View Poll Results: Parents: If you had their IDís and passwords, would you/do you logon to your kidsí FB

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  • Parents: Yes, while they are minors.

    22 70.97%
  • Parents: No, while they are minors.

    2 6.45%
  • Parents: Yes, when they are adults.

    5 16.13%
  • Parents: No, when they are adults.

    10 32.26%
  • Parents: Yes, I creep their FB pages.

    3 9.68%
  • Parents: No, I donít creep their FB pages.

    9 29.03%
  • FaceBook? What's that?

    4 12.90%
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Thread: Family, FaceBook and spying.

  1. #91
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    I still can't drink red wine. It's been ruined forever for me.
    Yeah, mine learned her lesson in a similar way too.

    I find that what's actually happening is that my dad and I are getting to equal terms a lot faster than most kids and parents do. We're moving towards the "friends" sort of relationship, while most of my peers still think of their parents as an authority figure to be avoided and lied to.
    That's what I feel is happening with my daughter as well. More and more we're starting to relate to each other as friends even though she's only 16 years old. She's a lot more mature and grounded than any of her friends and the times where she still needs me to be "mommy" are getting few and far between.

    If I sound like your kid... then I apologize on his behalf. As hunky dory as the above sounds, I am still, and will always be, a giant pain in the ass.
    LOL, nah she's a good kid. She's giving her father a lot more trouble and I think that's due to his different parenting style.
    "Yes, but are you a Protestant atheist or a Catholic atheist?".- Northern Irish joke

  2. #92
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post


    I won't inform her girls because this doesn't cross the line I set for intervention into the affairs of my friends. If it was abusive or neglectful, yes, I would risk destroying a friendship. But it isn't.

    The subject came up several times and it was clear, we didn't agree with her. It was unmistakeable without being directly addressed. It was a silent rebuke by the group.
    .
    Well I do understand, and respect your decision. But I do disagree and think it is at the very least mildly abusive. I would want to be told.
    You can never be safe from a government that can keep you completely safe from each other and the world. You must choose.

  3. #93
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Minor children living in my house? I'd make certain I had all of their passwords and would regularly monitor their pages. Children in college? Yes, if they're still living at home OR I'm footing their educational/living expenses. College is the time of most danger, when kids are still inexperienced but relatively unchaperoned and reveling in their freedom. However, my children and college kids would be aware that I am monitoring them. I'm not into "gotcha" parenting.
    If I was an adult child of yours I would simply change my password, no matter what the situation. If that meant some kind of rift with you along with other consequences, I would be ok with that.
    You can never be safe from a government that can keep you completely safe from each other and the world. You must choose.

  4. #94
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana XV View Post
    That's what I feel is happening with my daughter as well. More and more we're starting to relate to each other as friends even though she's only 16 years old. She's a lot more mature and grounded than any of her friends and the times where she still needs me to be "mommy" are getting few and far between.
    Exactly. All that changes is WHAT you talk about, and HOW you talk. I wouldn't worry too much that she'll just forget about you, as it were. I don't think there's ever been a point in my post-18 life when I didn't talk to my dad several times a week, even when I was on the opposite side of the planet (which accounts for the majority of my life since I left high school). It's probably 80% of what I use Skype for. We mostly talk about... politics, actually.
    Last edited by SmokeAndMirrors; 07-15-11 at 10:37 AM.

  5. #95
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    I think my interpretation of "adult" and other folks' interpretation may be different. An 18 yr old is legally an adult under certain conditions. A 21 yr old is legally considered an adult under all conditions. However, if they live in my house off my income and are dependents on my tax return, then they live by my rules. I've lived a lot of years. I wish I had a nickle for every parent I've heard say, "But they were such good kids!" after hearing their "adult" child has been arrested for joyriding, is in the hospital for alcohol poisoning, was having stomach pumped after ingesting unknown pills at a "candy party", was raped at a frat party (1 in 4 college women report being sexually abused... and sexual abuse is only reported 50% of the time), has died from an illegal fraternity initiation, was arrested for DUI, was arrested after an auto accident involving DUI, was on a slab in the morge after an auto accident involving DUI.

    When I was 21 yrs old, I had a job, a husband, two kids and a mortgage. I'd earned my own money and lived on my own since the age of 18. I was an adult. A 21 yr old still living with parents, never had a job, tossed onto a campus filled with horny peers and never-ending booze is likely to cut loose with this new-found freedom and feeling of adolescent invincibility.

    Parents believe what their children tell them. They like to presume that their own children never lie, and if children do lie it's because of poor parenting. That's crap. Children lie. Good children lie to good parents. It's what children do. I get why we want to pretend that only the children of poor parents get in trouble and run wild. It's a parental protective mechanism to wall off our deepest fears. We pretend that nothing bad will happen to our children, only the children of poor parents. It's a fantasy, people. Bad things happen to good kids with good parents, because even good kids become euphoric and invincible when tempted by peers offering liquor, pills and a good party.

    I've raised five children and stepchildren. I, too, believed my good kids told me the truth... until I caught them sneaking out at night to drink in the park across the street, which apparently they'd been doing for months. After all, I never did bedchecks. Heaven forbid I invade my teens' privacy. As we tightened our awareness, our eyes were opened. My new parental motto: Trust but verify.

    BTW, all my kids now have kids of their own. Some even have grandkids. They are all good parents, and they have all learned the hard way: Good children lie. It's what they do to fit in with adolescent peers. Word to the wise, people. Word to the wise.
    Doing stupid things that you want to lie about is a natural part of growing up - and being a young adult. The difference between being a teen and an adult, however, is that you fully own the stupid as an adult. At least it is supposed to be. Thereby, young adults learn very quickly how right their parents are.

    At 17, I did think my parents were stupid. At 21 I again thought they were among the smartest people on the planet. I'm more nuanced, now, of course.
    You can never be safe from a government that can keep you completely safe from each other and the world. You must choose.

  6. #96
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    I would not let my child on facebook, until I felt they were mature enough to understand that it's crap.

  7. #97
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Microsoft has a good product.
    Windows Live Family Safety 2011

  8. #98
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    No, I am not forcing them to post material they are ashamed of allowing me to see somewhere else. They are choosing to post material they are ashamed of allowing me to see somewhere else.

    This is where we differ. You ignore the fact that the kids are posting inappropriate, non-parent approved items, and still call them "good kids"; rather you blame the parents for "forcing" them to post elsewhere. You keep referring to these kids as adults, but refuse to assign them responsibility for their own choices and their own behavior. Where, exactly, is the responsibility of these kids to live up to parental expectation, or to accept the consequence if they choose not to? As I've said before, kids lie. By posting inappropriate materials out of parents' view, kids are basically lying to their parents about what they are doing on the internet.

    By the way, a rather resent the word "spying" on them. As I said up front, my children would be well aware of my internet monitoring activities. Spying infers I am doing something underhanded, without their knowledge. That would not be the case.
    DiAnna, in none of my postings do I ever mean to offend anyone. I'm only defending my position, not attacking anyone or their parenting style. I used the word spying in the title of the thread and have tried to be consistent in using it as that is the topic I wished to address.

    As to "forcing" them. If they know you have access, in order not to be caught doing something you disapprove of, they will be forced to either not ever post racy content or, to hide it somewhere else. If they are going to do it, they will and we don't have control over that. At some point we have to trust we've raised them well enough and let them go. We can't be there, nor should we, to protect them every minute, especially once they are adults. Yes, some kids will need greater oversight, but in general, if we've cnsistently taught them the downside to this activity, we need to trust it took. If it didn't, then they'll be forced then to deal with the outcome.

    As you said in earlier posts, "kids lie", even good kids to good parents.

  9. #99
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kal'Stang View Post
    When my kids become adults I won't sneak around finding out what they are doing. They're adults and as such should be accorded the respect of an adult.

    As minors however I have the right and the obligation to go through anything of thiers that I think needs to be gone through in order to secure thier safety. While they may have the right to privacy from anyone that is not family they certainly do not have that right from me or my wife.
    *NOTE: I messed up my response to my own poll. I voted "No, not when they are minors". It should have been yes. I do agree with monitoring minors and more specifically with your reply Kal. All of it. When they are adults, we need to let them go.

  10. #100
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    Re: Family, FaceBook and spying.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant Noodle View Post
    My kid wouldnt have ANY access to the internet unless she/he was in front of me. Not till she was 18.
    I disagree in that we need to teach them how to cope. In their teen years, they should be given some autonomy, but we certainly should verify and monitor. Otherwise they don't learn how to do it on their own.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dezaad View Post
    Well I do understand, and respect your decision. But I do disagree and think it is at the very least mildly abusive. I would want to be told.
    We agree to disagree.

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