View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

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  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
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Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #191
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Tucker Case View Post
    Really depends on the circumstances, to be honest. If I hadn't banged my wife in a year, I wouldn't blame her for going out and getting some.

    I don't think she'd take the same perspective, though.
    They never do. Funny how that works.

  2. #192
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    I don't see cheaters as unfaithful scum as others seem to. I see them as people playing the monogamy game when they aren't meant to, and that's okay. Our social fabric seems setup to force one kind of relationship on people, and that isn't realistic for many.

    If you have established trust with your partner on the basis of monogamy, then yes, you are right to feel betrayed if that trust is broken. My partner and I are both polyamorous and we both put equal time and energy into any other partner we have. It takes a lot of work to be equally committed to multiple people (which is why I only have one partner right now). It is not infidelity, but a very conscious practice.

    I don't see why monogamy in of itself should have anything to do with the value of your relationship, or with your partner's choices that happen away from you. Why does it matter what they do with someone else? All that matters is how they relate to you. If their relationship with someone else is hurting your relationship (i.e. they are not fulfilling their commitments, there are scheduling problems, etc.), then that's something worth looking at, especially if you have a kid. On the other hand, them being with someone else does not summarily make them unfaithful trash.

    There's a reason why people call it "free love". I am not talking about polysexery and trying to get off with as many people as possible. It seems like most of people's suffering about cheating stems from being too attached. When I love someone, it makes much more sense for them to remain free in my eyes. I want them to be free, but because we are together, I expect communication and sharing about what they are experiencing. That's all I ask for.

    All these personal wounds... over humans being humans, and then having a guilt and shame complex about it. It has not been my reality and I don't understand it. For some people monogamy works and that's great, but looking at the divorce statistics, I don't think it's meant to last for many. Or at least, the way monogamy is playing out seems to be stagnating people's lives so that they want to escape, as if monogamy or divorce are the only two options.

    Relationships need to evolve or they die. It's just that simple. And sometimes, their evolving leads to a natural ending anyway.

  3. #193
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Temporal View Post
    I don't see cheaters as unfaithful scum as others seem to. I see them as people playing the monogamy game when they aren't meant to, and that's okay. Our social fabric seems setup to force one kind of relationship on people, and that isn't realistic for many.

    If you have established trust with your partner on the basis of monogamy, then yes, you are right to feel betrayed if that trust is broken. My partner and I are both polyamorous and we both put equal time and energy into any other partner we have. It takes a lot of work to be equally committed to multiple people (which is why I only have one partner right now). It is not infidelity, but a very conscious practice.

    I don't see why monogamy in of itself should have anything to do with the value of your relationship, or with your partner's choices that happen away from you. Why does it matter what they do with someone else? All that matters is how they relate to you. If their relationship with someone else is hurting your relationship (i.e. they are not fulfilling their commitments, there are scheduling problems, etc.), then that's something worth looking at, especially if you have a kid. On the other hand, them being with someone else does not summarily make them unfaithful trash.

    There's a reason why people call it "free love". I am not talking about polysexery and trying to get off with as many people as possible. It seems like most of people's suffering about cheating stems from being too attached. When I love someone, it makes much more sense for them to remain free in my eyes. I want them to be free, but because we are together, I expect communication and sharing about what they are experiencing. That's all I ask for.

    All these personal wounds... over humans being humans, and then having a guilt and shame complex about it. It has not been my reality and I don't understand it. For some people monogamy works and that's great, but looking at the divorce statistics, I don't think it's meant to last for many. Or at least, the way monogamy is playing out seems to be stagnating people's lives so that they want to escape, as if monogamy or divorce are the only two options.

    Relationships need to evolve or they die. It's just that simple. And sometimes, their evolving leads to a natural ending anyway.
    yes. excuses are wonderful. high crime rates are due to poverty. high rape rates are due to a lack of sex.
    high AIDS rates are due to men accidentally placing their dicks in the asses of other men. what a wonderful world we live in
    where the dumb ass excuses of immorality can justify actual consequence.
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  4. #194
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    I really lack the experience compared to you guys. I am still pretty young, so honestly I am not sure how I would respond. (I haven't had to deal with this issue yet.) I suppose, in my attempt to grasp the situation, I tend to look at it from a biological stand point.

    I have always thought that a relationship for life goes against the very fabric of our humanity. At least right now, I feel that naturally we are supposed to have multiple partners. Maybe not at the same time, but what I mean is not being with someone for life.

    The evidence of the large number of divorces, as I see it, is evidence of this. But who knows, maybe I will meet that woman that sweeps me off my feet.

  5. #195
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    So you think poverty has nothing to do with crime?

  6. #196
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by lewstherin View Post
    yes. excuses are wonderful. high crime rates are due to poverty. high rape rates are due to a lack of sex.
    high AIDS rates are due to men accidentally placing their dicks in the asses of other men. what a wonderful world we live in
    where the dumb ass excuses of immorality can justify actual consequence.
    How wonderfully dumb. You seem unaware that strait men can get AIDS too.
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    Uh oh Megyn...your vagina witchcraft is about ready to be exposed.

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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Redress View Post
    How wonderfully dumb. You seem unaware that strait men can get AIDS too.
    ...to be fair, if you are a straight white male in the western world, your chances of contracting AIDS are statistically slim.

    But yeah, you're definitely not immune.
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeezy View Post
    ...to be fair, if you are a straight white male in the western world, your chances of contracting AIDS are statistically slim.

    But yeah, you're definitely not immune.
    Depends on your lifestyle, same as being a gay man.
    We became a great nation not because we are a nation of cynics. We became a great nation because we are a nation of believers - Lindsey Graham

    Quote Originally Posted by Fiddytree View Post
    Uh oh Megyn...your vagina witchcraft is about ready to be exposed.

  9. #199
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeezy View Post
    ...to be fair, if you are a straight white male in the western world, your chances of contracting AIDS are statistically slim.

    But yeah, you're definitely not immune.
    And if you are monogamous, you chances are none.

  10. #200
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by lewstherin View Post
    yes. excuses are wonderful. high crime rates are due to poverty. high rape rates are due to a lack of sex.
    high AIDS rates are due to men accidentally placing their dicks in the asses of other men. what a wonderful world we live in
    where the dumb ass excuses of immorality can justify actual consequence.
    You're right, everyone should be lesbians!
    So follow me into the desert
    As desperate as you are
    Where the moon is glued to a picture of heaven
    And all the little pigs have God

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