View Poll Results: Parents: If you had their IDís and passwords, would you/do you logon to your kidsí FB

Voters
31. You may not vote on this poll
  • Parents: Yes, while they are minors.

    22 70.97%
  • Parents: No, while they are minors.

    2 6.45%
  • Parents: Yes, when they are adults.

    5 16.13%
  • Parents: No, when they are adults.

    10 32.26%
  • Parents: Yes, I creep their FB pages.

    3 9.68%
  • Parents: No, I donít creep their FB pages.

    9 29.03%
  • FaceBook? What's that?

    4 12.90%
Multiple Choice Poll.
Page 5 of 12 FirstFirst ... 34567 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 111

Thread: Family, FaceBook and spying.

  1. #41
    Matthew 16:3

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Everywhere and nowhere
    Last Seen
    06-24-17 @ 05:05 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Progressive
    Posts
    45,603

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I just realized that I'm almost 34 and my mother has the password to my facebook account because she plays that absurdly stupid game Farmville on it. She could theoretically be spying on me even now.

  2. #42
    Sage
    Infinite Chaos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Last Seen
    11-19-17 @ 06:45 PM
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    14,858

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tucker Case View Post
    I just realized that I'm almost 34 and my mother has the password to my facebook account because she plays that absurdly stupid game Farmville on it. She could theoretically be spying on me even now.
    Hello son, bet you didn't know I was on DP too...

  3. #43
    Global Moderator
    The Hammer of Chaos
    Goshin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Dixie
    Last Seen
    Today @ 04:54 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    44,159

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    I was at dinner a couple weeks ago with a circle of very longtime friends. We hadn't made time for a get-together for a couple of years, so it was a lot of catching up.

    Several times, FaceBook came up with one of the ladies. Her daughters are away in college, the younger girl just last fall. She hates not knowing what is up with them and said that she regularly checks their FB pages. Ok, that's not something I do but beyond that, one of the others kept telling her that she probably couldn't see everything, surely they would have mom blocked. To which she consistently replied, "Oh, yes I can." Finally after much skepticism and telling her she really wouldn't want to know everything, she confessed, "I have their ID and passwords."

    Shock passed through the group. She explained, when they originally signed up as minors, she helped them and kept their information. They just never changed their passwords.

    We were horrified, but swore not to interfere, to which I agree. This is her's to deal with.

    So it's been on my mind. Is it out of line for a parent of adult children?

    These are my questions: Parents, do you/would you logon to your kids' FB pages to spy? While they are minors? When they are adults? Do you creep (my daughter's word) their pages? Are you their "friends" on FB?

    I have many issues with FB, but this one was new to me, so I thought would ask and include the questions about kids and parents "friending".

    Poll to come.

    If Mommy and Daddy are paying any significant part of their college tuition or personal upkeep, they remain dependent and have no more right to privacy than if they lived at home, which in my opinion is "whatever privacy I let you have, probably very little." Hell yeah, I'd keep up with them... if I'm paying part or all of their way, I'd like to know they're spending more time studying than partying.

    People blow my minds. Most of the time they call college students "kids" and act protective of them, call them "oh my babies!" and want to coddle them like toddlers.... even though legally they're adults, able to join the military, contract, or marry at will. But then something like this comes up, where they suddenly act like their kids are adults and act horrified at the notion of spying on them, as if they were spying on adult strangers. ( I don't mean you specifically Gina, I'm thinking of certain other people when I say that...)

    Well, like I said... if you're paying your own way, good on you, do yo' thing. If Mommy and Daddy are paying a substantial part of your college/upkeep, guess what... you're their dependent still, and they're investing in you, trying to give you a head start in life... if they spy on you a little to see whether you're working hard at college or partying and blowing their money, well that's the price you pay for still being dependent.

    Could this be taken to an extreme? Sure, there are parents who try to micro-manage adult children beyond anything reasonable. Is FB "spying" automatically unreasonable? Nope... don't put anything online you would'nt put out there in public, because it is out there in public.
    Last edited by Goshin; 07-13-11 at 06:45 PM.

    Fiddling While Rome Burns
    ISIS: Carthago Delenda Est
    "I used to roll the dice; see the fear in my enemies' eyes... listen as the crowd would sing, 'now the old king is dead, Long Live the King.'.."

  4. #44
    Global Moderator
    Moderator

    Gina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Last Seen
    Today @ 12:54 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    31,918

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by SlackMaster View Post
    It's got some good features even for people without kids. I don't have kids and I use it.

    It will block spam, adware, phishing sites, etc. It also speeds up your internet because you're bypassing your ISP (typically) crappy DNS servers.

    You can also setup shortcuts so that when you type "DB" into the address bar it will know to reroute to http://www.debatepolitics.com. Not really "needed" but kind of handy.

    You can even make your own custom error pages so that when someone goes to the blocked site you can display something like:



    Back on topic though...

    Did you ask your friend if she'd given any thought to how her kid would react if they found out she was snooping? Is she prepared for that or does she just feel that she'll never get caught?
    Thanks again! Cool info!

    No I didn't ask, because I'm spineless in these matters. I was surprised though that the more forceful ladies didn't go there either. I guess we're just too polite? I would be curious as to how she would answer those questions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Infinite Chaos View Post
    Good question.

    My two eldest came to live with me aged 10 and 7 after their first years at my ex-wife's house. She monitored everything when they were there. If I called them she would put the phone on speaker so she could listen in, she used to sometimes forget and answer a question for them if I asked how they were doing.

    They've lived with me 2 years now and they have their own log-in accounts on my computer. They have FB and they "friended" me but I also asked that they friend their mother so they could keep another avenue of contact open. I certainly don't "creep" their pages and I don't monitor their use unless they call me to show me something they think is funny.

    I have too many recollections of how hurt and angry I was that my calls and conversations with them were monitored to do that to them. I don't think I want to show my ex that I could rise above doing what she did, but there may be (human emotion) an element.

    They are still very young and they used to ask me for technical advice in setting stuff up, my eldest however is at a specialist maths and IT school and will be taking his GCSE maths and GCSE IT exams next June ( most kids do these at 16) and he's now way beyond me for IT skills so I wouldn't be able to do things behind his back anyway.

    I don't know if I'd feel any different with my daughter (she's by my partner) and she's still at the "look what I did in my nappy" stage so this kind of thing is a long way off. I know I feel differently about her online safety and general safety than i do about the boys but I also know they are deeply protective of her.

    I really hope I can handle her independence as well as I hope I have managed my son's..
    Wow, I understand and agree, that was a violation of your privacy as well as your kids. Very unfair of her.

    Those same kinds of violations of my privacy, as a teen, caused me to be respectful of my kids and their privacy.

    Yeah, girls are different. We instinctively want to protect them more than boys. You've done a great job with your sons, so surely you will with your daughter.

  5. #45
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    United States
    Last Seen
    01-21-16 @ 12:21 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    51,124

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tucker Case View Post
    I just realized that I'm almost 34 and my mother has the password to my facebook account because she plays that absurdly stupid game Farmville on it. She could theoretically be spying on me even now.
    Aren't you HORRIFIED!?1!

  6. #46
    Global Moderator
    Moderator

    Gina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Last Seen
    Today @ 12:54 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    31,918

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    If Mommy and Daddy are paying any significant part of their college tuition or personal upkeep, they remain dependent and have no more right to privacy than if they lived at home, which in my opinion is "whatever privacy I let you have, probably very little." Hell yeah, I'd keep up with them... if I'm paying part or all of their way, I'd like to know they're spending more time studying than partying.

    People blow my minds. Most of the time they call college students "kids" and act protective of them, call them "oh my babies!" and want to coddle them like toddlers.... even though legally they're adults, able to join the military, contract, or marry at will. But then something like this comes up, where they suddenly act like their kids are adults and act horrified at the notion of spying on them, as if they were spying on adult strangers. ( I don't mean you specifically Gina, I'm thinking of certain other people when I say that...)

    Well, like I said... if you're paying your own way, good on you, do yo' thing. If Mommy and Daddy are paying a substantial part of your college/upkeep, guess what... you're their dependent still, and they're investing in you, trying to give you a head start in life... if they spy on you a little to see whether you're working hard at college or partying and blowing their money, well that's the price you pay for still being dependent.

    Could this be taken to an extreme? Sure, there are parents who try to micro-manage adult children beyond anything reasonable. Is FB "spying" automatically unreasonable? Nope... don't put anything online you would'nt put out there in public, because it is out there in public.
    I could see your point if, at any time, these girls had messed up in the past. They haven't though. They are good girls with excellent grades. I've known them almost all their lives. Owing to that, they've earned trust and it should be extended to them. I appreciate your disclaimer as to me.

  7. #47
    Sage
    SmokeAndMirrors's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    RVA
    Last Seen
    Today @ 08:19 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    18,160

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I think that's pretty disgusting. I don't think there's any justification for spying on your adult children like that. If the parents are helping pay their way... why does it matter what they're doing if they're performing well in school? They're adults. If they want to get smashed on the Friday night after midterms, who cares? If they aren't getting the grades, it's not like you won't hear about it from the college.

    And besides, if she were being truly supportive of her kids, they probably wouldn't try to exclude her from her online life anyway. I have my dad friend'ed on Facebook. I don't censor myself at all. I don't worry about it. My dad has full access to my wall and profile, like any of my other friends do. I have pictures of me at pub crawls on the other side of the planet on my Facebook. I'm an adult, and my dad treats me like one. Thus I have no problem with him being my friend on Facebook with full permissions.

    I had my cousin's mother (aunt-in-law I guess) friend'ed on my Facebook until I saw her post a Facebook status about doing exactly what this woman was doing - spying on her son and then going on a rant about how he had no right to talk back when she screamed at him for swearing on his Facebook (he's an adult). I unfriend'ed her immediately. That's disgusting.

  8. #48
    Angry Former GOP Voter
    Fiddytree's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Last Seen
    Today @ 03:43 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Centrist
    Posts
    25,691

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    I think that's pretty disgusting. I don't think there's any justification for spying on your adult children like that. If the parents are helping pay their way... why does it matter what they're doing if they're performing well in school? They're adults. If they want to get smashed on the Friday night after midterms, who cares? If they aren't getting the grades, it's not like you won't hear about it from the college.

    And besides, if she were being truly supportive of her kids, they probably wouldn't try to exclude her from her online life anyway. I have my dad friend'ed on Facebook. I don't censor myself at all. I don't worry about it. My dad has full access to my wall and profile, like any of my other friends do. I have pictures of me at pub crawls on the other side of the planet on my Facebook. I'm an adult, and my dad treats me like one. Thus I have no problem with him being my friend on Facebook with full permissions.

    I had my cousin's mother (aunt-in-law I guess) friend'ed on my Facebook until I saw her post a Facebook status about doing exactly what this woman was doing - spying on her son and then going on a rant about how he had no right to talk back when she screamed at him for swearing on his Facebook (he's an adult). I unfriend'ed her immediately. That's disgusting.
    Until the lists really come along, you do feel pressure to censor yourself on there, to put a public face on it. I accepted that anyhow.
    Michael J Petrilli-"Is School Choice Enough?"-A response to the recent timidity of American conservatives toward education reform. https://nationalaffairs.com/publicat...-choice-enough

  9. #49
    Global Moderator
    Moderator

    Gina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Last Seen
    Today @ 12:54 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    31,918

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    I think that's pretty disgusting. I don't think there's any justification for spying on your adult children like that. If the parents are helping pay their way... why does it matter what they're doing if they're performing well in school? They're adults. If they want to get smashed on the Friday night after midterms, who cares? If they aren't getting the grades, it's not like you won't hear about it from the college.

    And besides, if she were being truly supportive of her kids, they probably wouldn't try to exclude her from her online life anyway. I have my dad friend'ed on Facebook. I don't censor myself at all. I don't worry about it. My dad has full access to my wall and profile, like any of my other friends do. I have pictures of me at pub crawls on the other side of the planet on my Facebook. I'm an adult, and my dad treats me like one. Thus I have no problem with him being my friend on Facebook with full permissions.

    I had my cousin's mother (aunt-in-law I guess) friend'ed on my Facebook until I saw her post a Facebook status about doing exactly what this woman was doing - spying on her son and then going on a rant about how he had no right to talk back when she screamed at him for swearing on his Facebook (he's an adult). I unfriend'ed her immediately. That's disgusting.
    That's just it, if she finds something she objects to, does she have the right to complain? I don't think so, so why look in the first place?

    I agree with you, as long as the grades are good, there should be no issue.

  10. #50
    Sage
    SmokeAndMirrors's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    RVA
    Last Seen
    Today @ 08:19 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    18,160

    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fiddytree View Post
    Until the lists really come along, you do feel pressure to censor yourself on there, to put a public face on it. I accepted that anyhow.
    I do? Well, I'm glad you know me better than I do.

    To be honest, I don't do anything I'm ashamed enough of to feel like I have to censor it.

Page 5 of 12 FirstFirst ... 34567 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •