. Personally, I think that that kind of an invasion of privacy would actually be a bigger problem than the fact that he might care about your money habits. I guess I can understand if he was about to pop the question, to make sure he knows what he's getting himself into...but even then it seems like doing it without your knowledge/permission probably wouldn't be the best way of approaching the situation.

But that's just me. Personally when I'm dating someone I don't really care about her wealth or income, but I would care if she wasn't responsible with money...at least if I was going to marry her.

On the contrary, if I were to ever do a background check on a girl (not that I would), it'd be probably a month or two after I started dating that girl. Better to find out if she's in over her head in debt before I get serious with someone than to get very attached to a girl and then learn that, were I to marry said girl, I'd be marrying into a life of debt driven poverty. Why get attached to the person first?

To address the OP, I voted yes, but I think It's only really acceptable when assessing's someone level of debt rather than level of income, more because I think someone's spending habits are more important than their ability to make money, and more telling of their personality.
 
The reason I'm wondering is I've learned the man I'm dating has done a financial background check on me without my knowledge. I would have answered any of his questions if he had asked. I haven't spoken with him since I found out and am trying to make sense of this.

I would be upset over that..
 
The reason I'm wondering is I've learned the man I'm dating has done a financial background check on me without my knowledge. I would have answered any of his questions if he had asked. I haven't spoken with him since I found out and am trying to make sense of this.

Immediate grounds for telling someone to go where the sun don't shine imo. Main reason being that he did this without even getting permission to do so. This shows to me a tendency to be dishonest.

As to the OP. I don't care how a person handles thier money. Its how they are as a person that matters to me. IE intelligent and kind.
 
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