View Poll Results: Do you have children?

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  • Female: I have kid(s)/ I want kid(s)

    6 9.38%
  • Female: I don't want children

    2 3.13%
  • Male: I have kid(s)/ I want kid(s)

    30 46.88%
  • Male: I don't want children

    19 29.69%
  • other

    7 10.94%
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Thread: Do you want children?

  1. #101
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    Re: Do you want children?

    Quote Originally Posted by samsmart View Post
    I don't currently have any kids, and I'm not currently planning to have any.

    I'm not married and at this moment not really dating. And I absolutely refuse to bring another life into this world until I'm sure me and my significant other are stable enough to provide for the child what he or her needs.

    Until then, I'm not going to angst over the fact that I'm not in that position.
    First, bravo for being conscientious about it.

    Second, can I just say I love your sig?

  2. #102
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    Re: Do you want children?

    It could be a denial that you truly do not lack those needs, but rather don't realize you have them yet. I'm not saying this is true in your case, but it was in mine. I've made all of the same arguments you've made in this forum on this particular subject. And yet after an unexpected pregnancy, I felt different. Most people in your position likely do change on that subject. But really, how do I know what he meant?
    “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” -Napoleon

  3. #103
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    Re: Do you want children?

    Quote Originally Posted by evanescence View Post
    It could be a denial that you truly do not lack those needs, but rather don't realize you have them yet. I'm not saying this is true in your case, but it was in mine. I've made all of the same arguments you've made in this forum on this particular subject. And yet after an unexpected pregnancy, I felt different. Most people in your position likely do change on that subject. But really, how do I know what he meant?
    Arm-chair psychology, eh? Or maybe, just maybe, I have different needs than you?

    Lots of people DON'T change their mind. And even lots of people who LIKE kids and WANT kids and HAVE kids hated pregnancy, and viewed it as an uncomfortable sacrifice to obtain a desirable end-result. I've read accounts of loving mothers on this very site who described pregnancy as feeling like there was a parasitic alien inside them.

    And that's exactly it. You feel however you feel about it. I'm not you, I don't get how you feel, and I don't have to. Because that's your deal, not mine. I'm not about to tell you that you just "don't know yourself." I'm going to take your word for it.

    Why can't you afford me the same courtesy? And please don't make me arm-chair psychoanalyze some of things you've said about raising kids, because it really does make it seem like you may fit into the category I described earlier.

  4. #104
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    Re: Do you want children?

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    Arm-chair psychology, eh? Or maybe, just maybe, I have different needs than you?

    Lots of people DON'T change their mind. And even lots of people who LIKE kids and WANT kids and HAVE kids hated pregnancy, and viewed it as an uncomfortable sacrifice to obtain a desirable end-result. I've read accounts of loving mothers on this very site who described pregnancy as feeling like there was a parasitic alien inside them.

    And that's exactly it. You feel however you feel about it. I'm not you, I don't get how you feel, and I don't have to. Because that's your deal, not mine. I'm not about to tell you that you just "don't know yourself." I'm going to take your word for it.

    Why can't you afford me the same courtesy? And please don't make me arm-chair psychoanalyze some of things you've said about raising kids, because it really does make it seem like you may fit into the category I described earlier.
    Calm down. I never said you had the same needs as me. Never even implied it. See?
    Quote Originally Posted by evanescence View Post
    It could be a denial that you truly do not lack those needs, but rather don't realize you have them yet. I'm not saying this is true in your case, but it was in mine. I've made all of the same arguments you've made in this forum on this particular subject. And yet after an unexpected pregnancy, I felt different. Most people in your position likely do change on that subject. But really, how do I know what he meant?
    You asked about JohnWOlin's post, remember?

    And pregnancy sort of is like having a parasite inside. It's often uncomfortable and inconvenient. I am well aware. But it is also an amazing experience in many ways, but I wont bore you with those unwanted details. I can see this subject offends you.
    “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” -Napoleon

  5. #105
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    Re: Do you want children?

    That is very clear double-speak. "I'm not saying YOU are a selfish jerk, I'm just saying you probably are." "I'm not saying YOU don't know yourself, but since I changed my mind that means you will too." Please.

    I hear this kind of crap all the time, and it's always the same.

  6. #106
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    Re: Do you want children?

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    What if someone has things they'd rather be doing in life? Is pumping out kids the only way you see for people to contribute? How about the considerable trouble and cost of other types of great contribution? Because most of the time, that's why the childfree don't have kids - because it takes away from the time they have to dedicate to doing other things.
    that is correct - they don't have kids because it would take time and resources away from other things. but those other things are usually centered around themselves. they are unwilling for their lives to cease being centered around themselves and become centered around someone else. I'm sure you can come up with an outlier or two - but the "I can't have kids because I'm too busy trying to cure cancer" ranks are fairly thin. And yes, every time you lower the birthrate, you lower the birthrate. the numbers do not care why you do it.

    They do? I guess that's why nursing homes are springing up left and right, eh?
    sort of - the rise of nursing homes is more a result of increased wealth in the American population.

    Bringing another human being into the world with the automatic expectation of how they will spend the most productive years of their life is not only selfish, but it's a great way for you to wind up screwed by not planning around the fact that maybe, just maybe, they have their own ideas of what they want to do with their lives?
    nope. for example; I plan on my boys spending the most productive years of their lives actually working at something rather than (say) murdering people and stealing their goods. I will thus raise them to have good work ethics and not murder people. I intend for my boys to live lives that are relatively at peace with their neighbor, and so I will teach them patience and wisdom (as best I can). I intend for them to be the kind of men who give to others, and so I will teach them to do so with my example and with their allowances. I intend for them to marry well, and so I will raise them with an example of how a husband should love and honor his wife. I want them to be good fathers, and so I will struggle to show them the best example in that as well. My folks took care of me for 22 years (all the way through college - and still help me with guidance, counsel, and so forth); and I intend to catch them on the back side; and I will teach my boys to do the same. If they are not the kind of men who take care of their family, then I have probably raised them wrong.

    Sounds like the same sort of imaginary "Kodak moment" that makes people who shouldn't have kids wind up with them in the first place.
    nope. just people being people and families being families. most important building block of society, you know.

    No one is. Just saying people need to make better plans than "Oh, I can just force another autonomous person to do it." And also that I would personally not be interested in being taken care of. But that is just me.
    the only people talking about forcing other autonomous persons to take care of them are those arguing that 'other people's kids" can be made to do it by the government through taxation.

  7. #107
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    Re: Do you want children?

    Quote Originally Posted by cpwill View Post
    that is correct - they don't have kids because it would take time and resources away from other things.
    I have a friend who is not only child free, but both her brothers are as well. Why? Because her parents purely ****ed up just that badly.

    Not everything is black, white, and knowable.

  8. #108
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    Re: Do you want children?

    I don't understand why threads like this always have to turn into the non-parental types vs. the parental types. If you don't want kids, fine. If you do want kids, fine. But neither side is superior to the other on the premise of those desires alone. Seriously.
    "Hmmm...Can't decide if I want to watch "Four Houses" or give myself an Icy Hot pee hole enema..." - Blake Shelton


  9. #109
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    Re: Do you want children?

    Quote Originally Posted by tessaesque View Post
    I don't understand why threads like this always have to turn into the non-parental types vs. the parental types. If you don't want kids, fine. If you do want kids, fine. But neither side is superior to the other on the premise of those desires alone. Seriously.
    if those who didn't want to have kids were willing to sign over any future obligations they would want to put on my kids to support them, that would be fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop
    I have a friend who is not only child free, but both her brothers are as well. Why? Because her parents purely ****ed up just that badly.
    and that can happen too, but I would doubt that statistically we are talking about a significant portion of the populace here. one of my good friends on the island was raised by a single mother who was an abusive alcoholic. he is a terrific dad.

  10. #110
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    Re: Do you want children?

    Quote Originally Posted by tessaesque View Post
    I don't understand why threads like this always have to turn into the non-parental types vs. the parental types. If you don't want kids, fine. If you do want kids, fine. But neither side is superior to the other on the premise of those desires alone. Seriously.
    I agree essentially. It's just that some people have this annoying air of superiority. And it stinks.
    “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” -Napoleon

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