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Is having sex with a passed out girl rape?

Is This Rape

  • Yes

    Votes: 61 95.3%

  • No

    Votes: 3 4.7%
  • Total voters
    64
KC, your message box is full. And what the heck, I can say it out here. She may be an adult survivor. I know there was a time where I thought I was good for one thing, and that was it. I was incredibly promiscuous. It went hand-in-hand with not believing I had a right to say no. And when that's where one is at, there's a major tendency to discount 'self'.

Not saying that's the case with her, but I can see it fitting.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
Oh sure - because that's an intricate part of being diagnosed as clinically insane.
And what is it when people judge one individual based on the actions of others around them?

I've had some pretty ****ed up situations go on with me involved - or just on the outside - and I don't care at all because *I've moved on* - physically, mentally, emotionally. I was a different person back then. . . apparently some people would rather me and others like me suffer endlessly and torment ourselves nightly instead. . . geesh! Why *can't* people move on and forget?

*edit: you know what - now that I'm thinking about it - maybe this girl needs to haul ass away from you, Khayembii Communique, because you're the one coming onto a forum, spreading her personal life, and debating how you should approach your relationship with her because of something someone else did to her in her past . . . perhaps that makes you untrustworthy and vile? Obviously you can't keep secrets.*
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When I say "don't care," I mean they are ambivalent about it being done to them in general. You, obviously, were not. You've just managed to make peace with the fact that it happened.

I doubt you'd be okay with blacking out right now and just letting things happen.
 
Viktyr Korimir said:
The whole issue about having sex with an unconscious woman is that she isn't capable of denying consent-- essentially that you don't know if it's okay or not, and that in most instances it wouldn't be. If she doesn't mind, and you know that she doesn't mind, then she has given her consent in advance and her current stuporous state is of no bearing.
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I agree with this. Unless there's prior consent, it would be rape.
 
Khayembii Communique said:
Girl meets guy for the first time. Girl gets drunk and passes out. Guy has sex with her.
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This is rape until...

Girl plays it off and doesn't care.
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...this is when it became consensual.

If, after the fact, she doesn't care...then she consented. Now, I agree it is a scum bag thing to do. I agree that by doing it the man puts himself at great risk of being accused and convicted of rape. But if she doesn't care, she consents.

That is not to say that if she doesn't report it she consents...that's not the same thing.
 
Viktyr Korimir said:
The whole issue about having sex with an unconscious woman is that she isn't capable of denying consent-- essentially that you don't know if it's okay or not, and that in most instances it wouldn't be. If she doesn't mind, and you know that she doesn't mind, then she has given her consent in advance and her current stuporous state is of no bearing.
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Unless she has specifically said in advance that you can have sex with her while she is unconscious, then you don't have consent. Doesn't matter if you've had sex with her dozens of times before.

Also... how boring would it be to have sex with an unconscious person.
 
In general, if you have sex with a girl who is passed out, yeah it's rape. Clearly she could not consent.

However, a scenario like Crippler's is obviously possible and I wouldn't call that rape. But there we're talking about a married couple. If you're out in the world of one night stands and random hook ups, passed out chicks are off limits.

The idea of some women not caring about this struck me as odd, but then I thought about it. I imagine myself as a single dude fooling around with some random hottie. If I passed out before the deed was done and she was still able to have sex with me, I wouldn't freak out about it. Like Aunt Spiker said, I'd just regret that I wasn't awake to enjoy it! Honestly guys, how many of you, if you were already into the girl and wanted to have sex with her, would freak out if you found she had sex with you after you passed out (assuming that was physically possible). I don't think many men would have a problem with that. Again, assuming you knew the girl and were planning on going for it yourself.
 
This is why I'd love to see alcohol somehow eradicated or very firmly banned.

When drunk people do stupid things, because they're drunk.
 
Wake said:
This is why I'd love to see alcohol somehow eradicated or very firmly banned.

When drunk people do stupid things, because they're drunk.
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Tried that - didn't work. . . oh well.

Personal accountability lacks in abundance.
 
Wake said:
This is why I'd love to see alcohol somehow eradicated or very firmly banned.

When drunk people do stupid things, because they're drunk.
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That worked out so well last time we tried it. Widespread disregard for the law. Massive corruption. A thriving black market that fueled the rise of a criminal cartel. And little, if any impact on the amount of alcohol people consumed. That's a policy that needs to be revived!
 
Psychoclown said:
That worked out so well last time we tried it. Widespread disregard for the law. Massive corruption. A thriving black market that fueled the rise of a criminal cartel. And little, if any impact on the amount of alcohol people consumed. That's a policy that needs to be revived!
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When will people understand that prohibition doesn't work?
 
Psychoclown said:
That worked out so well last time we tried it. Widespread disregard for the law. Massive corruption. A thriving black market that fueled the rise of a criminal cartel. And little, if any impact on the amount of alcohol people consumed. That's a policy that needs to be revived!
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As expected, you jumped on it.

If a virus of some sort, any extremely effective eradicator, were made then it'd be plausible. If at some point our world is far more technologically advanced, then perhaps that is possible as well.

It'd be interesting if such a virus were made.
 
I rather see a virus that eradicates stupidity. Of course, we'd be down a few posters here, but the rest of us would be happy. And we could enjoy our booze responsibly.
 
OP - maybe you should be caring and concerning rather than judgmental and critical?
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How am I being judgmental and critical? What are you talking about?

Maybe she was a different person back then
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You mean last week?

If someone faces rape - regardless of how they felt about it or dealt with it - and that acts as a future problem in a relationshp down the road becaues of what *someone else* did to them - then isn't that punishing the victim for something that isn't their fault?
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I'm not breaking it off because she was raped. I'm breaking it off because she has no self respect, because she thinks that she deserved it and/or doesn't even care that it happened. I'm not criticizing her for that, I'm offering to help her seek treatment and am fully supportive, but I'm not going to be in a relationship with a girl like that.

BTW. We're not exclusive. We're not "going out" or "dating" or whatever you want to call it. We've had a relationship going, yes, but over the month or two I've known her it had never been defined outside of that.

Society says "yes, report!" but certain members of society make the victim feel like crap sometimes because of what happened to them. . . don't be one of those 'certain members'
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I'm not. I'm just not going to be with her anymore.

*edit: you know what - now that I'm thinking about it - maybe this girl needs to haul ass away from you, Khayembii Communique, because you're the one coming onto a forum, spreading her personal life, and debating how you should approach your relationship with her because of something someone else did to her in her past . . . perhaps that makes you untrustworthy and vile? Obviously you can't keep secrets.*
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That was pretty uncalled for. What do you think would have been better, me reveal my secret to a friend? Which do you think would have a better chance of it leaking out: me posting on an internet forum completely anonymously where nobody knows who I am, or talking to a friend who knows her and could accidentally blurt it out?

As for the rest of this comment, I think you have failed to understand how recent this was.

And your apology is accepted in advance. Stop reading into my posts what other members are writing.

BDBoop said:
KC, your message box is full. And what the heck, I can say it out here. She may be an adult survivor. I know there was a time where I thought I was good for one thing, and that was it. I was incredibly promiscuous. It went hand-in-hand with not believing I had a right to say no. And when that's where one is at, there's a major tendency to discount 'self'.

Not saying that's the case with her, but I can see it fitting.
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I can see that fitting, definitely. She needs therapy, that's for sure, which is why I'm going to recommend my old therapist.

Regardless, nobody that has so little (zero) self-respect can be in a healthy relationship. There's no choice for me here.

Wake said:
This is why I'd love to see alcohol somehow eradicated or very firmly banned.

When drunk people do stupid things, because they're drunk.
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I get drunk every weekend. I have never done anything close to this.

Take your misguided moral purity to another thread.
 
Khayembii Communique said:
Girl meets guy for the first time. Girl gets drunk and passes out. Guy has sex with her. Girl plays it off and doesn't care.

Is this rape?
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It's damn sure unconsentual sex. I would call it rape. I beat the living **** out of a boy for that, a few years ago.
 
Khayembii Communique said:
I'm planning on breaking it off tonight, but offering her support in the case that she does need help either psychologically or in pursuing charges. I'm going to recommend her a therapist as well.
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Skip it.
Khayembii Communique said:
This is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone I know and she doesn't even really seem to care. It's messed up.
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There's a clue.
Say no to drama in your relationship.
 
Khayembii Communique said:
Regardless, nobody that has so little (zero) self-respect can be in a healthy relationship. There's no choice for me here.
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Exactly. I wasn't mentally healthy or ready for a 'good' relationship until maybe 15 years after I got done self-sabotaging.
 
It's rape plain and simple.
 
@Khayembii Communique

I think it's good you're going to give yourself some space here. There is something wrong, a disconnect somewhere, when a female realizes that she has been raped by a virtual stranger and shrugs it off without a thought of STD's, potential pregnancy and just the utter violation itself. That kind of casual attitude toward what is the unconsentual use of one's body comes with baggage, I suspect. The only female I knew who would have had no reaction to this kind of act had been the victim of childhood sex abuse, and basically felt she was of little worth, and her body belonged to anyone who wished to claim it.

Not saying this is the case here, but damn. If this had happened to me, not only would I have reported it, I would have gotten myself immediately to a doctor for tests and had legal documents drawn up to force the same tests for him. This is serious, potentially life-threatening, to her and to any of her other partners.

And yes. It was rape.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
I'd say this is rape - but if she doesn't care then it doesn't matter.



This is why my husband made a rule on our first day of dating that we would never talk about past sex-acts with others. . . and we've never broken that.



Untrue - I'm not sure what percentages we're talking about - but a particular individual I'm married to never has 'a limit which inhibits' - more fun for me. He'll pass out before he loses it. I doubt he's the only one in the world who's this way.
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I was actually wanting to hear your opinion on this... In the other thread you were arguing that if she can't consent because of alcohol, then he can't either. Sounded like to me you were arguing that if a guy is drunk and "rapes"' a drunk female, then he isn't responsible.. Here you have a different argument.

She should care, as in she shouldn't want this happen to her again or frequently. If this happens to her again, she can eventually be put in a lot of danger. Not caring about something like this would indicate a psychological or emotion problem IMO. It's just not healthy.
 
digsbe said:
Yes, it is rape. If she doesn't or can't consent then anything sexual you may do to her is rape. It's no different than using a date rape drug imo.
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I agree, it's like using the date rape drug... and I actually know a girl who went through something like this and didn't care. She was in high school, so she was a minor, and about 3 adult men raped her after drugging her. Her reaction to it was, "I got some action." It didn't bother her at all, but she was never really a normal girl.
 
If you yell surprise first and she responds it's not rape. /End thread
 
Aunt Spiker said:
Why should it be? Maybe she was hot into him and would have said yes and had a damned good time if only she didn't have one too many? Maybe her only regret was that she wasn't lucid to enjoy it?

Don't put thoughts and feelings into the mouth and mind of a female whose been in such a situation. . . either way you're going with that - don't speak for someone else regardless of the situation.
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Would have said yes, but didn't say yes... your words indicate you understand that she didn't say yes, didn't consent.

I am not going to sit here and tell people how they should feel about being abused, molested, or even date raped... but I am not going to redefine the reality of somebody being abused, molested, or date raped based on their feelings.

If she isn't that bothered by this incident, it doesn't suddenly make his actions ok and acceptable. Her none concern for herself and her own safety is very telling about her. She doesn't seem to be in an emotionally healthy state at all.
 
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evanescence said:
I agree with this. Unless there's prior consent, it would be rape.
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I don't think there is such a thing as prior consent... A person has to be awake and conscious to participate
 
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