View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

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  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
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Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #81
    Advisor BamaBrat's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    Right. I just take exception to the way it was laid out, as in "I don't carry my part, he cheats. Et voila, logic."
    Sorry, thats not quite what I meant. I guess what Im saying is.... If an affair happens and both parties can look at their marriage openly and honestly and see it for what it is.... and move forward TOGETHER to save it, then i believe a marriage can survive an affiar. If both parties arent working, only ONE is...such as the habitual cheater (cause they NEVER think its their fault), it cant really survive.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Redress View Post
    For me, yes. For others, it's up to them. There is no concrete answer to this, and no "one size fits all" answer.
    This sums it up for me. Depends on your agreements with the significant other, and the personalities of the people involved.
    ”People willing to trade their freedom for temporary security deserve neither and will lose both.” --- Ben Franklin

    Quote Originally Posted by The German View Post
    Sterotypes are mostly based on truths.

  3. #83
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    I don't really know how I would react if my husband cheated, but I lean toward staying and trying to work it out. The staying would depend on his willingness to actually want to work it out and what his extra-marital relationship brought into ours, i.e. emotional issues, diseases, psycho woman, etc.

    My dad had most likely cheated on my mom at least once during their 20 years of marriage, but there really wasn't proof of it. I saw him kiss another woman when I was young, but did not want to hurt my mom by telling her. But my mom had her suspicions. My dad ended up leaving my mom with 4 children still at home, being picked up at the bus station by another woman that he brought over to my grandmother's house while my brother was there, blamed my mother, and her family, for everything, and got married to a different woman 4 days after their divorce was final. It hurt my mom and my father greatly regrets it now, 10 years later. I know that he would leave his wife in a heartbeat if my mother ever agreed to take him back, but she won't. The reason she won't is because of the blame he placed on her and her family, not the cheating or the leaving though.

    I couldn't handle emotionally if my husband was using me to raise our kids and sleeping around. Nor could I stay if he picked up any STDs from his affairs.

    I would not cheat on my husband because I saw how much my mom was hurt when my dad left. I don't want to hurt my husband in any way if I can avoid it and I don't want to be like my dad.
    "A woman is like a teabag, you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt

    Keep your religion out of other people's marriages.

  4. #84
    Advisor BamaBrat's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    I wasnt blaming the victim in any way shape or form. The fact that someone cheated is THEIRS to deal with, its their fault, its theirs to own, its theirs to fix, its theirs to not fix. Im sorry if i didnt express myself well enough.

    Looking at ones relationship honestly and openly takes two parties working together. If one party doesnt want to admit that they ****ed up by stickin their parts where it didnt belong, or to blame that on the other person, they ARENT WORKING openly and honestly to fix their marriage, thus the marriage probably wont survive. People **** up in all sorts of ways... if we cant talk about that with each other and admit our failings.....BOTH parties, but especially the cheater because he or she is the one that threw marital issues aside and went elsewhere.
    Last edited by BamaBrat; 06-24-11 at 02:00 PM.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by roguenuke View Post
    I don't really know how I would react if my husband cheated, but I lean toward staying and trying to work it out. The staying would depend on his willingness to actually want to work it out and what his extra-marital relationship brought into ours, i.e. emotional issues, diseases, psycho woman, etc.

    My dad had most likely cheated on my mom at least once during their 20 years of marriage, but there really wasn't proof of it. I saw him kiss another woman when I was young, but did not want to hurt my mom by telling her. But my mom had her suspicions. My dad ended up leaving my mom with 4 children still at home, being picked up at the bus station by another woman that he brought over to my grandmother's house while my brother was there, blamed my mother, and her family, for everything, and got married to a different woman 4 days after their divorce was final. It hurt my mom and my father greatly regrets it now, 10 years later. I know that he would leave his wife in a heartbeat if my mother ever agreed to take him back, but she won't. The reason she won't is because of the blame he placed on her and her family, not the cheating or the leaving though.

    I couldn't handle emotionally if my husband was using me to raise our kids and sleeping around. Nor could I stay if he picked up any STDs from his affairs.

    I would not cheat on my husband because I saw how much my mom was hurt when my dad left. I don't want to hurt my husband in any way if I can avoid it and I don't want to be like my dad.
    I have to give my exactlies right down the line on your post. Also /hugs.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BamaBrat View Post
    I wasnt blaming the victim in any way shape or form. The fact that someone cheated is THEIRS to deal with, its their fault, its theirs to own, its theirs to fix, its theirs to not fix. Im sorry if i didnt express myself well enough.
    You did fine, I thanked you on your last post. All is clear and understood, no worries.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    If a partner cheats, should the relationship/marriage end (in your estimation.)
    In my case, no, it wasn't the deal breaker.

    Even if we didn't have children, adultery is a symptom, not the problem itself. Sure there would have been trust issues, and a long healing process to follow, but I wanted to address those problems instead of simply jumping ship.

    The deal breaker for me was when she started hiding the children from me; a behavior she continues today, and is why there can be no reconciliation even if either of us were seeking it.

    Now that the marriage is over, various friends and family feel the need to tell me about how my X would occasionally brag about how she always had boyfriends on the side, and how she would mock me for being 'innocent', trying to be the good husband and keep the faith.

    Funny how people like to wait to tell you those things.....
    Last edited by Jerry; 06-24-11 at 02:07 PM.

  8. #88
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    I always broke up with girlfriends who were unfaithful, but I could see a relationship surviving it. It would be a rare scenario, but not an impossible one.
    Liberté. Égalité. Fraternité.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry View Post
    In my case, no, it wasn't the deal breaker.

    Even if we didn't have children, adultery is a symptom, not the problem itself. Sure there would have been trust issues, and a long healing process to follow, but I wanted to address those problems instead of simply jumping ship.

    The deal breaker for me was when she started hiding the children from me; a behavior she continues today, and is why there can be no reconciliation even if either of us were seeking it.
    That's a doozy. And I'm finding more and more men in your shoes, and it's hateful. She should be ashamed. How would she feel if somebody did that to her? My heart would shatter over losing my daughter 1000 times worse than over losing my ex.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Paschendale View Post
    I always broke up with girlfriends who were unfaithful, but I could see a relationship surviving it. It would be a rare scenario, but not an impossible one.
    It's imposable to cheat on a bf or gf, because there's no presumption of monogamy, no commitment or intent to commit in the first place. Their sex life is their business, so they're not even obligated to tell you. It would be polite, yes, but they're not required.

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