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Is an affair a dealbreaker

If your partner cheats, will you stay?

  • No, I'd end it

    Votes: 19 38.8%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    Votes: 3 6.1%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    Votes: 13 26.5%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    Votes: 14 28.6%

  • Total voters
    49

BDBoop

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If a partner cheats, should the relationship/marriage end (in your estimation.)
 
Coincidentally, my 16th wedding anniversary (and 3rd non) ended about seven minutes ago. For the first time since 2008, I didn't sob my way through it. Go, ME!
 
I should ask for more information. For instance, as a newlywed I would answer the same as you. When I wasn't married, I would say the same. Ten years in, and my tune started changing. Then there was equity, and we'd built something worth fighting for. Unfortunately, he didn't see it the same way. C'est la vie.
 
I don't care if my partner is with someone else, as long as they tell me about it. We practice loving with detachment - that's our agreement. So for me, "cheating" would be my partner sleeping with someone and keeping it a secret. In that scenario, it would be the secrecy that destroys our relationship, not the act of being with someone else.
 
I would have voted yes, but I really like hot pockets. In essence, I've just cheated on my own moral code for cheap frozen pastries.
 
Coincidentally, my 16th wedding anniversary (and 3rd non) ended about seven minutes ago. For the first time since 2008, I didn't sob my way through it. Go, ME!
I say go YOU as well. My best wishes from this day forward.

In 39 years of marriage, I have never had the problem, so honestly I could not say what I would do. It seems to me however, that a person should try not to do anything brash and make the situation worse. I am sure there have been plenty of marriages and relationships that have survived an affair.
 
I don't care if my partner is with someone else, as long as they tell me about it. We practice loving with detachment - that's our agreement. So for me, "cheating" would be my partner sleeping with someone and keeping it a secret. In that scenario, it would be the secrecy that destroys our relationship, not the act of being with someone else.

Same. I don't demand exclusivity, merely honesty (and I'm a real dick about that). My relationships generally end up monogamous, with occasional friends of hers visiting (I don't chase women). Wiping out the whole jealousy thing really makes life easier.
 
For me, yes. For others, it's up to them. There is no concrete answer to this, and no "one size fits all" answer.
 
I say go YOU as well. My best wishes from this day forward.

In 39 years of marriage, I have never had the problem, so honestly I could not say what I would do. It seems to me however, that a person should try not to do anything brash and make the situation worse. I am sure there have been plenty of marriages and relationships that have survived an affair.

I think most long-term marriages have survived infidelity. Truth is, all strong marriages are built with plenty of salt.
 
It would be a deal breaker for me. If my partner cared so little about how much a betrayal such as this would hurt me emotionally then I feel that they are not someone I would want to be with. Life is to short to settle for someone that is willing to hurt you for their own selfish desires.
 
Since my big thing is loyalty? No and they would be lucky if they remain living:(

If you wish to be in something open? We can do that but you gotta talk about that from the start. I do not oppose open but the key word is open. You start doing stuff you not suppose to do and You cheat on me? I may not kill you but I will want to and we are done!
 
How could any one cheat on Kali. When you have perfection, what more could you want?
 
most definitely. if a marriage loses it's trust, honor, respect, and integrity; a certain wall
is emotionally constructed between the parties. they can play nice for a lifetime afterwards,
but the wall is still there, and everything has changed, whether they admit it or not.
people today seem to have this notion that immorality is acceptable in moderation. it's
why the world has went to $h!t, and why love has become more of a flighty "contemporary"
game of charades today.
 
Coincidentally, my 16th wedding anniversary (and 3rd non) ended about seven minutes ago. For the first time since 2008, I didn't sob my way through it. Go, ME!

Good for you! Go Girl! You deserve someone that will treat you like a Queen.
 
I would stay. It hasn't happened to me, (that I know of . . . hmmm. . .) but I would not turn my family inside out over what might have been a moment of weakness.

Women tend to be emotionally involved before they get sexually involved. Men? Sex without emotion is no problem.

That would be the issue for me. If I knew my wife loved another man, and had no love for me, that would make life difficult, but I would prefer to keep my family whole.
 
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I'm not sure how I personally react in a hypothetical situation, but I would lean heavily towards yes.

It is a breach of trust and loyalty and is deeply hurtful.

However, sometimes people honestly learn from their mistakes and realize the importance of not repeating them, and thus deserve a 2nd chance.

so I voted hot pockets
 
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Depends.

Do you have dignity?
 
Yes, dignty would take a beating, but I hope I would subordinate that to my family's well-being.

Well then, there's your answer. If you can swallow your pride and dignity, then it's not a deal-breaker.

Me? I wouldn't think my kids are better off being raised by a whore.

Then again, I'd also try NOT to give her a reason to cheat.
 
Yes, dignty would take a beating, but I hope I would subordinate that to my family's well-being.

yeah. the old "stay together for the kids" crap. that way, your kids will get the idea that cheating on their spouse is ok too; and
then the dysfuctional family cycle can be passed on for generations.
 
I'd end it, for similar reasons as Temporal. I am not someone who is terribly stuck on tradition, and I am open to non-traditional relationships. My relationships typically wind up being monogamous for simplicity's sake more than anything, but there have been exceptions and I am very easy to talk to about that sort of thing.

Someone cheating on me tells me that they are unwilling to talk to me and don't want to be open to me. There is nothing that is taboo to say to me in a relationship, and that becomes very clear very quickly. If they are unwilling to do that, then they are not mature enough to be in a relationship.

The unwillingness to talk to me would end the relationship, not the cheating.
 
I'd end it, for similar reasons as Temporal. I am not someone who is terribly stuck on tradition, and I am open to non-traditional relationships. My relationships typically wind up being monogamous for simplicity's sake more than anything, but there have been exceptions and I am very easy to talk to about that sort of thing.

Someone cheating on me tells me that they are unwilling to talk to me and don't want to be open to me. There is nothing that is taboo to say to me in a relationship, and that becomes very clear very quickly. If they are unwilling to do that, then they are not mature enough to be in a relationship.

The unwillingness to talk to me would end the relationship, not the cheating.

So if your hypothetical boyfriend were to be like, "Hey, I'd like your permission to have semi-regular sex with that girl, even though we'd still be together," then you'd consider entertaining the request? No jealousy at all?
 
So if your hypothetical boyfriend were to be like, "Hey, I'd like your permission to have semi-regular sex with that girl, even though we'd still be together," then you'd consider entertaining the request? No jealousy at all?

Sort of, yes. I mean, I would hope it would be a deeper conversation than that, but yes.

I'm human. I feel jealousy at times. But I have found that is almost always solved by talking about it. In fact the only times I can remember feeling jealous are when I was keeping it to myself.

The typical model of strict, life-long monogamy is also not realistically something that is a part of natural human relationships. I don't hold tightly to either standard. It just makes things more dramatic than they need to be.

Different people bring different things to the table. There may be times when those things overlap. I don't think telling people they're bad for feeling that way is a good way to approach the issue.

I do tend to be monogamous simply because I find it simpler and less draining on myself. But when I have been in relationships that are themselves non-tradition (regardless of whether there were additional partners involved), other aspects and emotions can come into play.
 
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