View Poll Results: Parents: If you had their ID’s and passwords, would you/do you logon to your kids’ FB

Voters
31. You may not vote on this poll
  • Parents: Yes, while they are minors.

    22 70.97%
  • Parents: No, while they are minors.

    2 6.45%
  • Parents: Yes, when they are adults.

    5 16.13%
  • Parents: No, when they are adults.

    10 32.26%
  • Parents: Yes, I creep their FB pages.

    3 9.68%
  • Parents: No, I don’t creep their FB pages.

    9 29.03%
  • FaceBook? What's that?

    4 12.90%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: Family, FaceBook and spying.

  1. #71
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I don't have children. However, I do know that my parents would have never dreamt of accessing my private anything after I became an adult. We were taught, from the time we were teens, that we would be our own persons upon legal adulthood. They prepared us for it, both the rights and responsibilities. Because we were taught this, our parents would have faced our wrath had they invaded (which they wouldn't have, but just 'if') our privacy.

    Given this upbringing, this invasion of privacy is inconceivable to me. There is no excuse for the behavior of the woman in the OP. Quite frankly, if I were good friends with a family in this situation, I would risk my friendship and inform the other adults whose privacy is being violated. To me it is equivalent, or at least nearly so, as anyone else invading privacy in such a manner. In all other cases, I would inform, so I would do so here. I feel it is that clear cut, and that strongly about it, though I do understand anyone who feels differently on that score.

    The interesting point to be made about informing is this: If the young adults don't care, then no harm done and the friendship should survive. But if they do care, then all the more they should be informed.
    You can never be safe from a government that can keep you completely safe from each other and the world. You must choose.

  2. #72
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I'm just left wondering what kind of relationship some parents have built with their children that would justify continuous spying on them and interfering in their lives no matter what age they are. Part of growing up is having the freedom to do so. If we're honest with ourselves, we have to admit that we've learned the most from the mistakes we've made. I've always been of the mind that I can't and shouldn't protect my daughter from making mistakes. It's the only way to really learn about life. No one ever learns anything of value by being coddled, over-protected and prevented from experiencing the world. When the children are young it's easy to do that within a controlled environment, but as they grow up we need to trust that we've done a good job at parenting them and preparing them for each milestone that comes along. That's the whole point of raising them. Giving them the gradual freedom and trust they need to become independent adults.

    I can't prevent life from happening and life includes bad experiences. All I can do is prepare my kid for what's to come and teach her how to protect herself and minimize the damage that comes with actually living life. So far so good. The seeds I've been planting since she was an infant are coming to fruition. It also helps that she's very secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, I will be there to help her pick up whatever pieces need to be picked up. I feel that's always been my role as a parent. To be there to push her out of the nest a little more each year, even giving her good shove at times, while simultaneously being her safety net.

    Spying on her was never an option, nor a necessity.
    "Yes, but are you a Protestant atheist or a Catholic atheist?".- Northern Irish joke

  3. #73
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    My Mother, to this day, will do these kinds of things to me. Maybe that's why I won't.

    My kids came of age during the My Space era. I had them as friends on My Space. Now they are friends on Facebook. I don't snoop, period.
    Quote Originally Posted by Northern Light View Post
    The systems that ensure freedom and liberty are breaking down and fundamentalism is growing. Nobody is righteous anymore.


  4. #74
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kali View Post
    Is it because you are raising them to be socially awkward or that they simply have no interest?
    They have no interest. They have other outlets and the FB/MySpace thing is absurd.
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

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  5. #75
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    Generally speaking the good quite ones are usually the worst.

    I wouldn't spy on my adult children, because they have to take responsibility for their actions, but a minor child, I will be in there.

    Thank whoever I have a son.
    Yes, they can be worse, but in my experience, that happens when their parents have had them under their thumb their whole life. Eventually, they will rebel.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    People need to get back to the idea that when kids are 18, they leave and make their own lives. If they fail they can come back to lick their wounds and try again, but the parent can't be a constant presence in their lives.

    Nature didn't intend it that way.
    Amen! We are supposed to make ourselves obsolete, or nearly so.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    Do you think it is OK for a previously good female child to get drunk on a Friday night and possibly end up pregnant?

    What will that do to her grades and future?

    Mistakes happen.
    No, I don't think that's a wise thing to do. However, I cannot be a constant presence in her life. I can only teach her why it is unwise and hope it sticks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dezaad View Post
    I don't have children. However, I do know that my parents would have never dreamt of accessing my private anything after I became an adult. We were taught, from the time we were teens, that we would be our own persons upon legal adulthood. They prepared us for it, both the rights and responsibilities. Because we were taught this, our parents would have faced our wrath had they invaded (which they wouldn't have, but just 'if') our privacy.

    Given this upbringing, this invasion of privacy is inconceivable to me. There is no excuse for the behavior of the woman in the OP. Quite frankly, if I were good friends with a family in this situation, I would risk my friendship and inform the other adults whose privacy is being violated. To me it is equivalent, or at least nearly so, as anyone else invading privacy in such a manner. In all other cases, I would inform, so I would do so here. I feel it is that clear cut, and that strongly about it, though I do understand anyone who feels differently on that score.

    The interesting point to be made about informing is this: If the young adults don't care, then no harm done and the friendship should survive. But if they do care, then all the more they should be informed.
    I won't inform her girls because this doesn't cross the line I set for intervention into the affairs of my friends. If it was abusive or neglectful, yes, I would risk destroying a friendship. But it isn't.

    The subject came up several times and it was clear, we didn't agree with her. It was unmistakeable without being directly addressed. It was a silent rebuke by the group.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana XV View Post
    I'm just left wondering what kind of relationship some parents have built with their children that would justify continuous spying on them and interfering in their lives no matter what age they are. Part of growing up is having the freedom to do so. If we're honest with ourselves, we have to admit that we've learned the most from the mistakes we've made. I've always been of the mind that I can't and shouldn't protect my daughter from making mistakes. It's the only way to really learn about life. No one ever learns anything of value by being coddled, over-protected and prevented from experiencing the world. When the children are young it's easy to do that within a controlled environment, but as they grow up we need to trust that we've done a good job at parenting them and preparing them for each milestone that comes along. That's the whole point of raising them. Giving them the gradual freedom and trust they need to become independent adults.

    I can't prevent life from happening and life includes bad experiences. All I can do is prepare my kid for what's to come and teach her how to protect herself and minimize the damage that comes with actually living life. So far so good. The seeds I've been planting since she was an infant are coming to fruition. It also helps that she's very secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, I will be there to help her pick up whatever pieces need to be picked up. I feel that's always been my role as a parent. To be there to push her out of the nest a little more each year, even giving her good shove at times, while simultaneously being her safety net.

    Spying on her was never an option, nor a necessity.
    To the bolded text: To attempt to do so, stunts their growth. We can't always be there (and shouldn't), they have to have the tools to cope on their own.

  6. #76
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dezaad View Post
    I don't have children. However, I do know that my parents would have never dreamt of accessing my private anything after I became an adult. We were taught, from the time we were teens, that we would be our own persons upon legal adulthood. They prepared us for it, both the rights and responsibilities. Because we were taught this, our parents would have faced our wrath had they invaded (which they wouldn't have, but just 'if') our privacy.

    Given this upbringing, this invasion of privacy is inconceivable to me. There is no excuse for the behavior of the woman in the OP. Quite frankly, if I were good friends with a family in this situation, I would risk my friendship and inform the other adults whose privacy is being violated. To me it is equivalent, or at least nearly so, as anyone else invading privacy in such a manner. In all other cases, I would inform, so I would do so here. I feel it is that clear cut, and that strongly about it, though I do understand anyone who feels differently on that score.

    The interesting point to be made about informing is this: If the young adults don't care, then no harm done and the friendship should survive. But if they do care, then all the more they should be informed.
    I bet you'd change your passwords, though.

  7. #77
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I think my interpretation of "adult" and other folks' interpretation may be different. An 18 yr old is legally an adult under certain conditions. A 21 yr old is legally considered an adult under all conditions. However, if they live in my house off my income and are dependents on my tax return, then they live by my rules. I've lived a lot of years. I wish I had a nickle for every parent I've heard say, "But they were such good kids!" after hearing their "adult" child has been arrested for joyriding, is in the hospital for alcohol poisoning, was having stomach pumped after ingesting unknown pills at a "candy party", was raped at a frat party (1 in 4 college women report being sexually abused... and sexual abuse is only reported 50% of the time), has died from an illegal fraternity initiation, was arrested for DUI, was arrested after an auto accident involving DUI, was on a slab in the morge after an auto accident involving DUI.

    When I was 21 yrs old, I had a job, a husband, two kids and a mortgage. I'd earned my own money and lived on my own since the age of 18. I was an adult. A 21 yr old still living with parents, never had a job, tossed onto a campus filled with horny peers and never-ending booze is likely to cut loose with this new-found freedom and feeling of adolescent invincibility.

    Parents believe what their children tell them. They like to presume that their own children never lie, and if children do lie it's because of poor parenting. That's crap. Children lie. Good children lie to good parents. It's what children do. I get why we want to pretend that only the children of poor parents get in trouble and run wild. It's a parental protective mechanism to wall off our deepest fears. We pretend that nothing bad will happen to our children, only the children of poor parents. It's a fantasy, people. Bad things happen to good kids with good parents, because even good kids become euphoric and invincible when tempted by peers offering liquor, pills and a good party.

    I've raised five children and stepchildren. I, too, believed my good kids told me the truth... until I caught them sneaking out at night to drink in the park across the street, which apparently they'd been doing for months. After all, I never did bedchecks. Heaven forbid I invade my teens' privacy. As we tightened our awareness, our eyes were opened. My new parental motto: Trust but verify.

    BTW, all my kids now have kids of their own. Some even have grandkids. They are all good parents, and they have all learned the hard way: Good children lie. It's what they do to fit in with adolescent peers. Word to the wise, people. Word to the wise.

  8. #78
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Kids lie because they don't want their parents to judge them or disapprove of their actions. In my opinion, and this may change, all I can do as a parent is teach them about safe sex and the dangers of drugs and alcohol. I can't being looking over their shoulders 24 hours a day to keep them out of trouble. If my kids get killed because they do something stupid, that's on them. Because I will have taught them honestly about sex and drugs. And I will be accepting if they decide to experiment. I did when I was a teen, and I hate hypocrisy and double standards. Therefore, I expect them to try drugs and have sex. I will prepare them for those things the best way I can. What they do with that information by the time they're 18 is up to them.
    “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” -Napoleon

  9. #79
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by evanescence View Post
    Kids lie because they don't want their parents to judge them or disapprove of their actions. In my opinion, and this may change, all I can do as a parent is teach them about safe sex and the dangers of drugs and alcohol. I can't being looking over their shoulders 24 hours a day to keep them out of trouble. If my kids get killed because they do something stupid, that's on them. Because I will have taught them honestly about sex and drugs. And I will be accepting if they decide to experiment. I did when I was a teen, and I hate hypocrisy and double standards. Therefore, I expect them to try drugs and have sex. I will prepare them for those things the best way I can. What they do with that information by the time they're 18 is up to them.

    You need to get over that. I don't want my kid doing half the things I did in my teens and early 20's.

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  10. #80
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    You need to get over that. I don't want my kid doing half the things I did in my teens and early 20's.
    But they will. And if they don't, it will be their decision, not yours.
    “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” -Napoleon

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