View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

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  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
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Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #21
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckyDan View Post
    Yes, dignty would take a beating, but I hope I would subordinate that to my family's well-being.
    Well then, there's your answer. If you can swallow your pride and dignity, then it's not a deal-breaker.

    Me? I wouldn't think my kids are better off being raised by a whore.

    Then again, I'd also try NOT to give her a reason to cheat.
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  2. #22
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckyDan View Post
    Yes, dignty would take a beating, but I hope I would subordinate that to my family's well-being.
    yeah. the old "stay together for the kids" crap. that way, your kids will get the idea that cheating on their spouse is ok too; and
    then the dysfuctional family cycle can be passed on for generations.
    “The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.”
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  3. #23
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    I'd end it, for similar reasons as Temporal. I am not someone who is terribly stuck on tradition, and I am open to non-traditional relationships. My relationships typically wind up being monogamous for simplicity's sake more than anything, but there have been exceptions and I am very easy to talk to about that sort of thing.

    Someone cheating on me tells me that they are unwilling to talk to me and don't want to be open to me. There is nothing that is taboo to say to me in a relationship, and that becomes very clear very quickly. If they are unwilling to do that, then they are not mature enough to be in a relationship.

    The unwillingness to talk to me would end the relationship, not the cheating.

  4. #24
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    I'd end it, for similar reasons as Temporal. I am not someone who is terribly stuck on tradition, and I am open to non-traditional relationships. My relationships typically wind up being monogamous for simplicity's sake more than anything, but there have been exceptions and I am very easy to talk to about that sort of thing.

    Someone cheating on me tells me that they are unwilling to talk to me and don't want to be open to me. There is nothing that is taboo to say to me in a relationship, and that becomes very clear very quickly. If they are unwilling to do that, then they are not mature enough to be in a relationship.

    The unwillingness to talk to me would end the relationship, not the cheating.
    So if your hypothetical boyfriend were to be like, "Hey, I'd like your permission to have semi-regular sex with that girl, even though we'd still be together," then you'd consider entertaining the request? No jealousy at all?
    SWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAG
    Quote Originally Posted by Josie
    Thanks for your awesomeness, Jeezy.

  5. #25
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeezy View Post
    So if your hypothetical boyfriend were to be like, "Hey, I'd like your permission to have semi-regular sex with that girl, even though we'd still be together," then you'd consider entertaining the request? No jealousy at all?
    Sort of, yes. I mean, I would hope it would be a deeper conversation than that, but yes.

    I'm human. I feel jealousy at times. But I have found that is almost always solved by talking about it. In fact the only times I can remember feeling jealous are when I was keeping it to myself.

    The typical model of strict, life-long monogamy is also not realistically something that is a part of natural human relationships. I don't hold tightly to either standard. It just makes things more dramatic than they need to be.

    Different people bring different things to the table. There may be times when those things overlap. I don't think telling people they're bad for feeling that way is a good way to approach the issue.

    I do tend to be monogamous simply because I find it simpler and less draining on myself. But when I have been in relationships that are themselves non-tradition (regardless of whether there were additional partners involved), other aspects and emotions can come into play.

  6. #26
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    Sort of, yes. I mean, I would hope it would be a deeper conversation than that, but yes.

    I'm human. I feel jealousy at times. But I have found that is almost always solved by talking about it. In fact the only times I can remember feeling jealous are when I was keeping it to myself.

    The typical model of strict, life-long monogamy is also not realistically something that is a part of natural human relationships. I don't hold tightly to either standard. It just makes things more dramatic than they need to be.

    Different people bring different things to the table. There may be times when those things overlap. I don't think telling people they're bad for feeling that way is a good way to approach the issue.

    I do tend to be monogamous simply because I find it simpler and less draining on myself. But when I have been in relationships that are themselves non-tradition (regardless of whether there were additional partners involved), other aspects and emotions can come into play.
    i've never cheated on a girlfriend or spouse. my parents have had a monogamous marriage for 50+ years.
    people believe cheating is "acceptable" because their tv's portray cheating as acceptable at such a high
    rotation rate; that they actually believe in their washed-out, pea-brained minds that infidelity is the
    natural "norm" of any marriage.
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  7. #27
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Well, statistically it is pretty normal, and always has been since the beginning of time.

    I've never cheated, nor been cheated on that I know of. And despite how the above sounds, the majority of my relationships have been exclusive.

    Making it non-taboo to talk about all by itself makes things much easier. Acting as though you'll never look at another person just creates a perfect opportunity for stupid decisions. And clinging to a strict doctrine that doesn't fit you, or fit the relationship, is just as bad.

    Good for you. Not everyone works that way. Nor is there anything wrong with them for not doing so. In fact biologically, it probably makes more sense.

  8. #28
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    Sort of, yes. I mean, I would hope it would be a deeper conversation than that, but yes.

    I'm human. I feel jealousy at times. But I have found that is almost always solved by talking about it. In fact the only times I can remember feeling jealous are when I was keeping it to myself.

    The typical model of strict, life-long monogamy is also not realistically something that is a part of natural human relationships. I don't hold tightly to either standard. It just makes things more dramatic than they need to be.

    Different people bring different things to the table. There may be times when those things overlap. I don't think telling people they're bad for feeling that way is a good way to approach the issue.

    I do tend to be monogamous simply because I find it simpler and less draining on myself. But when I have been in relationships that are themselves non-tradition (regardless of whether there were additional partners involved), other aspects and emotions can come into play.
    Yeah, I don't know.

    Talking about jealousy makes me even more jealous. Especially when the girl totally dismisses everything as an overreaction, because then I start second-guessing myself like, "Wait...am I being paranoid? What the hell is even going on?" ...aaaaand then one day I get a phone call like, "Hey, he asked me to be with him, so is it cool if we break up?" Nope. I'd rather do the healthy thing and let the jealousy eat away at me until I kill myself. Or until she does leave, and I can play it off like it's no big deal when really I want to peel the paint off my walls with my fingernails.

    That's the plan.
    SWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAGSWAG
    Quote Originally Posted by Josie
    Thanks for your awesomeness, Jeezy.

  9. #29
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    i don't have kids and i don't ever plan on being in an open relationship so i will say..


    hell.
    no.

    trust is a hard thing to regain once it has been lost.
    Why do we fall?
    So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

  10. #30
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeezy View Post
    Yeah, I don't know.

    Talking about jealousy makes me even more jealous. Especially when the girl totally dismisses everything as an overreaction, because then I start second-guessing myself like, "Wait...am I being paranoid? What the hell is even going on?" ...aaaaand then one day I get a phone call like, "Hey, he asked me to be with him, so is it cool if we break up?" Nope. I'd rather do the healthy thing and let the jealousy eat away at me until I kill myself. Or until she does leave, and I can play it off like it's no big deal when really I want to peel the paint off my walls with my fingernails.

    That's the plan.
    Well, I'd much rather have someone tell me they'd rather be with someone else and not with me, than cheat. Happened once, actually. I have respect for that - it shows they care enough to be honest instead of wronging me.

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