View Poll Results: If your partner cheats, will you stay?

Voters
58. You may not vote on this poll
  • No, I'd end it

    23 39.66%
  • Yes, I'd stay. Period.

    3 5.17%
  • I'd stay conditionally

    15 25.86%
  • Don't know/not sure/not in a relationship/HOT POCKETS!

    17 29.31%
Page 10 of 25 FirstFirst ... 8910111220 ... LastLast
Results 91 to 100 of 242

Thread: Is an affair a dealbreaker

  1. #91
    Advisor BamaBrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Alabama
    Last Seen
    09-27-16 @ 03:50 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    510
    Blog Entries
    4

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry View Post
    In my case, no, it wasn't the deal breaker.

    Even if we didn't have children, adultery is a symptom, not the problem itself. Sure there would have been trust issues, and a long healing process to follow, but I wanted to address those problems instead of simply jumping ship.

    The deal breaker for me was when she started hiding the children from me; a behavior she continues today, and is why there can be no reconciliation even if either of us were seeking it.

    Now that the marriage is over, various friends and family feel the need to tell me about how my X would occasionally brag about how she always had boyfriends on the side, and how she would mock me for being 'innocent', trying to be the good husband and keep the faith.

    Funny how people like to wait to tell you those things.....
    That is basically what I was trying to say and did a crappy job of it. Adultery is usually the symptom, not the problem. If both parties dont fix the problem, marriages dont work... not because someone cheated, but because the problem wasnt worked on or fixed. Habitual jackasses are a totally different story, wont usually work because one party doesnt give a **** about the problem.

  2. #92
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    United States
    Last Seen
    01-21-16 @ 12:21 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    51,124

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    That's a doozy. And I'm finding more and more men in your shoes, and it's hateful. She should be ashamed. How would she feel if somebody did that to her? My heart would shatter over losing my daughter 1000 times worse than over losing my ex.
    She's doing it because she fears that's what I will do.

    She's correct in that I'm going to take the children from her when I get back fro Afghan, but she will have as much contact as she desires. It would be great if she moved back to the aria and saw them every day after school. She and I can be civil together, so trips to the park with the kids, for example, aren't out of the question either.

    But I know that's not going to happen. The moment I take the children, she will disappear, because she's a prescription drug addict, and paranoia is but one of her clinically diagnosed problems.

  3. #93
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Last Seen
    05-06-12 @ 11:12 PM
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    9,800

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry View Post
    It's imposable to cheat on a bf or gf, because there's no presumption of monogamy, no commitment or intent to commit in the first place. Their sex life is their business, so they're not even obligated to tell you. It would be polite, yes, but they're not required.
    Untrue. If you're playing the field, she's not your girlfriend. If she is, then you have made a decision together to date each other exclusively.

  4. #94
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Last Seen
    05-06-12 @ 11:12 PM
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    9,800

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry View Post
    She's doing it because she fears that's what I will do.

    She's correct in that I'm going to take the children from her when I get back fro Afghan, but she will have as much contact as she desires. It would be great if she moved back to the aria and saw them every day after school. She and I can be civil together, so trips to the park with the kids, for example, aren't out of the question either.

    But I know that's not going to happen. The moment I take the children, she will disappear, because she's a prescription drug addict, and paranoia is but one of her clinically diagnosed problems.
    But what you just described is not what she's doing to you. She's taken the children, you don't get to see them. You take the children, she does get to see them.

  5. #95
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    United States
    Last Seen
    01-21-16 @ 12:21 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    51,124

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    Untrue. If you're playing the field, she's not your girlfriend. If she is, then you have made a decision together to date each other exclusively.
    Well this is kind of a different issue and my position tends to rub people the wrong way.

    Basically, if there's no ring of some kind on your finger, even if it's a 'friendship' ring I've seen on long-term gf's, then there are no rules. Since cheating is braking a rule to gain an advantage, if there are no rules, no act can be cheating.

    Of course a healthy dose of communication is always recommended, and secrecy generally to be avoided, but being a player when you're not committed to anyone simply isn't 'cheating'. This is why I don't hold my X accountable for having other boyfriends before we were engaged. There was no presumption of monogamy, no commitment or intent to commit at that time.

    Of course, where my dumb ass went wrong was in not realizing that her behavior wouldn't change with a wedding ceremony. She was who she was, and she was going to do what she was going to do. You can't plug a hole with a ring; crude but true.

  6. #96
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    United States
    Last Seen
    01-21-16 @ 12:21 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    51,124

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BDBoop View Post
    But what you just described is not what she's doing to you. She's taken the children, you don't get to see them. You take the children, she does get to see them.
    That's basically the case I'm bringing before the judge. I think you boiled it down nicely.

  7. #97
    Sage
    Khayembii Communique's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Milwaukee, WI
    Last Seen
    Yesterday @ 06:30 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    7,887

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by BD Boop
    If you believe that a woman cheating means a man failed, it has to follow that if a man cheats, a woman failed.
    Women are not the same as men, so this doesn't hold.

    Some people are just cheating scum, and that is not the fault of the partner. Period.
    I don't know if I believe this, really. Regardless, I'd rather treat it as a failure on my part and figure out how to improve myself than blame it on someone else and be spiteful.

    Quote Originally Posted by BamaBrat
    an affair in the relationship is most times due to a failure of both parties, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. If each party acknowledges their part and works to fix the issues... it can work.
    I guess that depends on your idea of what a "working relationship" means. If I'm desperate enough I could go and find someone equally as desperate and "make it work". But just because two people remain together IMO that doesn't mean that it's "working".

    More often than not relationships are built on desperation, which in my opinion isn't a working relationship.
    "I do not claim that every incident in the history of empire can be explained in directly economic terms. Economic interests are filtered through a political process, policies are implemented by a complex state apparatus, and the whole system generates its own momentum."

  8. #98
    Advisor BamaBrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Alabama
    Last Seen
    09-27-16 @ 03:50 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    510
    Blog Entries
    4

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Khayembii Communique View Post
    I guess that depends on your idea of what a "working relationship" means. If I'm desperate enough I could go and find someone equally as desperate and "make it work". But just because two people remain together IMO that doesn't mean that it's "working".
    Correct...just because a couple chooses to stay together, doesnt mean its working.

  9. #99
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Last Seen
    05-06-12 @ 11:12 PM
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    9,800

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Khayembii Communique View Post
    I don't know if I believe this, really. Regardless, I'd rather treat it as a failure on my part and figure out how to improve myself than blame it on someone else and be spiteful.
    One does not automatically lead to the other.

  10. #100
    Professor

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    MI and AZ
    Last Seen
    03-15-15 @ 01:29 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    1,581

    Re: Is an affair a dealbreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    No, ma'am, not always.

    I have found that there are some people that are just flat-out GOING TO CHEAT, no matter what. ... the only answer I have is "it appears to be their nature to always look for greener grass".
    What I've seen is "it appears to be their nature to always look for other grass". I't doesn't even have to have any possibility of being better grass. Men appear to have tendancy to do this. Some cultures even accomidate this, mostly quietly; and, typically for the rich men.

Page 10 of 25 FirstFirst ... 8910111220 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •