View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

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  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
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Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #51
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    ecofarm's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    As long as you're cheating anyway, which Hot Pockets are your favorite(s)?
    bbq or ham and cheese
    Last edited by ecofarm; 06-24-11 at 12:58 PM.

  2. #52
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by lewstherin View Post
    i've never cheated on a girlfriend or spouse. my parents have had a monogamous marriage for 50+ years.
    people believe cheating is "acceptable" because their tv's portray cheating as acceptable at such a high
    rotation rate; that they actually believe in their washed-out, pea-brained minds that infidelity is the
    natural "norm" of any marriage.
    I don't think it's that simple. "Cheat" just fits this poll, but as we've seen within the thread, there are open relationships. I think relationships, by nature, have to grow and change because their only option is to stagnate. And while your parents have been married 50 years, you likely don't know how close they ever were to considering divorce, if either of them ever cheated or considered doing so - none of that. My family was completely dysfunctional, and my folks made it to 48 years. She only didn't divorce him because it was against her religion. Paternal parental unit was a total slut. So people in the church would go "Oh! So sad! They just missed their 50th" and I'm thinking "You have NO IDEA how pissed she'd be if people expected her to celebrate half a century of hell."

  3. #53
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by pbrauer View Post
    I say go YOU as well. My best wishes from this day forward.

    In 39 years of marriage, I have never had the problem, so honestly I could not say what I would do. It seems to me however, that a person should try not to do anything brash and make the situation worse. I am sure there have been plenty of marriages and relationships that have survived an affair.
    Yes, there most certainly are. (Mitch Daniels springs to mind). If the party who strayed is truly repentant, and the partner who stayed is truly compassionate, they can get through it. Lots of work ahead, though.

  4. #54
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    Can't speak for others - but I do get disgusted with women who 'stick with their man' sometimes (not all the time). I find that staying in a relationship after such things have happened - especially fi they're repeat issues or constant crap - that one just devalues theirself as an individual if they choose to stay with it.
    *
    Cheating is often a symptom of larger problems. In my case, I recognized that neither of us were particularly happy, and that I'd come very close to cheating, though I didn't. The choice was between both of us walking away and putting our kids through something very miserable, or recognizing that we'd gotten off the path and trying very hard to fix our relationship. I don't see that as weakness or devaluing oneself.

  5. #55
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Baralis View Post
    It would be a deal breaker for me. If my partner cared so little about how much a betrayal such as this would hurt me emotionally then I feel that they are not someone I would want to be with. Life is to short to settle for someone that is willing to hurt you for their own selfish desires.
    My ex and his .... ****, I can't think of anything to call it. They 'did it' in Second Life on the 4th of July, 2008 and both put it in their profiles. So I knew that at least cyber sex was happening, and right there ... dunno. He lied about it. He lied for a month. And here's the thing. How things unfolded in that last month, and the first months of being single, go directly to I will NEVER give him a second chance. Too much bad water over the dam or under the bridge or whatever.

    I don't know how cheaters do it, I really don't. Look someone you love in the EYE and LIE to them?? Loser.

  6. #56
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by lewstherin View Post
    yeah. the old "stay together for the kids" crap. that way, your kids will get the idea that cheating on their spouse is ok too; and
    then the dysfuctional family cycle can be passed on for generations.
    LT, there are a fair number of kids who parents manage to shield from the truth. They may know something is going on, but they won't know what. I didn't know until my mom took me on a drive when I was 16. The apartments by the high school. My dad's big old caddy parked out front. My world shattering. Oh. ... is that what "on call" means.

    She called him when we got home. You need to leave now, your daughter is hysterical. That's how insignificant she felt. He won't care that she's hurting, but he will that I am? So sad, to be that woman, my mom.

  7. #57
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Gardener View Post
    There are sexual affairs and there are emotional affairs, and while the two can coincide, I consider the latter to be the more dangerous to a marriage. It certainly undermined mine.
    Right. His went from emotional to cyber sex to her landing in my bed before the sheets had even cooled. I was dropped at my sister's that Friday, he said she was up Monday. I just realized - he said it. That means it may or may not be true. Hell, she could have been in my bed that night. They're not disgusting much.

  8. #58
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    Khayembii Communique's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    A woman cheating in a relationship is due to a failure on the man's part. That being said, it's a "dealbreaker" in the sense that the cheating itself is so disrespectful and distrustful to the point of the relationship being irreparable, no matter how long they try to drag it along and "make it work".

    I've never had a girl cheat on me, but if I did I'd mark it up as a failure on my part, end the relationship and move on. I wouldn't be mad at the guy she cheated with either, unless it was one of my friends.
    "I do not claim that every incident in the history of empire can be explained in directly economic terms. Economic interests are filtered through a political process, policies are implemented by a complex state apparatus, and the whole system generates its own momentum."

  9. #59
    Advisor BamaBrat's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    It depends on the couple. People make mistakes, people will always fall short, whether its an affair or something else that puts a marriage in jeopardy. If both parties own up to their mistakes... both parties are willing to work to put your relationship and your marriage back together, then yes. A marriage can survivie an affair if BOTH parties are willing to move forward. If both parties arent willing to do that... the marriage wont survive. And I agree with ecofarm.... I believe that most long term marriages have survived it.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Khayembii Communique View Post
    A woman cheating in a relationship is due to a failure on the man's part. That being said, it's a "dealbreaker" in the sense that the cheating itself is so disrespectful and distrustful to the point of the relationship being irreparable, no matter how long they try to drag it along and "make it work".

    I've never had a girl cheat on me, but if I did I'd mark it up as a failure on my part, end the relationship and move on. I wouldn't be mad at the guy she cheated with either, unless it was one of my friends.
    I honestly can't believe you just said that. Relationships are equal. If you believe that a woman cheating means a man failed, it has to follow that if a man cheats, a woman failed. Some people are just cheating scum, and that is not the fault of the partner. Period.

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