View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

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  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
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Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #211
    Liberal Fascist For Life!


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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Viktyr Korimir View Post
    Certainly so. It's just that, whether you're male or female yourself, having sex with men is much riskier than having sex with women.
    Also not true. having anal sex is riskier. Having sex with some one who is promiscuous is much riskier.
    We became a great nation not because we are a nation of cynics. We became a great nation because we are a nation of believers - Lindsey Graham

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    Uh oh Megyn...your vagina witchcraft is about ready to be exposed.

  2. #212
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Viktyr Korimir View Post
    Certainly so. It's just that, whether you're male or female yourself, having sex with men is much riskier than having sex with women.
    No, having anal sex is the risk factor, regardless of whether you do it with a man or a woman.
    So follow me into the desert
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  3. #213
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by spud_meister View Post
    No, having anal sex is the risk factor, regardless of whether you do it with a man or a woman.
    I may not be correct here, but the risk factor seems to be receiving anal sex, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.

  4. #214
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Viktyr Korimir View Post
    I may not be correct here, but the risk factor seems to be receiving anal sex, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.
    I don't think you are, the high risk factor associated with anal sex comes from the propensity for the lining of the intestines to tear, which will lead to transmission of the virus regardless of if you're giving or receiving, if you're not using a condom.
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  5. #215
    Stigmatized! End R Word! Kali's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Viktyr Korimir View Post
    I'm indifferent. The issue for me is one of loyalty, and keeping a little piece on the side doesn't really hurt me. Whatever.

    But if she's neglecting me or our family in favor of fooling around, then there's going to be Hell to pay. I can forgive a lot, but I won't tolerate being ignored. Or if her piece on the side is filth and I'm worried about being exposed to it; the other problem I've had in "open" relationships is seeing the pathetic vermin I'm being asked to share with. If a man isn't good enough to sit at my dinner table, then I don't like the implications of my woman thinking he's good enough to sleep with.
    But keeping something on the side you know nothing about is a smack in the face in reguards to loyalty.

    In reguards to the open thing? Have it where you both have to give approval.
    ~Following My Own Flow~

  6. #216
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny View Post
    I'd stay. I would cheat back though. The sneaking around part is what would bother me. I wouldn't mind an open relationship or swinging. If she gets variety then so should I. It all depends. But for me an affair is not a deal breaker. Not in and of itself.
    Cheating back is just creating another problem and you never solve problems by creating new ones.
    ~Following My Own Flow~

  7. #217
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    I don't see cheaters as unfaithful scum as others seem to. I see them as people playing the monogamy game when they aren't meant to, and that's okay. Our social fabric seems setup to force one kind of relationship on people, and that isn't realistic for many.
    To me, people become "unfaithful scum," not by being promiscuous or sleeping with more than one person, but when they lie about it and sneak around behind the other person's back. Particularly the serial cheaters. No one is forcing monogamy on them. They could just as easily find someone who agrees to an open relationship from the beginning. So what makes them scum is the fact that they lie and sneak around-not that they are promiscuous.

    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    If you have established trust with your partner on the basis of monogamy, then yes, you are right to feel betrayed if that trust is broken. My partner and I are both polyamorous and we both put equal time and energy into any other partner we have. It takes a lot of work to be equally committed to multiple people (which is why I only have one partner right now). It is not infidelity, but a very conscious practice.
    There you have it. You and your partner established those conditions from the beginning. No problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    I don't see why monogamy in of itself should have anything to do with the value of your relationship, or with your partner's choices that happen away from you.
    Because some people view sex as more than just an action but the sharing of one's self with another person. Exclusivity is meant to be special. When people spread themselves around, the act of sex is not special nor does it provide a connection between two people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    Why does it matter what they do with someone else?
    Exclusivity is a matter of claiming possession over another person. Some people want to belong to another person while others resent that. It's a matter of preference.

    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    All that matters is how they relate to you. If their relationship with someone else is hurting your relationship (i.e. they are not fulfilling their commitments, there are scheduling problems, etc.), then that's something worth looking at, especially if you have a kid. On the other hand, them being with someone else does not summarily make them unfaithful trash.
    They are unfaithful trash because they sneak around and lie about their sexual activities. Not because they're having sex with other people. That's the difference, imo.


    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    There's a reason why people call it "free love". I am not talking about polysexery and trying to get off with as many people as possible. It seems like most of people's suffering about cheating stems from being too attached. When I love someone, it makes much more sense for them to remain free in my eyes. I want them to be free, but because we are together, I expect communication and sharing about what they are experiencing. That's all I ask for.
    And that's fine for you. And it's fine for anyone so long as people are honest about it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    All these personal wounds... over humans being humans, and then having a guilt and shame complex about it. It has not been my reality and I don't understand it.
    If being human means being a lying scumbag, I don't much care for being human. As I said, people need to be honest about their needs. It becomes shameful because people make it shameful. The very act of lying and sneaking around is what makes the act of sex shameful. Not the act itself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    For some people monogamy works and that's great, but looking at the divorce statistics, I don't think it's meant to last for many. Or at least, the way monogamy is playing out seems to be stagnating people's lives so that they want to escape, as if monogamy or divorce are the only two options.
    If people become unhappy in a relationship, they always have the option of leaving. There's absolutely no need to sneak around and lie about it.
    “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” -Napoleon

  8. #218
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    I went 16 months without any - I managed and so did he without turning into wretched vow violating beasts of compulsion.

    But that's just us - a lot of military families don't fair as well.
    I'm not thinking about a situation when the two are separated. I'm talking about a situation where there is ample opportunity, but no effort put in. It's much easier when the reason for no sex is because of physical separation, it's much harder when it is due to emotional separation.

  9. #219
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    If a partner cheats, should the relationship/marriage end (in your estimation.)
    Can you define cheating? Is it a one night stand or is it an ongoing emotional relationship with another person?

    Please answer then I can answer.

  10. #220
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by ecofarm View Post
    Same. I don't demand exclusivity, merely honesty (and I'm a real dick about that). My relationships generally end up monogamous, with occasional friends of hers visiting (I don't chase women). Wiping out the whole jealousy thing really makes life easier.
    I agree jealousy is a wasted emotion.

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