View Poll Results: Parents: If you had their IDís and passwords, would you/do you logon to your kidsí FB

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  • Parents: Yes, while they are minors.

    22 70.97%
  • Parents: No, while they are minors.

    2 6.45%
  • Parents: Yes, when they are adults.

    5 16.13%
  • Parents: No, when they are adults.

    10 32.26%
  • Parents: Yes, I creep their FB pages.

    3 9.68%
  • Parents: No, I donít creep their FB pages.

    9 29.03%
  • FaceBook? What's that?

    4 12.90%
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Thread: Family, FaceBook and spying.

  1. #51
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    I do? Well, I'm glad you know me better than I do.

    To be honest, I don't do anything I'm ashamed enough of to feel like I have to censor it.
    I didn't mean to look at specifically you, but you, in general terms, many people who use the service.
    Michael J Petrilli-"Is School Choice Enough?"-A response to the recent timidity of American conservatives toward education reform. https://nationalaffairs.com/publicat...-choice-enough

  2. #52
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    I could see your point if, at any time, these girls had messed up in the past. They haven't though. They are good girls with excellent grades. I've known them almost all their lives. Owing to that, they've earned trust and it should be extended to them. I appreciate your disclaimer as to me.
    I must've missed that part. Okay, if they're good girls with good grades who have never been in serious trouble... then it sounds like Mama's being a little paranoid and nosy and needs to let go a little.

    Every child (in this case I mean "your child" whether young adult or minor) is different. They don't all need the same management methods. Some are ready to fly solo at 18, some aren't.

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  3. #53
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    My kids wouldn't be caught dead on Facebook, any more than I would. So no.
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

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  4. #54
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Minor children living in my house? I'd make certain I had all of their passwords and would regularly monitor their pages. Children in college? Yes, if they're still living at home OR I'm footing their educational/living expenses. College is the time of most danger, when kids are still inexperienced but relatively unchaperoned and reveling in their freedom. However, my children and college kids would be aware that I am monitoring them. I'm not into "gotcha" parenting.

  5. #55
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    I must've missed that part. Okay, if they're good girls with good grades who have never been in serious trouble... then it sounds like Mama's being a little paranoid and nosy and needs to let go a little.

    Every child (in this case I mean "your child" whether young adult or minor) is different. They don't all need the same management methods. Some are ready to fly solo at 18, some aren't.
    I'm sorry, I didn't explicitly state that in the OP, but did so in subsequent replies. My bad. I should have mentioned it in the OP as that fact is a great part of why the group was appalled.

    I agree. They are not one-size-fits all when it comes to rules.

  6. #56
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Minor children living in my house? I'd make certain I had all of their passwords and would regularly monitor their pages. Children in college? Yes, if they're still living at home OR I'm footing their educational/living expenses. College is the time of most danger, when kids are still inexperienced but relatively unchaperoned and reveling in their freedom. However, my children and college kids would be aware that I am monitoring them. I'm not into "gotcha" parenting.
    Even if, and I didn't state this in the OP, they are good kids, good students and haven't been in any serious trouble?

  7. #57
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    Even if, and I didn't state this in the OP, they are good kids, good students and haven't been in any serious trouble?
    Yes. The internet is a dangerous place. If my children or college-age young adults are posting things they do not want a parent to see, then they are posting things they know their parents wouldn't approve of. For example, college kids commonly post sexually-charged photos of themselves (not necessarily nudity), pics of them downing liquor at keggers, that kind of thing. If I'm paying for my child's education, then underage drinking, smoking, snorting drugs and sex-kitten photos (or lists of conquests for males) are not what I'm expecting of them.

    Also, look how many kids have been bullied or threatened via FB, and the parents were clueless until they found them hanging in the closet. Peer pressure of teens and early 20's is explosive, and too many kids feel that if they don't do what their friends do they'll be ostracized. Even good kids who've never been in trouble may do these things, and oblivious parents won't know until it catches up and they do get into trouble. Then the parent looks shell-shocked and says, "But they've never been in trouble" because they ignored the warning signs until they were caught.

    Uh-uh. The kids are good kids because their parents knew when to loosen the leash, and understood when to keep it taunt. When my children are out on their own, that's a whole different ballgame, but while my 18-21 yr old is in college, mommy is watching.
    Last edited by DiAnna; 07-14-11 at 12:30 AM.

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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Minor children living in my house? I'd make certain I had all of their passwords and would regularly monitor their pages. Children in college? Yes, if they're still living at home OR I'm footing their educational/living expenses. College is the time of most danger, when kids are still inexperienced but relatively unchaperoned and reveling in their freedom. However, my children and college kids would be aware that I am monitoring them. I'm not into "gotcha" parenting.
    I would do the same, though I would probably keep my surveillance clandestine, so that I knew that the information I was seeing was relatively candid.

    I'm not into "gotcha" parenting either, so if I found them in material breach of our contract for me to pay for their collage, I would just let them know that I knew about their behavior.

    How I found out is frankly non of their business as they aren't the parent. This isn't a court of law that I am required to provide evidence to prove my claim. If I confirm a child broke our contract, then we both know it occurred.
    Last edited by Jerry; 07-14-11 at 12:44 AM.

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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Yes. The internet is a dangerous place. If my children or college-age young adults are posting things they do not want a parent to see, then they are posting things they know their parents wouldn't approve of. For example, college kids commonly post sexually-charged photos of themselves (not necessarily nudity), pics of them downing liquor at keggers, that kind of thing. If I'm paying for my child's education, then underage drinking, smoking, snorting drugs and sex-kitten photos (or lists of conquests for males) are not what I'm expecting of them.

    Also, look how many kids have been bullied or threatened via FB, and the parents were clueless until they found them hanging in the closet. Peer pressure of teens and early 20's is explosive, and too many kids feel that if they don't do what their friends do they'll be ostracized. Even good kids who've never been in trouble may do these things, and oblivious parents won't know until it catches up and they do get into trouble. Then the parent looks shell-shocked and says, "But they've never been in trouble" because they ignored the warning signs until they were caught.

    Uh-uh. The kids are good kids because their parents knew when to loosen the leash, and understood when to keep it taunt. When my children are out on their own, that's a whole different ballgame, but while my 18-21 yr old is in college, mommy is watching.
    I can't get past the fact they are adults. Yes, as you might be paying for their education, you demand results, so if the grades don't come through, you deal with that. I agreed with Goshin to the point that not all kids are ready to fly solo, but good kids who have not been in trouble have earned trust. If you start out having all their passwords and logons, then they won't be posting any of that anyway and you've forced them to sneak about. Yes, it's good no sexually or dumb drinking pics are not being posted there, but it doesn't mean it isn't happening. You just can't see it.

    I respect your point of view about internet bullying, and this reply, but good, open communication with our kids, minor and adult, will go farther than spying on them, although I do support monitoring for minors.

  10. #60
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I'm willing to accept that maybe I'm just weird, but... college as a "time of most danger?" Seriously?

    A college kid living on campus is nearly as protected from reality as a high schooler. The only difference is the guardians don't literally live IN the building... they're just constantly patrolling it.

    When I was 18 I left to travel for 3 straight years. Alone. I'm not going to pretend it was no big deal. And while, before I actually left, I would tell people to go for it when they told me they "wished they were doing the same," I don't say that anymore. It is NOT for everyone. It IS dangerous. Really dangerous. "Almost killed me several times" dangerous. I think I'm the sort of person who needed to dive into things like that, but not everyone is.

    My friends in college still don't know how to pay an electric bill. They don't know how to book a flight, set up a doctor's visit, and some of them don't even know how to use a washing machine.

    Seriously?

    College is "childhood part deux" unless you live independently off-campus. Relax.
    Last edited by SmokeAndMirrors; 07-14-11 at 01:16 AM.

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