View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

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  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
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Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #121
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    The typical model of strict, life-long monogamy is also not realistically something that is a part of natural human relationships.
    to be clear. the natural human relationship in the sense of what we did when we were wild is tribal rape. bend over the couch and take it, or I will beat you with my fist/club. Before or after I kill your children by the other male in front of you.

    life-long monogamy is the form best suited to a civilized human nature.




    as for a spouse that cheats - it legitimizes ending a marriage. but it doesn't have to, and it generally is better if it does not.

  2. #122
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker View Post
    I went 16 months without any - I managed and so did he without turning into wretched vow violating beasts of compulsion.

    But that's just us - a lot of military families don't fair as well.
    had a buddy with a great bumper sticker: "Sexually Deprived for Your Freedom"



    but yeah, that and a list of other stresses means military divorce rates are quite high, and military rates of infidelity are higher.

  3. #123
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by cpwill View Post
    to be clear. the natural human relationship in the sense of what we did when we were wild is tribal rape. bend over the couch and take it, or I will beat you with my fist/club. Before or after I kill your children by the other male in front of you.

    life-long monogamy is the form best suited to a civilized human nature.
    Not really. Rape happened (and still does), but it is taboo in all higher primates. Not just us. This is not an outgrowth of modern civilization - it's part of being an intelligent social mammal, and specifically a primate.

    The average human relationship does tend towards monogamy, but historically it's not life-long. And this was even back in the times when humans only lived 30 or 40 years. The average highly compatible human relationship that remains functional (in other words, dead marriages where the couple are just roommates doesn't cut it) is, and has always been, around 7-10 years. That is the amount of time it takes for a child to become semi-independent within a tribe. There is a reason why our relationships tend to be that long.

    And in the modern era, where humans live twice as long, an expectation of life-long monogamy becomes even more unrealistic, reflected by our divorce rates and infidelity rates. The infidelity rates, mind you, have remained fairly consistent over time. And divorce rates only increased because it became legal and acceptable, NOT because there was an increase in broken marriages.

    There are exceptions to every rule, and with nearly 7 billion people on the planet they aren't extremely hard to find. But they are rare.
    Last edited by SmokeAndMirrors; 06-24-11 at 08:03 PM.

  4. #124
    Educator lewstherin's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    Not really. Rape happened (and still does), but it is taboo in all higher primates. Not just us. This is not an outgrowth of modern civilization - it's part of being an intelligent social mammal, and specifically a primate.

    The average human relationship does tend towards monogamy, but historically it's not life-long. And this was even back in the times when humans only lived 30 or 40 years. The average highly compatible human relationship that remains functional (in other words, dead marriages where the couple are just roommates doesn't cut it) is, and has always been, around 7-10 years. That is the amount of time it takes for a child to become semi-independent within a tribe. There is a reason why our relationships tend to be that long.

    And in the modern era, where humans live twice as long, an expectation of life-long monogamy becomes even more unrealistic, reflected by our divorce rates and infidelity rates. The infidelity rates, mind you, have remained fairly consistent over time. And divorce rates only increased because it became legal and acceptable, NOT because there was an increase in broken marriages.

    There are exceptions to every rule, and with nearly 7 billion people on the planet they aren't extremely hard to find. But they are rare.
    true monogamy is one of the ways civilized man has attempted to elevate himself above the lesser animals.
    of course, the liberal agenda hopes to regress mankind at all levels, which is why monogamy is more and more
    being portrayed as "unrealistic" through social media and scholastic venues. funny how the liberal atheist rants
    and raves about atheist evolution over the manifestation beliefs of the creationist; yet does everything in his power
    to stagnate the evolution of society through regressing civilized behavior.
    “The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.”
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  5. #125
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    that's a very "female" attitude and one that shows a complete lack of self-esteem.
    my 1st wife cheated on me. was it in anyway my fault? no. well, unless i want to blame myself for choosing such a trashy woman to begin with. but i personally did nothing to "make her cheat".
    A girl cheats when she's no longer interested in the relationship. You failed to keep her attracted.

    This doesn't make any sense. So it's the man's fault that the woman is too immature to communicate her needs, and too selfish to hold up her end of the relationship?
    Women aren't "too immature" to do that; that's just how they are. Guys tend to communicate incredibly straightforward and logically, when women don't. It's the man's fault for failing to learn to deal with women.

    Pardon me, but horse-****. There are women (just as there are men) who are simply cheaters-by-nature, and there is nothing you can do to prevent them from cheating. Period.
    I don't think so. There are people that tend to cheat more often, sure, but they're not "cheaters by nature".

    If you believe otherwise, you must never have encountered one. I'd find this remarkable if you're over 30.
    I've experienced plenty of crazy **** from women. I've dated serial cheaters. I've never been cheated on.

    true monogamy is one of the ways civilized man has attempted to elevate himself above the lesser animals.
    of course, the liberal agenda hopes to regress mankind at all levels, which is why monogamy is more and more
    being portrayed as "unrealistic" through social media and scholastic venues. funny how the liberal atheist rants
    and raves about atheist evolution over the manifestation beliefs of the creationist; yet does everything in his power
    to stagnate the evolution of society through regressing civilized behavior.
    Wow, it has nothing to do with a "liberal agenda". People just realize that marriage is a dinosaur institution that deserves to be done away with.
    "I do not claim that every incident in the history of empire can be explained in directly economic terms. Economic interests are filtered through a political process, policies are implemented by a complex state apparatus, and the whole system generates its own momentum."

  6. #126
    Educator lewstherin's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Khayembii Communique View Post
    A girl cheats when she's no longer interested in the relationship. You failed to keep her attracted.



    Women aren't "too immature" to do that; that's just how they are. Guys tend to communicate incredibly straightforward and logically, when women don't. It's the man's fault for failing to learn to deal with women.



    I don't think so. There are people that tend to cheat more often, sure, but they're not "cheaters by nature".



    I've experienced plenty of crazy **** from women. I've dated serial cheaters. I've never been cheated on.



    Wow, it has nothing to do with a "liberal agenda". People just realize that marriage is a dinosaur institution that deserves to be done away with.
    a woman so $luttish and flighty should've never taken vows. same goes for the man.
    the dishonesty and lack of honor and integrity belong to him/her that cheats. to blame
    ones self in being f**ked over is a very liberal concept. very effeminate. shows a
    complete lack of self-respect and ego.
    at least we know where you stand.
    “The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.”
    http://www.indylevee.com/

  7. #127
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by lewstherin View Post
    true monogamy is one of the ways civilized man has attempted to elevate himself above the lesser animals.
    of course, the liberal agenda hopes to regress mankind at all levels, which is why monogamy is more and more
    being portrayed as "unrealistic" through social media and scholastic venues. funny how the liberal atheist rants
    and raves about atheist evolution over the manifestation beliefs of the creationist; yet does everything in his power
    to stagnate the evolution of society through regressing civilized behavior.
    You're missing the fact that we have not "regressed" at all. Your fantasy of the life-long monogamy past is just that - a fantasy. It has never been true. It probably never will be.

    I said myself above that humans do tend to be monogamous. This monogamy is not as strict as the social ideal of the recent past, but over-all, we are monogamous for the duration of our relationships. I am mostly that way myself. So are most other people who have responded to this thread. In fact this thread is a fairly good representation of true human sexual relationships - mostly monogamous, with a few individuals being outliers in either direction of extremity, and a substantial percentage of people admitting to not-completely-monogamous relationships at some point in the past or present.

    And what is so terrible about that? How exactly does it hurt us?

    I am someone who is quite comfortable with that reality of human relationships. While it is certain there are trials of being in a relationship with me, one of the most frequent positive things I hear from my partners is how easy I am to talk to and how drama-less I am in how I handle relationships. This is largely because I don't cling to fantastical notions or drive relationships into the ground by trying to micro-manage them and have constricting interactions with my partners.

    There is never anything wrong with how people feel. There is never anything wrong with things changing, and people changing. As long as there is a standard of honesty and integrity that is carries throughout, my relationships never actually end. They just change forms. I rarely lose the people I love because I can allow us to be what we are.

    What is so horrible and morally wrong with that? How exactly does that hurt anything? I don't have the trail of tears following my love life that many people do.

    I am not fighting against anything. I am simply allowing myself and others to feel how we feel. If a pair wind up in a happy, vibrant relationship for life, great. My ethos wouldn't prevent that in any way. As long as the relationship continues to be healthy and happy for both parties, there's no reason to end it. That's silly.

    The evolution of human relationships, at this point, seems to deal with applying our communication to our emotions.

  8. #128
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    a woman so $luttish and flighty should've never taken vows.
    First, calling women sluts is incredibly sexist.

    Second, you shouldn't have married her in the first place if she's so flighty, and if you didn't know at the time you got married then that's your fault for failing to realize it.

    to blame
    ones self in being f**ked over is a very liberal concept.
    Taking responsibility for your actions is a liberal concept?

    shows a
    complete lack of self-respect and ego.
    at least we know where you stand.
    How exactly does it show a lack of respect on my part? This is precious because you're arguing that it is somehow "liberal" to take responsibility for one's actions and that a true conservative "manly" position is to blame it all on everyone else.

    Doesn't that seem a little backwards to anyone else?

    Also, I respect myself immensely, and that is proven by the fact that I take ownership over my actions and the consequences of my actions, and look to improve myself constantly in every aspect of my life. If you think that is liberal or effeminate then you're an idiot.
    "I do not claim that every incident in the history of empire can be explained in directly economic terms. Economic interests are filtered through a political process, policies are implemented by a complex state apparatus, and the whole system generates its own momentum."

  9. #129
    Educator lewstherin's Avatar
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by MistressNomad View Post
    You're missing the fact that we have not "regressed" at all. Your fantasy of the life-long monogamy past is just that - a fantasy. It has never been true. It probably never will be.

    I said myself above that humans do tend to be monogamous. This monogamy is not as strict as the social ideal of the recent past, but over-all, we are monogamous for the duration of our relationships. I am mostly that way myself. So are most other people who have responded to this thread. In fact this thread is a fairly good representation of true human sexual relationships - mostly monogamous, with a few individuals being outliers in either direction of extremity, and a substantial percentage of people admitting to not-completely-monogamous relationships at some point in the past or present.

    And what is so terrible about that? How exactly does it hurt us?

    I am someone who is quite comfortable with that reality of human relationships. While it is certain there are trials of being in a relationship with me, one of the most frequent positive things I hear from my partners is how easy I am to talk to and how drama-less I am in how I handle relationships. This is largely because I don't cling to fantastical notions or drive relationships into the ground by trying to micro-manage them and have constricting interactions with my partners.

    There is never anything wrong with how people feel. There is never anything wrong with things changing, and people changing. As long as there is a standard of honesty and integrity that is carries throughout, my relationships never actually end. They just change forms. I rarely lose the people I love because I can allow us to be what we are.

    What is so horrible and morally wrong with that? How exactly does that hurt anything? I don't have the trail of tears following my love life that many people do.

    I am not fighting against anything. I am simply allowing myself and others to feel how we feel. If a pair wind up in a happy, vibrant relationship for life, great. My ethos wouldn't prevent that in any way. As long as the relationship continues to be healthy and happy for both parties, there's no reason to end it. That's silly.

    The evolution of human relationships, at this point, seems to deal with applying our communication to our emotions.
    sorry, hon. but the stats prove you wrong. this nation has went to hell since the liberal agenda effected
    it's "destruction of the nuclear family" crusade back in the late 1950's. this nation, along with our culture and
    society have been demoralized to the point where love, honor, and honesty mean nothing at all. and with this
    demoralization, man has regressed to a more primitive mindset. man is now more interested in material excess
    and "gadgets" than his own personal elevation, both spiritual and physical. and it is all connected, whether you like it or not.
    “The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.”
    http://www.indylevee.com/

  10. #130
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    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by lewstherin View Post
    sorry, hon. but the stats prove you wrong. this nation has went to hell since the liberal agenda effected
    it's "destruction of the nuclear family" crusade back in the late 1950's. this nation, along with our culture and
    society have been demoralized to the point where love, honor, and honesty mean nothing at all. and with this
    demoralization, man has regressed to a more primitive mindset. man is now more interested in material excess
    and "gadgets" than his own personal elevation, both spiritual and physical. and it is all connected, whether you like it or not.
    As I talked about above, you're wrong. The increase in divorce has not correlated in an increase in broken or dead marriages. The rate of such marriages has remained the same. It is simply that it became acceptable to leave a broken relationship. And with it, came the fall of suicidal housewives and alcoholic husbands and legal beating of children in these broken homes. The fall of pre-50's culture has done nothing but improve our society.

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