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When it comes to disagreements

What kind of fighter are you

  • I'm a lover, not a fighter

    Votes: 5 19.2%

  • I shut down. FREEZE FRAME!

    Votes: 1 3.8%

  • I try to be rational, and stick to the topic

    Votes: 12 46.2%

  • I don't have fights, I have cage matches

    Votes: 2 7.7%

  • As long as I'm right and get the last word, I don't care what kind of damage I'm doing

    Votes: 1 3.8%

  • I like to kitchen sink

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Other/Hot Pockets

    Votes: 5 19.2%
  • Total voters
    26
B

BDBoop

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What do you do? Poll en route.
 
with whom?
 
well, I mean, it still sometimes depends with whom and over what. If I'm right in an assessment at work, for example, on which an operational decision will be made, then other people will suffer if the person who is wrong is allowed to win out, and I will argue the point heedless of whether or not that person will "like me" following. If I disagree with my wife, however..... :) well, I'd like to get laid sometime this decade.
 
I try to be rational and stick to the topic. If somebody starts lobbing verbal grenades at me with the intent of being right and having the last word, I freeze.
 
I'm exactly the same IRL as I am here.
 
I have differing reactions in different circumstances.

I am assuming we're not just talking politics here, but any sort of personal disagreement.

I generally start out very placid. And I stay that way for a long time. I don't like fighting, I don't like drama, and I believe there is usually a logical or empathetic way to work out a problem. And I will maintain that demeanor very tenaciously. I never raise my voice. I think I have yelled once in anger, in the past decade. I despise yelling.

However, if someone has become dirty enough in their fighting (and it has to get very bad for me to go here), I will "freeze" them out. That isn't immediate. I will end the situation, walk away, and then make the decision whether it is worth truly freezing them out or not. I take my time with that decision, because I don't seem to be able to undo it once I've done it. Like I said, it takes a pretty extreme circumstance to make me react that way - beyond the context of what I'd call a "disagreement." I have to be greatly wronged for that to be put on the table.
 
BDBoop said:
What do you do? Poll en route.
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It depends. If the person is polite, I try to be polite back. If they become rude and aggressive, I will fight back.
 
MistressNomad said:
I have differing reactions in different circumstances.

I am assuming we're not just talking politics here, but any sort of personal disagreement.

I generally start out very placid. And I stay that way for a long time. I don't like fighting, I don't like drama, and I believe there is usually a logical or empathetic way to work out a problem. And I will maintain that demeanor very tenaciously. I never raise my voice. I think I have yelled once in anger, in the past decade. I despise yelling.

However, if someone has become dirty enough in their fighting (and it has to get very bad for me to go here), I will "freeze" them out. That isn't immediate. I will end the situation, walk away, and then make the decision whether it is worth truly freezing them out or not. I take my time with that decision, because I don't seem to be able to undo it once I've done it. Like I said, it takes a pretty extreme circumstance to make me react that way - beyond the context of what I'd call a "disagreement." I have to be greatly wronged for that to be put on the table.
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Yup. Personal. I've had right fighters in my life, and it's enough to make one join a convent. No really; it's okay if I don't agree with you. It really is. You don't have to form a firing squad in the interest of getting me to agree.

I never understood people like that. Really? People agreeing with you is so important you'll take a "Yes, the sky is green" even KNOWING that not only do they still think it's blue, but now they think less of you - just to be right? Craziness.
 
BDBoop said:
Yup. Personal. I've had right fighters in my life, and it's enough to make one join a convent. No really; it's okay if I don't agree with you. It really is. You don't have to form a firing squad in the interest of getting me to agree.

I never understood people like that. Really? People agreeing with you is so important you'll take a "Yes, the sky is green" even KNOWING that not only do they still think it's blue, but now they think less of you - just to be right? Craziness.
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I find people reacting to personal disagreements that way very odd. I don't know how to deal with it - it's as though they WANT to fight. I have a very, very low tolerance for drama in my life. I just can't deal with people like that.

So my approach is to simply make that not an option. I am not sure how to describe this - it's not something I do consciously. It's probably some sort of microexpression thing, and I can feel myself doing it, but I'm not sure what it is. But basically, my mind empties out and there's almost a very zen quality to my mind, and to my stare. My pace of speech slows down (I generally speak at quite a clip). The purpose is to make people feel comfortable, and to provide no possible excuse for someone to bring out "the firing squad," as you put it. If they do so, it's out of the clear blue sky, and a completely silly and irrational thing to do.

People generally react well to that. I'm basically letting them emotionally take the floor, by making my own presence very still. If things are heated, or someone is uncomfortable, it de-escalates things quickly.
 
Topix is the worst when it comes to disagreements. I've tried posting there a few times and if they don't agree with you, they get downright nasty, start hurling insults and calling names if you start backing them into a corner on an issue.
 
I try to be rational, and stick to the topic. But in real life, the people I argue with rarely respond in kind.
 
Unless they are physically attacking me, I seldom view anything that someone says to me as "fighting". Once you realize that anything people say is just them sharing their experience and you don't have to attach to it or owe them anything, it reframes the whole thing.
 
Being rational and sticking to the facts and the truth on almost any topic invites personal attacks from from the other side because i continue to say they can deal with the truth or the facts. I think because both are never used in their talking points it confuses them and over loads their ability to comprehend simple concepts.

I will be attacked for this response and when I am I will be forced to respond.
 
Generally I'm a fairly peaceful bloke, I honestly can't remember the last time I was in a proper argument, I usually defuse them with bad jokes before they start.
 
Viktyr Korimir said:
I try to be rational, and stick to the topic. But in real life, the people I argue with rarely respond in kind.
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So what's your plan b? Mine's the shutting down bit, but I'd love to have a means to end it without just screaming "ENOUGH!" and stomping off for a good cry.
 
IRL, when it gets to the point of an argument I'm usually pretty well pissed off. I have a very strong, very hostile temper (I get it from my mother and my Irish/German roots, I think). To avoid being a complete bitch I remove myself from the situation until I calm down. While removed, I'll write down my issues, crossing off or adding as needed until I'm sure of what I want to say. Once I'm calm I'll go back into the situation and try to have a rational conversation.

I'm not perfect though. This weekend Brandon tried to start making a to-do list of chores for the apartment. Not being a morning person, I was irritated and snapped, "Stop loading me down before I'm out of my goddamned pajamas!" Of course, I immediately felt like an ass and left to go get an apologetic donut for him.
 
i try to be rational. When reason fails, sometimes i do resort to snarky sarcasm.
 
I freeze, or try to be polite since I'm not one who relishes conflict. However, if pushed hard enough, I will defend myself or my position with some pointed, but not rude, language.
 
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I'm a complete and utter dick. I will even let you know that you are killing innocent kittens by taking your position.

SuperStock_1672R-38298.jpg


Think of the kittens. Stop your madness.
 
If people behave badly enough, I get triggered. Then I get really angry because **** YOU!! Was that REALLY necessary??
 
Fiddytree said:
I'm a complete and utter dick. I will even let you know that you are killing innocent kittens by taking your position.

SuperStock_1672R-38298.jpg


Think of the kittens. Stop your madness.
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I can't picture fiddy the "complete and utter dick".
 
Try to stick to the topic, go straight to the point, use evidence, and every now and then be really sarcastic...
 
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