View Poll Results: Parents: If you had their IDís and passwords, would you/do you logon to your kidsí FB

Voters
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  • Parents: Yes, while they are minors.

    22 70.97%
  • Parents: No, while they are minors.

    2 6.45%
  • Parents: Yes, when they are adults.

    5 16.13%
  • Parents: No, when they are adults.

    10 32.26%
  • Parents: Yes, I creep their FB pages.

    3 9.68%
  • Parents: No, I donít creep their FB pages.

    9 29.03%
  • FaceBook? What's that?

    4 12.90%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: Family, FaceBook and spying.

  1. #1
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    Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I was at dinner a couple weeks ago with a circle of very longtime friends. We hadn't made time for a get-together for a couple of years, so it was a lot of catching up.

    Several times, FaceBook came up with one of the ladies. Her daughters are away in college, the younger girl just last fall. She hates not knowing what is up with them and said that she regularly checks their FB pages. Ok, that's not something I do but beyond that, one of the others kept telling her that she probably couldn't see everything, surely they would have mom blocked. To which she consistently replied, "Oh, yes I can." Finally after much skepticism and telling her she really wouldn't want to know everything, she confessed, "I have their ID and passwords."

    Shock passed through the group. She explained, when they originally signed up as minors, she helped them and kept their information. They just never changed their passwords.

    We were horrified, but swore not to interfere, to which I agree. This is her's to deal with.

    So it's been on my mind. Is it out of line for a parent of adult children?

    These are my questions: Parents, do you/would you logon to your kids' FB pages to spy? While they are minors? When they are adults? Do you creep (my daughter's word) their pages? Are you their "friends" on FB?

    I have many issues with FB, but this one was new to me, so I thought would ask and include the questions about kids and parents "friending".

    Poll to come.

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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I think after a time, parents should not know the password to such an account. We all develop multiple avenues of sharing information as well. While my family and I are rather close with information that floats on Facebook, I do not share everything with the Facebook crowd to begin with. They are friends with me, I am friends with them, we work some of our things together through there (including professional non-profit things), and I keep a somewhat public face (thus polite face) to it rather than let out most of my views, pictures, and so forth. The folks like to know what's up and up in our lives (sometimes of innocent gossip), and we sons and daughters sometimes do the same with them.
    Last edited by Fiddytree; 07-13-11 at 04:42 PM.
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I don't have Facebook, but even if I did, I would never log onto my daughter's page. The thought never even crossed my mind and she's been on it since she was 12 or so. We're very close and if there's something she wants to tell me, she will eventually. There's no need for me to go "creeping". I would need a major, major reason, like life and death type of stuff to do something like that. And I can't even imagine what kind of weirdo does this to their adult children. No offense, but I think your friend has some serious issues.
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I wouldn't use FB to "spy" on my kids. Spying is done without the person's knowledge.

    When they are minors, they'd know I was monitoring their online activities, but after they are adults (or even at some point before) I would stop monitoring their online activities altogether.
    Last edited by Tucker Case; 07-13-11 at 04:44 PM.

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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fiddytree View Post
    I think after a time, parents should not know the password to such an account. We all develop multiple avenues of sharing information as well. While my family and I are rather close with information that floats on Facebook, I do not share everything with the Facebook crowd to begin with. They are friends with me, I am friends with them, we work some of our things together through there, and I keep a somewhat public face (thus polite face) to it rather than let out most of my views, pictures, and so forth. The folks like to know what's up and up in our lives (sometimes of innocent gossip), and we sons and daughters sometimes do the same with them.
    I agree with all that fiddy. I wouldn't have my adult childrens' information, it's not my business. I see the value in having a centralized location, like FB, for family to catch up or keep track, but what I see going on with lots of people, their family and friends, is drama and TMI. I just don't want to be involved in that.

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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    I was at dinner a couple weeks ago with a circle of very longtime friends. We hadn't made time for a get-together for a couple of years, so it was a lot of catching up.

    Several times, FaceBook came up with one of the ladies. Her daughters are away in college, the younger girl just last fall. She hates not knowing what is up with them and said that she regularly checks their FB pages. Ok, that's not something I do but beyond that, one of the others kept telling her that she probably couldn't see everything, surely they would have mom blocked. To which she consistently replied, "Oh, yes I can." Finally after much skepticism and telling her she really wouldn't want to know everything, she confessed, "I have their ID and passwords."

    Shock passed through the group. She explained, when they originally signed up as minors, she helped them and kept their information. They just never changed their passwords.

    We were horrified, but swore not to interfere, to which I agree. This is her's to deal with.

    So it's been on my mind. Is it out of line for a parent of adult children?

    These are my questions: Parents, do you/would you logon to your kids' FB pages to spy? While they are minors? When they are adults? Do you creep (my daughter's word) their pages? Are you their "friends" on FB?

    I have many issues with FB, but this one was new to me, so I thought would ask and include the questions about kids and parents "friending".

    Poll to come.
    I don't blame the mom for doing such a thing. If I were in her position, I'd also have a "I gotta do whatever I can" attitude.

    But I think that the fact that she is so suspicious of them probably means there are trust issues and a trouble relationship between mother and daughter.
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    Bifurcating victory (e.g. winning militarily, losing politically) is a useful salve for defeated armies. The "stab in the back" narrative helped take the sting out of failure for German generals after WWI and their American counterparts after Vietnam.

    All the same, it's nonsense. To paraphrase Vince Lombardi, show me a political loser, and I'll show you a loser.
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I don't have kids, but I would suspect that I would operate under the understanding that privacy is a privilege. That privilege would become available at a certain time (when their mother and I decide). The privilege is maintained so long as s/he doesn't give me a reason to suspect that there are things going on in their life that might result in things I'll be responsible for (assuming they're under 18). The same policy would apply to searching their room.

    Once they leave home and they're on their own dime... I shouldn't have to access.

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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    I agree with all that fiddy. I wouldn't have my adult childrens' information, it's not my business. I see the value in having a centralized location, like FB, for family to catch up or keep track, but what I see going on with lots of people, their family and friends, is drama and TMI. I just don't want to be involved in that.
    That can happen a lot. Then again, I think we try to use good humor and genuine desire to catch up with people, instead of creating drama. My posts that might be TMI are perhaps like, "took a nap, and now I feel like eating a cow the size of texas." followed by a random video of goofiness.
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    On a side note... I just joined Google+ I like it much better.

    I have invites if anyone wants one.

  10. #10
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tucker Case View Post
    I wouldn't use FB to "spy" on my kids. Spying is done without the person's knowledge.

    When they are minors, they'd know I was monitoring their online activities, but after they are adults (or even at some point before) I would stop monitoring their online activities altogether.
    I agree, when they were new to the internet, monitoring is appropriate and they know I was going to, but I gave that up before they were adults.



    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana XV View Post
    I don't have Facebook, but even if I did, I would never log onto my daughter's page. The thought never even crossed my mind and she's been on it since she was 12 or so. We're very close and if there's something she wants to tell me, she will eventually. There's no need for me to go "creeping". I would need a major, major reason, like life and death type of stuff to do something like that. And I can't even imagine what kind of weirdo does this to their adult children. No offense, but I think your friend has some serious issues.
    I know! I was shocked. This is someone I've always admired for their levelheadedness and wisdom. So it really floored me.

    The thought would never have crossed my mind either. Even if I were privy to begin with when they started an FB, I wouldn't have logged on and I'm with you, I don't creep for the same reasons. I don't need to know everything. My parents didn't and I turned out ok.

    No offense taken. I question the reasons behind it too.

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