View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

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  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
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Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #71
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    No, ma'am, not always.

    I have found that there are some people that are just flat-out GOING TO CHEAT, no matter what. It does NOT matter how good you are to them; you can give them everything they ask and bust your ****s to do more, and they'll still cheat. Don't ask me why, 'cuz the only answer I have is "it appears to be their nature to always look for greener grass".

    But I will definitely dispute that it is "always" a failure of both partners. That may be true in some cases, but not all by a long shot.
    Yep, this is so true. We both neglected our marriage and so, when he cheated, I was crushed, but I wasn't surprised.

    When I threw my all into working on the marriage, and giving him everything I had, emotionally speaking, and he cheated again, though, there really was no excuse for it, and I realized the problem was chronic (with him), and there was nothing I could do to fix it. At that point, the marriage was basically over.

    Since that time, he's cheated on everyone he's ever dated and has recently remarried. I would say that it's highly likely that when the shiny/new wears off, he'll cheat on her, too.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Catz Part Deux View Post
    Or maybe your kids will get the idea that people make mistakes, and two people who love each other will try and work things out, even when there are problems.
    That'd be somebody else's house. At that point, she'd already hated him for four years because of the incest.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    That'd be somebody else's house. At that point, she'd already hated him for four years because of the incest.
    Yes, I was mainly replying to Lews Therin's initial post on the subject.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Catz Part Deux View Post
    Yes, I was mainly replying to Lews Therin's initial post on the subject.
    Okay, thanks.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    No, ma'am, not always.

    I have found that there are some people that are just flat-out GOING TO CHEAT, no matter what. It does NOT matter how good you are to them; you can give them everything they ask and bust your ****s to do more, and they'll still cheat. Don't ask me why, 'cuz the only answer I have is "it appears to be their nature to always look for greener grass".

    But I will definitely dispute that it is "always" a failure of both partners. That may be true in some cases, but not all by a long shot.
    My first extremely passionate relationship involved a young man who I felt was meant to be my "forever". I did everything I knew how to do in that relationship, we rarely even bickered...He never mentioned he was lacking anything or needed anything more from me. I found out 18 months in that he had been cheating on me from about 2 months in. I was crushed, ended the relationship, tried to move on. Over the next two years I gave him a few chances, only to find out that he was either cheating on me, or using me (unwittingly) as the other woman. He simply couldn't be faithful...to anybody. Now he's married, but I have heard they are already in counseling for his infidelity. Go figure.
    Last edited by tessaesque; 06-24-11 at 01:38 PM.
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by tessaesque View Post
    My first extremely passionate relationship involved a young man who I felt was meant to be my "forever". I did everything I knew how to do in that relationship, we rarely even bickered...He never mentioned he was lacking anything or needed anything more from me. I found out 18 months in that he had been cheating on me from about 2 months in. I was crushed, ended the relationship, tried to move on. Over the next two years I gave him a few chances, only to find out that he was either cheating on me, or using me (unwittingly) as the other woman. He simply couldn't be faithful...to anybody. Now he's married, but I have heard they are already in counseling for his infidelity. Go figure.
    Some people feel entitled to their infidelity and are unlikely to change.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    [tilt] ... YES? Seriously? You would think you deserved to be cheated on because you got comfortable? If he didn't try to do anything to change the status quo, then his cheating is on HIM.
    I wouldnt say deserved is the correct word. What I am saying is... marriages fall apart for a lot of reasons. Cheating is generally just the straw that broke the camels back. Its generally the end result of a marriage that isnt "taken care of" or worked on. Not in all cases....such as the habitual cheater... but in a lot of cases. All I am saying is... it takes TWO to make a marriage work.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BamaBrat View Post
    I wouldnt say deserved is the correct word. What I am saying is... marriages fall apart for a lot of reasons. Cheating is generally just the straw that broke the camels back. Its generally the end result of a marriage that isnt "taken care of" or worked on. Not in all cases....such as the habitual cheater... but in a lot of cases. All I am saying is... it takes TWO to make a marriage work.
    Right. I just take exception to the way it was laid out, as in "I don't carry my part, he cheats. Et voila, logic."

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BamaBrat View Post
    I wouldnt say deserved is the correct word. What I am saying is... marriages fall apart for a lot of reasons. Cheating is generally just the straw that broke the camels back. Its generally the end result of a marriage that isnt "taken care of" or worked on. Not in all cases....such as the habitual cheater... but in a lot of cases. All I am saying is... it takes TWO to make a marriage work.
    No offense, but your views are seriously ****ed up. I understand that infidelity can be a symptom of a marriage that is struggling. But more than anything else, infidelity is a symptom of a lack of internal character on the part of the cheater.

    This blame the victim, we are both responsible for the person's cheating bull**** needs to be called out. Frankly, the non-cheater usually ISN'T responsible for the cheating, but they bear the brunt of it, regardless. When your spouse cheats, as mine did, you do blame yourself. You feel completely inadequate in every possible way, and it completely destroys not only your trust for other people, but also your trust in your own worth. I have owned his infidelity, I have carried the shame and pain of it around for years, but ultimately, he cheated because he's a cheater. He didn't cheat because of me, he cheated because of his own poor character.

    I experienced the same marriage, including the neglect of the relationship, and frankly, far worse treatment at his hands than he experienced at mine, and yet, I didn't cheat.

    Cheating may be a sign of a broken down marriage, but more than that, it is a symptom of a lack of character on the part of the cheater. That latter part is even more important than the former.

    Not everyone cheats. And, short of extreme circumstances, there is zero justification for doing so, no matter how intolerable the marriage. Cheaters suffer from entitlement issues, and they are the scum of the earth, because not only do they cheat, but they do so knowing that they are risking the happiness of the people they ostensibly care more about than any other on earth (their spouse and children).

    If the marriage is that ****ing intolerable, grow a ****ing set of balls and address the issues, openly and honestly. Lying, skulking around, and putting your sexual parts in contact with someone outside the marriage is an inherently selfish, evil act, and should be addressed accordingly.
    Last edited by Catz Part Deux; 06-24-11 at 01:51 PM.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    I view an affair as a dealbreaker when it comes to marriage. However, I think the partners can certainly chose to keep their marriage and work through the hurt/offense. I think marriages can be healed after cheating, but I wouldn't tell someone that they are obligated to try and heal that marriage or stay with a cheater.

    Some people blame themselves, when it really isn't their fault. Even if you aren't the perfect spouse that doesn't give your partner any right to cheat.
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